It is nearly impossible, as a fifteen year old girl, to buy a pregnancy test, let alone find an abortion clinic that doesn't seem like they're going to sell the fetus for sandwich meat.
My best friend C. calls me two nights ago, freaking out because she missed a period and is terrified she might be pregnant. She can't go to CVS and buy a pregnancy test herself, because she is afraid to go alone, and I'm babysitting and can't come over. Instead, I get online and stay on the phone with her, trying to calm her down by showing her how we can just go get her an abortion, considering that in New Jersey, you don't need your parent's consent, you just need to tell them, and half the time that isn't enforced.
Not that easy.
Now, I firmly think abortion should not be used as a form of birth control, but holy shit. There are five abortion clincs in New Jersey. I called all of them up, and somehow, all of them had an excuse why they couldn't give us am abortion. We don't perform on minors. You have to have a month of therapy before hand. You have to wait until the second trimester, in case you change your mind and want the baby. You have to tell the father. On and on and on, they came, and I was beyond frustrated.
Finally we found a Planned Parenthood in Philly. The lady on the phone was wicked comforting and supportive, and there was no bullshit. She just flat out told us what was going down.
However. If we were to go get her an abortion there, we would have to:
a}lie to our parents
b}ride a bus all the way into Philly
c)take the subway to the clinic
d)stay there for many hours
e)ride the bus back
f)get home without letting our parents know we were in the city
Not very easy, as you can tell. We weren't exactly happy with this plan, but it was all we had.
Remember that this is our backup plan. We don't even know if she's preggers yet.
Skip to last night.
We're in CVS, searching for a pregnacy test. ["Shouldn't they be over here?" "I can't find them! Are they by the tampons?" "Nah, if you're pregnant, you don't need those anymore." "Fuck, should we ask someone?" "Wait, no, I think I found them! No, shit, that's a yeast infection thing." "Aly!" "Sorry! They both make you have to pee on them, I think!" "No, you stick the yeast infection one up your snatch." "Ew, seriously? Sick." "This is not the time for commentary on the world of yeast infections!"]
As you can see, it was quite an adventure.
We finally find them in a small little corner marked 'Family Planning', and we search for the right one. An EPT boasts TWO FOR THE PRICE OF ONE! for thirteen dollars, so we grab that one: two tests means extra reassurance. C.'s hands are shaking so hard that the box is rattling, so I take it away from her and go up to the counter.
The woman in front of us has practically done her grocery shopping here, and is paying in dimes and quarters. We wait for five minutes, Courtney watching the door for my mom.[who is in the car, innocently thinking we are getting pads.] Finally the woman is done, and I plop the pregnancy test on the counter. The clerk is in her late forties, and looks at me, pops her gum, and says, "I'm gonna have to see some ID."
C. just about faints, but I calmly retort back: "Actually, there is no age restriction in the U.S. for pregnancy tests."
"There are for teenage girls."
I'm pissed. Not only is this woman popping her gum at me [rude much?], she's acting like Queen Bitch and that she has the power to decide who gets to find out if they're knocked up.
"Why?"
"Because you shouldn't be having sex in the first place."
"Is that really any of your business?"
We go back and forth for about three minutes, C. freaking out the entire time, until finally someone else comes over and asks what the problem is. Queen Bitch snaps that we're trying to buy a pregnancy test, and I calmly inform the boy [he looks to be about late teens] that it's not illegal. He lets us buy it, and we shove it in our bag and head out.
Why is it so difficult to find, not only an abortion clinic that doesn't make is sound like our doctor is going to be Salad Fingers, but just to buy a simple pregnancy test? Do people like Queen bitch really have to give us such a hard time? We're teenage girls, not the spawn of Satan, and we deserve just as much respect as a thirty-year old woman buying a pregnancy test.
[She wasn't pregnant, by the way.]
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Wow, good for you for keeping a cool head when the cashier asked you for some ID. If that had happened to me as a teen, I probably would've panicked or blown my top -- not pretty. Anyway, I wanted to commend you on being well-informed about your rights. You rock!
hah.
the same thing happened to me and a friend of mine.
and i mean literally like THE SAME THING.
except we were 16 and 17.
oh and, not awfully proud about this, but then again not terribly ashamed either. we ended up just stealing the test.
in my friends beautiful phrasing "if they already think im an immoral whore i might as well be a thief too"
its unfortunate that it came to that. but we really didnt see any other option. it was awkward enough for us to go in there once, i dont think we would have been ok with going back again. and we were desperate
It's awesome that you know your rights and are able to stick up for them. Keep that up!
Ugh, I just typed a long response and it got eaten.
Now I'm just going to say that I'm sickened that there are only 6 states that don't have parental consent laws. I'm glad I live in one of them, even if I am legally old enough to make my own decision.
