This week NPR showcased a story from its Radio Rookies program where Victoria Cruz told the story of her and her girlfriend being voted “Best Couple” at their South Bronx high school, though she is worried about coming out at home. NPR’s title, “For Some, Coming Out at School Easier Than Home,” struck a chord with me, because that has always been my experience.
While I didn’t grow up in the South Bronx, I grew up in the Deep South–New Orleans, LA. And, unlike Victoria, I never had the courage to be out in my small, all-girls, private high school. But my best friend did, and she and her girlfriend went to prom together and were met by complete acceptance by the other students and the school’s faculty.
When I finally came out to my classmates two years later, I was also greeted with a similar level of acceptance. I came out to my class after a night of drinking margaritas, showing up to the school’s most important event (the senior Nativity pageant) heinously drunk, and then going out to another bar. Though my coming out was definitely prompted by alcohol, coupled with the fact that I had decided to finally cut my hair off like a “real lesbian,” it was something that I had been ready to do for some time. The haircut, though, finally gave me the courage to do it, and that night as I announced in the middle of Fat Harry’s “Yeah, I’m gay, so what?” the computerized bar games that generally involved comparing pictures of naked men changed to comparing pictures of naked ladies, all for my sake.
My mother, however, has preferred to stay in a certain state of denial. And while you could make a strong argument that it’s just her fear of deviating from societal norms, I think it’s more than that. June 26th marked the 40th anniversary of the Stonewall Riots, which changed the course of LGBT history forever. It’s easy to look back and think that Stonewall’s impact on our lives can only be seen in the fact that we’re no longer hiding out in bars, I think it’s far more pervasive. Stonewall started our movement; and without Stonewall, there’s a good chance parties like The New Gay 's own Homo/Sonic would have to be completely underground, with raid lights on the ceiling to let us know the police were on their way.
Because of Stonewall and the hundreds of activists and fighters that came afterward, young LGBT people have been able to surround themselves with peers that don’t sneer at them because of their sexual preference, but embrace them. In an age where Stonewall and the events of the early gay rights movement can get lost in our own fight for marriage equality, it’s important to look back and remember how much was won in terms of social acceptance, and to thank the older members of our queer community for giving us that. Everyone needs to remember and honor their history, and it’s especially important for members of the LGBT community right now. During a time when it can seem like progress is impossible, it’s important to be able to look back and see how far we’ve come.
It’s true that most people in my high school class had no idea what the Stonewall riots were; I didn’t either until I went to college. But just because you don’t know about an event doesn’t mean that the messages from it aren’t disseminated across a culture. And that’s evident today, where young people of every race, socio-economic class and culture are seemingly more likely to embrace the LGBT community than the generation before them.
Stumbled on this story in my Twitter feed:
An Arkansas teenager and her mother are suing a private Christian high school over the treatment the daughter received when school officials learned she was pregnant.According to the lawsuit, officials at Trinity Christian School badgered the teen into admitting her pregnancy, then expelled her on the spot with only eleven days remaining in the school year. After telling the student (who is not named in public court documents) that she was being expelled, school officials escorted her to a Christian pregnancy crisis center, where she was administered a pregnancy test and given counseling. Staff at the crisis center then shared information about the student with the school.
At no point during their questioning of the student or the trip to the crisis center did school officials contact the student's mother.
The lawsuit charges race and gender discrimination as well as false imprisonment and intentional infliction of emotional distress. The suit claims that other students who were known by the school to have engaged in sexual activity were not expelled.
The part I'm having trouble swallowing... wait, scratch that. The principle called a minor into his office without a parent present, harassed her until she admitted the rumor was true, and then expelled her 11 days before school finished... then sent her to a CPC. The pregnancy center interviewed, counseled, and tested the minor and disseminated her information to the school employees.
Despite the fact that her pregnancy violated the school's code of conduct - which the girl and her parents signed on for when she enrolled - the school itself made some egregious errors in subjecting a minor to all of the above without parental consent. I hope the family gets every dollar out of the school that violated her civil rights. Additionally, if this case is won, the school will have to revamp its code of conduct as the clause that punishes sexual activity is only targeted at [pregnant] female students, and therefore gender-based discrimination.
One wonders if this will have an impact on other schools should the girl win her lawsuit...
My family thinks homosexuals are strange, and refuse to believe that one of their own could possibly be gay. My friend is coming out to her mother this summer, and she's worried that her mother will not buy it - she just won't internalize it, she says. Every story you hear about women and men being successful and strong gays in India, who make their families accept their sexuality and their partners is just that - one story about one person from a country of more than a billion people. The stories of repression and violence are untold, primarily because of that same repression, and the belief that the family and the community are larger than the individual.
