Actually, both my parents are feminists. My mom really overtly taught me about feminism, but as i get older I realize more and more that my dad shaped my feminism, too. I was raised along with my 3 brothers, and I only realize now how consciously both my parents tried to make me know that I can do anything they can do. My dad tells me now how hard it was sometimes to make sure that I had access to everything they did, because of the ideas of some teachers/coaches/friends parents, etc.

One of the biggest things my dad has done in recent years that make me realize his feminism is that he hasn't try in the least to own my sexuality. It totally gives me the creeps to see all these purity balls and whatnot because my father has never tried to have any control over that part of my life. My parents made sure that I was given accurate information about sex from a young age (even though I went to Catholic school), and when I was 18 and introducing them to my first serious boyfriend, I asked him not to embarrass me, and to try and like the guy. He responded:

"hey, who you date is really none of my business; you're fully capable of making those decisions. you don't have to have my approval ... unless you're going to marry one of them, then I'll just try to talk you out of it."

as a now-23 year old, with no intention to get married anytime soon and moving in with my boyfriend, that still means a lot to me, and actually did make me more responsible with my sex life and reproductive health because it drove home the fact that those things were mine to control and protect.

I'm sure its hard to imagine your tiny daughter's sexuality just yet, but hey, someday you'll have to figure out how you'll deal with it. thank you for being a feminist father. You'll have a revolutionary little lady on your hands in no time. greatest luck.

While my dad would in no way fit into the definition of "feminist" I fully credit him with helping me become the strong, independent, feminist I am today.

What he did best as a dad was to make sure that he really knew me. He didn't have an ideal for a daughter, he didn't expect me to conform to some mold. He just was there often enough to make sure he got to really know who I was as a person.

That way, he knew the boundaries and my limitations and my preferences. He pushed me to excel in academics because I wanted to be smart. His expectations for me fell in line with my own expectations of myself and he never let me compromise those values. He pushed me in sports, but only to the extent I wanted. I had talent, more than most, but not enough to be great. So he pushed me to be as good as I could while still being able to have fun. If I didn't have talent in an area (music for instance) he pushed me until it became clear I didn't like it and it wasn't worth my time. He made sure if I quit, that at least I had given it a real try.

Most of all, he just liked who I was and allowed me to be myself. I remember one summer when I was home from college and we were sitting down to dinner and he just looked at me and said, "You're the real deal." I was confused and my mom explained that he just thought I was a genuinely great person and that he'd like me even if we weren't related. That's meant so much to me. He doesn't own me or take credit for my accomplishments. He's proud of me and likes the person I've become.

My advice is to really respect your daughter's personality and let her know she's a great individual no matter how weird she may seem to herself at times.

My father has been really supportive of me in many of my decisions. That's not to say he hasn't questioned me or tried to help me (when I didn't really want it), but he has listened to what I thought and treated me like a full, real person. I don't really remember him acting like I was a person-in-the-making.

I think the best thing you can do for your daughter (at least, that seems to be what the last sentence means) is to help her define herself beyond what others say and do - that her worth isn't based on what others think, but who she is inside. I think you can do that by helping her develop talents that she has an interest in. You can ask her questions about things she knows and really listen to her and have real conversations about her opinions. I think a real conversation, where you feel valued and listened to can really help you build self-confidence and put worth into your own opinions. Try to let her feel unjudged with you. Accept her for who she is. Let her know that if she's not like "other" girls, or if she is, it doesn't matter. That you love her because she is who she is, and if she changes, that's okay.

You've got a strong base to work from because you're already aware of some of the problems she will likely face. You can help her a lot by just being there for her when she needs you and knowing that it's not a father's place to own his daughter. She will be proud of you, I know it.

I know that I've heard that one of the most important things determining whether a woman is successful is having a father who believes that women can do anything. While this in itself is somewhat problematic and probably a result of patriarchy (why is the father so important?), I've found it to be true for many women that I know, including myself. (I even think Jessica has talked about this in regards to her father so you might search old posts). Anyway, my dad was a huge feminist, and I definitely think that had a big impact on my life, my feminism and my career path, at least as much as, if not more than, the impact of important women in my life. And my dad - at 70 - still recognizes the bull shit, including sexist bull shit, in this world more than anyone else I know. So, yes, I think you are very important to your daughter's development of a feminist persona.