That's horrible that you have to be judged by someone working at the CVS counter. How dare she even treat you that way!!! Good for you for keeping your wits and standing up for your rights! I think a well placed call though to corporate about your experience with this cashier might inform her that she had no right but will also make you feel better.
I live in Ontario, Canada and reading this post made me do some research into the abortion clinics here (though I don't know if my results accurately reflect a teenage girl's actual experience, but I hope they do). I found this site http://www.hasslefreeclinic.org/Abortions.html and read through it. I was happy to find out that OHIP (Ontario Health Insurance Plan) covers abortions for any age and there is no parental consent needed. All of the clinics listed are in Toronto, which is about 3 hours from here, so that could be a hassle for someone without a car (though it is easy to get a bus or train there). Our hospitals also do them (and we don't have any religious hospitals around here), but I don't know how easy that would be. I would be intereted in finding out if it really is much easier here in Canada.
I do know it is easy for anyone to get pregnancy tests here (they even sell them at the Dollar store) And when I was in high school, I'd say 70% of the girls were on The Pill, and this is considered perfectly normal (even if your parents disapprove, you can just tell them you want on it to help manage your periods--that's a common excuse here).
Not trying to brag, but I'm just feeling proud of my country today. Happy Birthday Canada!
I agree with Lisette and say that you should make a formal complaint to CVS corporate. If you're buying a pregnancy test, the sex has already happened, so the cashier wouldn't be preventing anything. Also, it's not the cashier's business place to use her limited power to legislate who gets a pregnancy test and who doesn't. Contact corporate, provide names (if you know), dates, and times so that this cashier can be reprimanded and moved to a place where she limited contact with customers or fired outright.
Also, to save the cashier hassle in the future, most major grocery stores with pharmacies have pregnancy tests to buy. Many of these major grocery stores have self-check out lanes without the judgmental clerks. I'd use this even now (almost 30) to avoid any comments from clerks on the purchase.
I'm glad your friend is okay. :)
aly posted at June 30, 2008, at 10:37PM: "There are five abortion clincs in New Jersey. I called all of them up, and somehow, all of them had an excuse why they couldn't give us am abortion...You have to wait until the second trimester, in case you change your mind and want the baby..."
Yikes, maybe that one was actually a CPC and it would have kept resceduling the appointment until too late?
aly posted at June 30, 2008, at 10:37PM: "Finally we found a Planned Parenthood in Philly. The lady on the phone was wicked comforting and supportive, and there was no bullshit. She just flat out told us what was going down."
Excellent! Now I wonder if she could have given C. a referral or something to someone in NJ, so C. could sort of bypass whoever answered the phone (asking "May I speak to Dr. so-and-so?" instead of "can I get an abortion?").
aly posted at June 30, 2008, at 10:37PM: "However. If we were to go get her an abortion there, we would have to:
"a}lie to our parents
b}ride a bus all the way into Philly
c)take the subway to the clinic
d)stay there for many hours
e)ride the bus back
f)get home without letting our parents know we were in the city"
Yeah, that sounds especially difficult when it seems you two can't even get to CVS without your mom's help. I wish C. had a supportive regular doctor. Once when I was a freshwoman in college I called my pediatrician back home because I was feeling awful. She promised not to tell my parents about my call, and it went like
"Some girls even come here for pregnancy tests and birth control and we don't tell their parents, that's confidential."
"Wow, really? There's no bus or subway near your office. Don't they have to tell their parents to get rides there?"
"They get rides from older friends."
so, back to C.'s transportation issue, later I realized a patient could ask her parents to give her a ride for an appointment for something else like an earache and once there ask this doctor for a pregnancy test.
aly posted at June 30, 2008, at 10:37PM: "I'm pissed. Not only is this woman popping her gum at me [rude much?], she's acting like Queen Bitch and that she has the power to decide who gets to find out if they're knocked up."
What an asshole! I look a lot like I did as a teen, I don't have a wedding ring, and nobody at CVS here asked me for ID when I bought condoms. If you remember their names, is there a way to report this employee to CVS HQ without risking your parents and/or C.'s parents finding out (for example, if they write back and a parent decides to "help" you by saving you time by opening your mail)?
aly posted at June 30, 2008, at 10:37PM: "and I calmly inform the boy [he looks to be about late teens] that it's not illegal. He lets us buy it, and we shove it in our bag and head out."
If you can report the jerk's bad behavior, report this guy's good behavior too.
aly posted at June 30, 2008, at 10:37PM: "[She wasn't pregnant, by the way.]"
What a relief!
Now that I know she's okay, here's a lighter note on pregnancy tests: http://www.questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=1127
Wow, great post, good on you for being such a good friend and being assertive. If it wasn't just a birth control failure (or a freakout, even though there was no evidence of a failure--I used to have those) please talk your friend into a reliable method of birth control. Since there is some indication that HPV can be spread by non-sexual contact (i.e., it has been found under people's fingernails), I'm a big fan of condoms, even if both partners have no prior partners.