People underestimate how very conservative liberal Indians can be when it comes to someone in their own backyard going against the norm. Beyond the stigma of being gay and therefore a criminal in the eyes of the law, homosexuals have to deal with being less than a person in the eyes of a society that is increasingly becoming less inclusive of the "other", be it religion, behavior, gender or sexuality. Lines have been drawn in the sand.
When Anbumani Ramadoss (the previous Health Minister) suggested decriminalizing homosexuality, not only did the Home Ministry tell him to not speak out of turn, the entire establishment told him to keep his trap shut. I have a lot of issues with Mr Ramadoss, but I respected him for speaking out. However, his motives had less to do with justice and fundamental rights and more to do with taking away some of the stigma surrounding AIDS.
The Delhi High Court's decision, however, talks about how Section 377 "criminalizes his or her core identity". The judgement also says criminalizing homosexuality based on moral grounds goes counter to equality. One assumes that this same argument would hold for gay marriage and adoption rights, but Indians still need to wait to hear from the legal system on those issues.
However, the High Court's decisions do not necessarily translate into Government action on this. The loud voices of the Hindu, Muslim and Christian leaders who shout that homosexuality is immoral and unnatural will carry some weight with the Congress-led government, especially since it needs the Christian and Muslim vote to remain in power, along with a lot of the Hindu vote.
I am hopeful, but not convinced, that this Government, safe for a while before the campaigning starts again, will strike down those parts of Section 377 that criminalize homosexuality. I think there's a long battle still ahead. And I can not wait to participate in it.
I feel guilt in not having participated in the struggle so far. I did not primarily because I was ignorant. I would like to think that is no longer true.
I'm having quite an extensive online argument (I know; futile) with someone at the moment and I'm kind of stumped on how to answer this particular question in a way that he might understand.
How do you explain to someone, especially a male who believes the world is just as sexist toward him as it is toward women, that the word "Feminism" does not imply any sort of inequality? I've tried to explain to many people, especially males, how Feminism is for everyone and stands to fight sexism in any form, as well as racism, classism, homophobia, etc., but they always seem to focus on that word, "Feminism", and dismiss it as equally... well, inequal.
If any of you have any suggestions, I sure would like to hear them.
If you would like to read the conversation that we have had so far, or maybe even supply your own input, go to: DeviantArt:SerenFae:I-Wanna-Know.
Yesterday in my blog, I covered Newsweek's myopic list of the 50 books that define and explain these confusing modern times. To recap: the list was 84% white, 78% male, 96% straight, and 66% both white and male.
Now, I'm not putting down white male writers. But there are many wonderful writers who are subject to significant oppression, and choosing to promote already coddled and significantly advantaged writers disproportionately contributes to that problem. Our country and our world is filled with brilliant and illuminating writers who do not fit perfectly into Jon Meacham’s narrow idea of what the canon looks like.
In response to this list, I present:
50 Books for Post-Modern Times
One upcoming week in my blog , I want to collect perspectives on 50 works by writers whose bodies do not fit neatly into the canonical narrative. I want writers that reflect the issues of discrimination that we face today: writers of color, women writers, QLBTGI writers, disabled writers. I want writers who have shaped your feminist/progressive worldview. I want writers who “challenge the structure that would allow for domination of white male authorship.”*
So: who inspires you? I want to hear from the Feministing community. Give me up to five authors who face significant oppression. I’m especially interested in intersectional writers. There are no genre limitations. To contribute:
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Leave a comment here with your submission and contact information, including why you love them, or
Leave a comment with submission and contact info in this entry at my blog, or
Email me at deeplyproblematic@gmail.com with your submission.
In your communication, tell me:
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How they inspire you
What they contribute to our cultural narrative
Everyone who contributes will be listed, quoted, and linked to when I post at least one of your submissions in the multi-entry list next week (or later, depending on how long it takes to get people to participate).
I'm excited to hear from you!
*Description by the excellent M of Ped Xing , who named this project.
Wanted to share an internship opportunity at my organization, Women's Funding Network.
Contact me if you are interested!
Hello fellow Community bloggers. After several attempts at creating a new account, I seem to have created one that works. Huzzah!
On to the topic of my post.
I count Jodi Picoult novels among a guilty pleasure of mine. In one such novel, The 10th Circle, a 14 year old girl is raped by her recently ex boyfriend while drunk at a party. She even cites some seemingly true statistics (like, based on the amount of rapes that are reported, then the percent of the suspects that are arrested, then brought to trial, then convicted, then do jail time, roughly 94% of rapists walk free).
