You know, I was just about to post and be like, "Wow, you sound so much like my sister; she's totally awesome and amazing and this is just like us! Our dad is an electrical engineer! We played video games, too! Oh, Commodore 64! She's had kids on WoW call HER 'mom'! And she hates it when players say they're 'gonna rape [that thing]!"

...and then I realized you WERE my sister. Hah! I'm so smart.

I think it's incredibly stupid how toys are separated. I worked in the toy aisle at Target last night, stocking. What do the "girl" aisles contain? Miles of pink, babies, makeup and hair, and princesses. Though, I'd like to note here that girl toys are way more likely to show girls that are not white on the boxes.

What did boys get? Miles of blue and black, "hardcore", violence-oriented toys that shoot, punch, kill or move on their own.

How are products for girls and boys broken down? Pink and blue. This goes from goggles and lifevests to cameras and mp3 players to any product aimed at a child.

And people wonder why kids have such strong gendered identity. MYSTERY NO MORE, I SAY!

To finish, it bothers me immensely that "rape" is a term just thrown about. Especially after my work on a rape/abuse crisis line.

What bothers me more is the callous and uncaring response. "It doesn't mean anything; chill out."

I'm sorry, do you know people who have been raped? I'd like to think you don't, so that you don't look like a complete assgoblin.

I am not a very technically-oriented person, and I am not into the gaming community, so the content of this post was entirely new to me. Thanks! Your analysis is very interesting, and sounds frustrating and offensive all at once! Brava to you for not caving in and making a male 'toon.' I am the same way; no compromising on my integrity. :)

In response to your sister's post below, Target is one of the WORST places for gendered toys. It makes me almost physically sick to go into the respective "boys" and "girls" toy aisles. I will additionally concur with hatred of throwing the word/term "rape" around. How incredibly offensive.

Truly, I never know what to make of these "studies" that conclude things like, women love to bake or gay men's brains look like straight women's brains. I am sure that they did gather some information and >50% of the women that they surveyed liked to bake but what about the other 49%?

What really bothers me is that I am always in that 49% (along with a lot of other women). I am an Aerospace Engineer. I work with ALL MEN but I am don't feel like I have to be like a guy to fit in.

I have never understood why people are so attached to stereotypes. Like if all women don't really want to do house work then the world will end.

as a kid, every girl i knew played video games and it didn't seem to be a "boy thing" up until high school. now i don't know of any other girls (in real life) that play video games. i don't play RPGs but i'm in love with halo. we got x-box live and i picked an ultra-girlie name, proceeded to kick ass, and holy crap did i get a lot of shit. it seems every other game i get guys calling me a "bitch" even before i say a word and i'm referred to as "the bitch" the entire game. i also get the usual "are you a girl? OMG, you're a girl!!! OMG! girl's don't play shooter games!" which is a little more tolerable. my character gets humped a lot, both before and after being killed. i tend to get betrayed (people on my team killing me) more than my friends with gender-neutral or masculine names. the younger boys (you can tell by their higher voices) are a lot less vicious with their sexism, usually saying they'll protect me in the game, yelling at and killing the others guys for dissing me.

oh, and the whole "let's rape them!" and "you just got raped!" is alive and well on x-box live, too. i had never heard of the term used in that way until i started playing.

I too have been a lifelong female gamer. I grew up on Nintendo and C64 games, but my mom tried to get us cheap deals on everything new so that we always had an entertaining babysitter. And anyhow, she liked to play games too (especially Zelda).
Unfortunately, when you play a multi-player online game, you have to deal with men in "their element", which means they want it to be a gentleman's club, with the only women showing up being Maxim models and booth babes. Every day, I have to fight through ridiculous comments made about my gender, comments about someone's "stupid wife", etc. And it never gets any better.
It is funny you mention this, I created a new blog so I could write about things like this earlier today. First post here:http://sthenno.wordpress.com/2008/07/13/one-day-we-decide-to-grow-up/
The gaming world is changing, but unfortunately the men aren't. An excellent reason to get the young boys you know respecting women right off the bat.
As for the rape thing, the more you complain about it, the more they will say it. If you have ever been to forums like SomethingAwful, etc, you will notice how rebellious the "internet male" attitude is against anything that does not focus on empowering socially inept men. The internet is a place where anonymity is used as a weapon.

Whoo fellow gamers!

I haven't faced a lot of sexism in the game (I'm a big fan of "Well, fuck you, /ignore" though). Given, before joining a guild I inquire how female and gay friendly it is, and I announce my gender to PUGs and such (why should I let someone assume I'm a guy?). It kind of sucks that I have to be so discerning about who I play with, but if they want to be bigots, they can find a new healer.

I do play a guy, though. It's not a feminist statement either way, I just like the way my male blood elf looks. People assume I'm a guy just as much as they'd assume I was if I played a girl. But it really irks me when people ask questions like "How did you get into gaming?" assuming that since I'm a girl, it's weird for be into gaming. I got into it the same way my brother did, thank you.

