Rachel_Setzer recently posted a post on Men and Feminism that was actually called Feminism and Men , and I was actually about to post a post on this topic, kind of. So consider this a comment on her post and my own post as well. Or maybe this is some sort of collective creation.
I've always been really frustrated with my mum's political inactivism. I've seen her get so heated and so frustrated about things, have such a passion about the inequality of certain things, and then I've seen her turn around and be very apathetic when I've suggested ways that she could produce political change about an issue. Despite this, I've always been extremely happy about how much she's supported me when I've been politically active with class issues, feminism, LGBT2IQQ+ issues, arts issues, etc. I was even happy when she leant me clothes to wear to an awards dinner for some feminist stuff I did (I somehow didn't find it appropriate to wear all my mens clothing to a Status of Women awards dinner, although more and more often I'm wondering why).
Recently though, she's taken a turn on this support. I came out as trans (a transdude specifically) almost a year ago - to my parents - now and to save you having to read a bunch of irrelavent stuff I won't say how that went. For the most part though, they've been supportive. Mainly because I've been firm in letting them know that it's not their "fault" that I'm trans, and I've been firm in showing them that I won't change to adapt to be what they want me to be, and I've provided them with as much support and as many resources as I can for them too. Tonight though, I was out for dinner with them (we're vacationing in California and have eaten out every night for two weeks, which has led to some pretty interesting conversations) and we began discussing my plans for this school year. I told them about all my extra-curriculars that I've chosen to do this year (various things I'm volunteering for in the city, a couple of plays I'm producing with my company) and I told them that I wanted to revitalize the feminist organization that I had started at my school a couple of years back. It has fallen (due to a poor administration of the group, and through lack of participation) to a pretty disgusting level considering my school's social justice orientation. I'm less than content with that because my school, at its very inception, was feminist-rooted, but we seem to have lost that and I felt like our group brought some of that back and it feels more than necessary at my school. So I told them that this was what, more than anything, I dreamed of doing this year.
And that's when it happened.
The bombshell bigger than last night's "If you want that stray cat you're paying to get him neutered and for all his food and his check up and his shots on your own".
My mum gave me her look of "well now you're being ridiculous and far-fetched and don't you think just a little bit overly dramatic?". And so I asked her what that look was about. "Well, .... isn't..that...thing , about ... you know...WOMENS issues?"
My family, my mom and I especially, have always been quick to fight, and so I didn't answer her, as part of my new plan to just not react and to keep all the anger inside so I don't outlash in a way that hurts everyone involved. But I felt like saying, "how the hell do you think feminism is going to go ANYWHERE if men don't get on board? women have said time and time and time again that if men don't co-operate, this can't work. it's what feminism is ABOUT. if we don't educate men on womens issues, if men don't get involved and prove to other men that feminism isn't a boiling kettle of lava, how do you expect anything to change?"
It felt so weird for her to be saying this to me. It felt so wrong to its very core that she could be almost condemning my passion to rectify some things in the world. I've always gone by the belief that many hands make light work, and that we shouldn't be picky about whose hands they are.
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Thanks for posting this. I run into way too many fellow transmen, bois and butches who are definitely, absolutely not feminists. It's great to hear from someone who understands that feminism is for every gender and every chromosome.
Thank you, this post made my day :) you are absolutely right. The only way this will ever work is if we are all in it together.
Best of luck to you with your organization!
I, being a possible transguy myself, can totally relate.
"But if you transition, you can't be a feminist anymore!"
Ah, but I can. And it'll be great, because I am still me, whether I am male or female.
That said, I do know a lot of women who feel uncomfortable with men voicing their opinions on "women's" issues. They feel that men don't understand, or that there's something "missing". For example, the abortion issue. You do hear some women who do not feel as if men should have an opinion, as they will never need an abortion for themselves. Maybe that's where your mom was coming from. Not that it makes it the right thing to think or say, but maybe that's why she feels the way she does.
If you feel comfortable (and if you're anything like me and my mom, you probably don't), maybe you could open a dialogue about how men can help feminism and help women. Maybe she'd see your side. :)
thank you all for your comments, they've really given me new perspectives on the whole thing. but i think the thing that annoys me the most is that she WASN'T coming from the standpoint of men don't know what it's like. she was just coming from the standpoint of if i'm going to identify as male then i shouldn't care about women's issues. or at least, that's how she presented it to me.
it's so strange though, the role of trans people in feminism varies from organization to organization and person to person. everyone's views are different and it's so strange to me to see this because all i can ever think is that if everyone experiences sexism we shouldn't all have to experience it the same way to have a legitimate reason to be involved in feminism.
so now that my comment has almost become another post (albeit a much more tired post, as it's almost 1:30 here now) i am going to end it. :)