The story that unfolds is entirely too realistic . . . the girl is called a slut by her peers, insensitive comments abound, her parents' marriage falls apart, and a friend of the rapist actually encourages her to drop the charges because she 'knew she wanted it.' The prosecutor tells her not to expect much from the trial, and she pretty much collapses into herself.
My question is, how do we teach teenagers (male and female, queer, trans, all of the above) the nuances of valid consent, and how to respond when someone says that someone else raped them? After all, the subject of consent is rarely, if ever, taught during sex education. Prospective partners should want an ENTHUSIASTIC YES before engaging in any type of sexual activity. Shouldn't we all want willing participants in our sexual adventures? I think teenagers especially could benefit from this concept. We should stop shaming them for having consentual intercourse and start making them feel bad for not respecting the bodies and autonomy of their peers. Not that I ever think shaming is appropriate or effective, but making teenagers (and everyone) think twice about rape can never be bad.
Furthermore, the average American seems to believe that it is entirely acceptable to quesiton someone who makes an accusation of rape, even when the evidence is blaring in their favor.
I found a few resources I wanted to share, but so far this is all I got. Any thoughts?
I have more, but feministing limited me to two links.
Thanks for reading, and please participate. I need some ideas.
We are all creating an opinion on Zelaya's ousting, but did anyone think to ask the poor of Honduras? I'm not asking to hear the opinions of the elite, and not even the middle class, if such a class exists. What I'M interested in is the voices of the 60% (probably more) of people that are living in poverty. I can't help but to criticize not only the mass coverage of the anti-democratic ousting of the technical president, but also all the blogs that shame Zelaya. There is a decent article on Alternet discussing Zelaya's ousting, and there are other articles that are against Zelaya that don't even use any statistics to back up their claims.
I respect everyone's opinion. But our opinions as outsiders don't matter. What really matters (or what SHOULD matter) are the opinions of those that are the majority in Honduras. How do the feel about his presidency so far? Do they think he should be reinstated?
I would love to hear from the people who are the ones that are truly affected economically and socially by Zelaya's policies. This may not be a direct feminist issue, but if we think a little deeper, everything is related to feminism. What are your opinions and have you found any news sources taking the poor into consideration?
I was recently flipping through a GQ magazine from a few months ago, and there was an article about how to attract a cougar,which is a women above the age of 35 who appeals to men in their early to mid 20s. The cover of the magazine stated "A field guide to the American Cougar: She's not getting older, she's getting hornier." GQ is clearly not the first to celebrate the virtues of the "cougar," I remember first hearing it in the movie American Pie, which popularized the term M.I.L.F. Now this may not seem different from a Mrs. Robinson type character, which has been part of American culture for decades. However, with a reality T.V. show called The Cougar it seems that the Mrs. Robinson character type has emerged from a fantasy to the mainstream.
With all the new found enthusiasm for the cougar we have to wonder whether or not this is a good thing? On the surface this seems like the rejection traditional beauty which values youth, and the sexualized teens, while embracing a more realistic type women as sexy. But if we look deeper we can get past the Mrs. Robinson mystic and see Cougar culture for what it really is, a hindrance to the progress of women.
Cougars reproduce many of the beauty standards of their younger counterparts: they are usually thin, blond, and have large breast. Also, the sexualization of older women now asserts that it is fine to objectify women of all ages, I wonder if this mainstream sexualization of older women will have a negative impact on women in the workplace. Now I understand that it is important to say that women can still be sexy and are not dead after 30, but something about the new Cougar culture misses that point and replaces it with this fetishization of middle age women instead of celebrating their sexuality. It seems to me that the new Cougar culture is part of the problem rather than part of the solution.
This quote is exerpted from the article on Facebook/MySpace and its race issues.
"Many of us in this room come from privileged worlds where we want to "help" those who are not well-off. Here is where a privilege-check is necessary. How often do our language and mannerisms reflect a problematic level of condescension? Perhaps we should look at our teens. They are certainly speaking in a manner that reveals distrust and condescension."
Truly, really, how do you know when you are working for good and when you are being a self-righteous jerk?
Having been poor, and worked through college, and now I work with the poor, I see many many posts pretty much saying privileged people should leave the poor alone and not try to "help" them, and I am confused.
Does that mean soup kitchens shouldn't exist? Or libraries? Or if you get a good factory job that means a steady paycheck you should buy a tract house and never go back to the shack your family has?
OK, I'm privileged. I'm average looking, speak good English, went to college and pass for white. Is the ethical solution to stop collecting for the food pantry, stop talking about it, or do it in secret? Is taking in a Fresh Air person a bad thing? I work with teens, many (but not all) impoverished. They work like crazy to be helpful in the community. Some of the posts make me wonder if they should.
Please forgive me if I sound condescending. I really don't know what the thinking thing to do is.
