Every woman has had their share of harassment - so much so that we often don't pause to think about, record, or discuss it. Harassment, much like sexism and misogyny, has become very normalized in our society. It's time we turned the tables.
With these intentions in mind, I present to you Commonplace Harassment, a recurring feature in which I'll briefly recount recent tales of my own (and obliging friends') harassment. Hopefully commenters who are so inclined will share their own stories in comments.
The point of this is so that harassment - even "harmless," daily abuse - doesn't go unnoticed, and doesn't slip off our radars as activists, feminists, and community members.
Enough rambling, let's get to the point: this week's version is the Stud Edition. This past Saturday night, I was walking across a busy intersection with three female friends and one male. We had spread out so we were walking one behind the other, and he just so happened to be in the front. Some jackass stopped at the red light called, "Whoa, nice, man! He's got four girls in one night!" He and his friend also felt inclined to briefly debate the atributes of each of us women, right while we were crossing in front of their car.
I turned around and responded with a classic "fuck you."
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I consider myself a strong personality, not easily pushed around. So in retrospect, it's surprising that I silently put up with some outright harrassment at work for the past few months.
We had a consultant of sorts- an older man out of retirement helping the CEO of our company by offering his expertise. He was awful. Within three days of working with him he made an offhanded remark about how my working there must have been a vanity job, and that real moms stayed home. Alllrighty. It moved on to him latching on to a comment about how I was going out for a beer with some friends after work and he wouldn't stop making comments about my "drinking problem." Then it moved on to weight. He made comment after comment about how I could stand to "skip a meal" or had a large rear.
After he had crawled back into retirement, my boss made a half hearted attempt to make amends by telling me he had talked with the retiree and that there wasn't much of an excuse for his last comment- made at his retirement lunch "will you miss me?" he asked in front of everyone. diplomatically i responded "sure." his response? "well, you'll probably be heavier by then." At his lunch. In front of the whole office. WTF?
I am not thrilled with how long I let it go without saying anything. I can't believe I just sucked it up because I knew he was leaving and liked to keep the peace in my small office. It wasn't even sexual harassment, but I realize now it was about marginalizing me, putting me in my place and I'm pissed I was too embarrassed to shout from the rooftops, SHUT UP MAN. Being 65 doesn't give you the right to talk to me like that.
Thanks for the space to vent :)