I had the same bullshit happen to me when I was 16 and trying to buy condoms at a gas station. The man wouldn't sell 'em to me without seeing ID, telling me I had to be 18 to buy condoms.
It's bullshit. There are no condom age laws in the state of California (or anywhere, I think).
Being as young as I was, I wasn't knowledgeable about the laws or confident enough to argue with the paternalistic ass, but I was just as full of sass and rage as I am now, so I simply said "fine. When I get knocked up I'm coming to you for child support," and huffed out.
That episode still pisses me off. Fuck that guy, and fuck that Queen Bitch clerk. Call the store and get her fired. What she did was a) illegal (on the basis of discrimination, at the very least) and b) almost certainly against company policy. She shouldn't be working at a drugstore.
You should have complained to a manager. She doesn't have the right to make that sort of ethical distinction. Would she have asked for ID for you to buy condoms? What about a douche? You know, those are actually unhealthy for you! What about soda? It's bad for kids, you know...
She's not in authority to make that call. She's a freaking clerk.
Arrrrrrrgh.
Thanks for sharing though. And for sticking up for your friend and being such a great support. I thank you because we're gonna need more girls like you for the next wave of feminism. :D And doubleplusgood for you for knowing your rights!
omg... i think we should all call or email about this clerk...
got the phone number of the CVS?
Man, that's awful. Really glad you stuck to it, though. That's very responsible of you (and so irresponsible of the cashier).
I really hate it when people with no authority try to project authority, too. I'm 18, and I went to a nurse practitioner to change my birth control method. She went on a tangent and told me about how "nothing is 100%" and "you know if you get pregnant you have to keep the baby."
... isn't it great that I happen to know that I DO have the right to an abortion? Some hack of an N.P. really doesn't need to go around telling young women how they just absolutely must not get an abortion. That's not a medical opinion, that's a personal opinion.
I wonder how well the old "it's for a science project" trick works in this situation...
hah.
the same thing happened to me and a friend of mine.
and i mean literally like THE SAME THING.
except we were 16 and 17.
oh and, not awfully proud about this, but then again not terribly ashamed either. we ended up just stealing the test.
in my friends beautiful phrasing "if they already think im an immoral whore i might as well be a thief too"
its unfortunate that it came to that. but we really didnt see any other option. it was awkward enough for us to go in there once, i dont think we would have been ok with going back again. and we were desperate
I am so glad you knew your rights. It made me happy to read that you calmly reacted to this ridiculous situation.
Though I can't say at your age I would have thought to complain, I certainly would now.
this is only beginning of the many, many things juno lied about.
the planned parenthood you're talking about is right in my neighborhood. i wish i knew you, so i could help.
the actions of that CVS clerk are unbelievable. i'm so glad you knew your rights! it sickens me how many women would have been shamed out of their choices if they faced that bitch.
i'm glad she wasn't pregnant. give her a hug for me :)
You rock. Enough said.
ditto. I can not even believe the clerk... I ....honestly have no words........
Way to persevere!
wow. It's so great that you were able to stand up for your rights, I mean, that takes a lot of courage.......and you also really helped out your friend which is great.
I can't believe that clerk said that to you, but I'm glad that you didn't just leave, you stood up to her and told her your rights. I hope that if I am ever in that situation, I am brave enough to do that too.
You rock!
Lotsa preachin' to the choir around here.
Good for you for keeping your wits and standing up for your rights! I think a well placed call though to corporate about your experience with this cashier might inform her that she had no right but will also make you feel better. And see more about Juno
Good for you! I admire you for not backing down, and standing up for your friend. That's a really brave thing to do. Some people are so fucking ignorant it's unbelievable
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hah.
the same thing happened to me and a friend of mine.
and i mean literally like THE SAME THING.
except we were 16 and 17.
oh and, not awfully proud about this, but then again not terribly ashamed either. we ended up just stealing the test.
in my friends beautiful phrasing "if they already think im an immoral whore i might as well be a thief too"
its unfortunate that it came to that. but we really didnt see any other option. it was awkward enough for us to go in there once, i dont think we would have been ok with going back again. and we were desperate
hah.
the same thing happened to me and a friend of mine.
and i mean literally like THE SAME THING.
except we were 16 and 17.
oh and, not awfully proud about this, but then again not terribly ashamed either. we ended up just stealing the test.
in my friends beautiful phrasing "if they already think im an immoral whore i might as well be a thief too"
its unfortunate that it came to that. but we really didnt see any other option. it was awkward enough for us to go in there once, i dont think we would have been ok with going back again. and we were desperate