I seldom announce I am female, just because guys don't have to do it. But once I am addressed with a "dude", "asshole", etc, I let it be known that I am none of the above. And if they use bitch with me, they get a nice little ticket opened on them. Unfortunately, it is a lot harder to do with guild members. And to be able to raid, I essentially am forced to be in a guild with jerks. It is like being in the upper eschelons of a corporation. The thing I have working for me is being the only restoration druid in my guild who can raid full time. That and my skill earn me enough respect to stay.

I'd like to give a round of applause to the author of this article. I found it very interesting and I had no hesitation in passing the link around to a few gamer friends.

I've been a gamer for about 20 years now, starting with the C64 when I was less than a year old (ftw for thomas the tank..), and I totally agree with you.

Being a male gamer, I couldn't agree more that many male gamers (or male characters in games) immediately get either, more respect or less 'backchat', and when they do the situation is resolved after a few minutes of mindless arrogance and idiocy.

I've played FFXI now for around 4years, I've met several female gamers who have amazing skill in the game and who have no worries about finding out about the game's dynamics to try and improve their gaming potential. I've met several female players that could take me to PVP and clean me out in seconds.

Funnily enough, I have met very few MALE gamers that could equal the female players I have met.

I only diffrenciate genders in gamers for the sole purpose of knowing how and when to limit the language I use, but that is because I have always tried to be as polite as possible in front of any children and/or women, so any swearing or other 'inappropriate' language is kept to the minimum.

I have, in the past, logged onto a female friend's character, and I have found the experience quite interesting. I have spoke to several of my (and her) other friends while they were unaware I was on her account. The reactions I got from said friends were far different as to the ones I get when on my own character.

Several private messages (/tell's, whispers, whatever they're known as in your game of choice), asking for Cybersex (the act of using text, from one or more people, as a sexual stimulant) from people I thought were honest, respectable people.

I then went to group together with other players, only to be told how to play a job that I have levelled (on my own account), when I tried to explain that I have already played the job and have been applauded for the work I do on it, I was told "You wouldn't understand, girls never understand the dynamics of video games".

I'm sorry, but that was all I could take, I instantly began correcting him about his entire sentence.

I pointed out the same facts to him as I have written just here. I told him about the number of female players I have played with, the amount of skill those players showed and the fact that I have a penis. Needless to say, he didn't argue with me much after that. I don't know why, I don't care why, all I know is that people with enough intelligence to insult a gender, that makes up around 30%+ of FFXI, should not be able to play a game until their narrow-minded views on life have been severely altered.

~FFXI : Sylph - Hitetsu

Technicolour24k: I only diffrenciate genders in gamers for the sole purpose of knowing how and when to limit the language I use, but that is because I have always tried to be as polite as possible in front of any children and/or women, so any swearing or other 'inappropriate' language is kept to the minimum.

While I think you really mean well, there's something that really bothers me about what you've written. I don't see why you feel the need to edit yourself in front of women and children. Children, maybe. I suppose I can see some logic in that. But what are you saying when there aren't women around that you feel you can't say in front of them? And if that's the case, why are you saying it at all? I think that's kindof hypocritical, to be honest.

I'm sorry, but that was all I could take, I instantly began correcting him about his entire sentence.

But good on you for correcting someone for being a complete dumbass. I think it's necessary in a live forum like an MMO to have an opne dialogue about these sorts of things, even if the other person isn't listening.

wowcabbage: But what are you saying when there aren't women around that you feel you can't say in front of them? And if that's the case, why are you saying it at all?

That was probably a very bad choice of words, and these are most likely to be another bad choice but they (I hope) will explain what I meant to say.

I have found several women prefer language to be kept as 'clean' as possible, I never questioned why, I simply assumed that they found it offensive in some way. I know this is most likely a downfall in my trying to show that I'm a polite and respectable member of the community, but until I have 'assessed' the language a person uses, I try to avoid swearing of any sort. Though admittedly I limit it more among women than I do men, mostly because I have only found women that have been offended, if a male were to tell me that my language offended them, I would begin watching what I say when around them also.

wowcabbage made a point that what I do could be deemed hypocritical, I had never looked at it from that point of view and will admit it does look quite hypocritical from that perspective.

I make every possible attempt to treat everyone as individuals and as equals, but in some instances (such as this) I do end up treating one gender differently to another, though it is without intending on doing so.

Technicolour24k:

Wow, thanks for taking my criticism so well. I was a little worried at first, but I feel much better in that you didn't get offended.

It just sounded hypocritical the way that you said it, but if it's what you've been asked to do, then I see no issue with it at all. I just resent the notion that women need to be coddled and protected from bad language in the same way that a child does, and I was hoping that this wasn't at the heart of your actions. Since it's not, I have no criticism at all! :D

Wow, i think you're absolutely right! I already heard that kind of stuff, but only a few time. To make things clear: I'm a man. I did play both WoW(for nearly 2 years) and FFXI(for nearly 4 years).For as long as i can remember, i never give any sort of criticisms to any girls i saw or heard playing the game, or any other games. I always thought it would make the game somehow more entertening.