My dad always told me I looked and weighed exactly right every time I felt bad about it. Or any time he heard someone give me a hard time about it. Granted, I was skinny. He still made a point, though, to tell me that to him a woman should have some weight to her.

My mom always wanted me to be more feminine than I ever was or am, and I think to this day she's disappointed. My dad, however, taught me how to fix my car. He encouraged me in science and math, even though I wasn't good at either. He never -ever- treated me like I couldn't do something. If anything, he insisted that I was better at things than I thought. He liked whenever I participated in sports, and he appreciated my taste for t-shirts and jeans.

My dad never yelled at me, not once in my life. He always talked to me like I was a real, grown person, even when I was far from it, and even when he wasn't at all happy with me.

Really, my dad treated me somewhat like a boy, but from what I have seen since then he was a bit gentler than he would have been with a son. Perhaps it was because he just never had a son, but I like to think that he just has a soft spot for daughters.

My dad was more of a feminist than my mom, despite being raised by an abusive mom himself. In a way, I think his feminism was more reassuring to me than the positive directions my mom tried to send me in.

To be honest, my father is not at all feminist. With my experience, rather than tell what to do, I can tell what not to do :]

1. Don't let her believe she has to live up to the beauty industry's standards. My father has still, at 19 years, told me I was beautiful. Be sure your daughter knows that you love her for who she is, and that you think she is beautiful and the perfect size for who she is.

2. Don't try to control her sexuality. It may be tough, but you need to teach her correct sexual education and to be responsible of her own body. Teach her what rape is and how to avoid it. Teach her that if she is going to have sex, do it safely, etc. Please try not to let her be your "baby" forever. It's incredibly annoying. If she's old enough to have a serious relationship, or even a sexual one, respect her for her choices and don't judge her.

3. Educate her about feminism. Teach her the history about all the waves, movements, etc. Teach her what feminists have accomplished and why it's important today. Let her know that the work is not done, and that she may have to fight one day too.

4. Please, please, please, never laugh or shrug off her ideas. My father would always make fun of my ideas, no matter what they were. To this day I have a hard time expressing my viewpoints face to face with men I don't know well. While it may seem funny to you, laughing at her could possibly effect her in the long run.

Just a couple of points that I thought of. I'm sure others have already pointed those out (I'm in a hurry and couldn't read all of the responses.)

Good luck, and I hope your daughter grows up to be a powerful woman with a lot of self-respect!

My daughter is not in preschool yet, so I have not had a lot of practice at this yet. I have seen some negative examples, though.

My niece, C., is 14. She was a great softball player, better than her younger brother. When she reached middleschool, she quit. Everyone in the family attributes it to some nebulous and mysterious girl aging process, no matter how many times my spouse and I try to explain that it was her father constantly mocking her for throwing like a girl and never praising her achievements. Likewise geography and math: I used to do math problems with C at family gatherings, and look at maps and talk geography and history. But she got no reinforcement, no support. (Don't get me started on sex ed. My spouse is a one-woman educational workshop for C. and I hope her parents have the common decency to appreciate her doing what they are too embarrassed to do).

There's a phenomenon that I don't know the name for where European footballers are disproportionately born in January. (Stay with me, I'm going somewhere with this.) Likewise, U.S., but not foreign, baseball players' birthdates cluster in the summer. It turns out the kids who just miss the age cutoff and are the oldest kids in the league excel. They are just a little older and do just a little better; but thy get a lot of positive reinforcement, and more opportunities (all-star and travel teams, etc.) Praise and mentoring and opportunities to learn and try and be great, apparently, are the formula for greatness. Low expectations and lack of support are the formula for failure. Nothing is certain, of course; some folks succeed despite the most appalling conditions and some fail with all the support in the world. But that's not the way it tends to go.

So having seen how it works and how it doesn't, I think I know what I need to do: affirm her, encourage her, support her, and keep giving her opportunities to try and to fall in love with trying; whoever she is and whatever she does.

My dad wasn't exactly feminist either, but he included me in a lot of the things he did whether they were "masculine" or not, didn't treat me like I was all that different because I was a girl, and taught me that all women's bodies - and bodies in general - are beautiful. He taught me to be open about sex and never shamed me for it. And he would often refuse to help me until he was absolutely sure I couldn't do it myself - which sometimes made me very angry but also taught me to be independent, trust in my own abilities, and test my abilities rather than limit myself by thinking that I couldn't do more.