Playing only with guys something get dull. Specially since all you heard is "noob" or "fags". Those things make the game dull. I never said anything agaisnt female player. Even so if i admit when im talking to a "toon" girl and i learn she is a girl for real.

Having some girl around, make it look a little more different and less 'Male-only' place.

Cuz i know a lot friends of mine who always play female toon. I personnaly don't like it. Even if it's a roleplay i do think you should play you're own Gender. No wonder why boys are so suprise to learn than you're a girl. Just take Mithra in FFXI for exemple, more than half of those than i met was boys.

The Anonymity of the internet let's some feel in security or even a feeling of power. So they try to flirt and say thing they usually dosn't say in Real Life, that go also for the insults.Face-to-Face, i bet i would heard less likely "n00b" and "fags". By the way, i don't use these terms.

Also ,i already heard from girls: " I'm a girl, so i don't play often games." or "I'm a girl, so i don't like games." Making that an excuse for not being good at a game. Gender have totally no link. YOu just don't play or don't like games. Maybe those people could be the problem? Maybe it's not just that but that certainly dont help it.

Even so, everything here still my opinion, feel free to give me yours 'bout mine.

FFXI - Razorberzerk Sylph
WoW - Razorberzerk undead - Anub'arak (retired)

wowcabbage:
I find criticism helpful when it is as constructive as yours was, it helps me understand where I am going wrong and how to correct it.

I didn't mean to imply that women need protecting from bad language, the way I look at it is: "You've willingly subjected yourself to the Internet, therefore you're on the same field as everyone else and, unless otherwise stated, are likely to be subjected to the same behaviour as anyone else"

I completely agree with Razor also, playing with just groups of males gets undeniabley boring sometimes, I enjoy talking to the female players because I generally get a more interesting conversation.

This is a fairly interesting topic, and I think it bears rather a bit of examination. While male, I always play female avatars. (Hume female 2b, I'm not the only one) I don't really think I need to justify this; there are a myriad of reasons why when you're making up a character, it can be anything you want. Plus, if I'm going to be looking at a character for thousands of hours, well.

In any event, in my FFXI experience, people are completely unable to filter their thoughts before speaking, or, somehow, typing. Strangely, I don't get a lot of tells anymore asking if I'm "actually a girl," but I think it may have to do with people getting more savvy about the fact that character gender has little to do with player gender.

But people online will find any way they can to be rude and dismissive, and the stereotype that girls are bad players is very, very prevalent. Though, truth be told, I think that most people think they are the only good player and everyone else is rubbish.

But I will say this: to be a good player at a MMORPG, at least, I would argue that you have to be far more devoted and praticed than is healthy. I'd probably argue that to be in the upper echelons it is almost a requirement that you be unhealthily obsessed with the game you are playing. Is it a badge of honor for the males of a game to claim, to my eyes, that their gender is more likely to be obsessive and shut-in? And of course, that's not the only kind of person who is good at these games, but having the very best equipment and knowing the mechanics in and out takes lots and lots of time and devotion and practice.

As far as throwing around terms like "rape," well that's a complicated issue, too. Certainly, rape is a brutal and life-shattering act that should not be taken lightly. By that note, so is killing. I would, in fact, argue that killing a person is worse than raping them, yet people don't get as much flak for saying "let's go kill those horde dickbutts." I don't hear much "my brother was murdered, don't say crap like that." It seems strange that people put up with bandying about one horror but not another.

I'll admit to saying the occasional "Dude... I'm a guy" when my female FFXI character gets hit on and I don't feel like dealing with it, but for the most part I'm very proud of portraying myself as the accomplished girl gamer that I am. I actually have very few problems with that sort of nonsense lately; the endgame group I'm a member of is run by two married couples and has a high percentage of women, and my social group is more than half female.

We did have an instance of a woman joining our social group and trying to get the guys to give her things simply *because* she was female. The other ladies and I came down on her hard; she didn't last long.

DUNOTS: As far as throwing around terms like "rape," well that's a complicated issue, too. Certainly, rape is a brutal and life-shattering act that should not be taken lightly. By that note, so is killing. I would, in fact, argue that killing a person is worse than raping them, yet people don't get as much flak for saying "let's go kill those horde dickbutts." I don't hear much "my brother was murdered, don't say crap like that." It seems strange that people put up with bandying about one horror but not another.

The difference is that you're actually going to go kill the monster in the game. You're not going to go rape them. Killing is an accepted part of an RPG. You're going hunt down and kill these monsters/enemies. Most the time, the premise of the game is killing someone or something. If you said something like, "let's string up the horde dickbutts by their intestines and pull their teeth out one by one," I might have more of an issue. After all, I guess I just don't see the need for that level of vulgarity and you're not doing that. You're just killing them.

However, to say that you're going to go "rape" someone is totally different to me. It implies something else. There are so many social stigmas attached to the act of rape - making the recipient dirty, punishing/humiliating/putting into place of the recipient, making them "into a woman", "owning" them, etc. Not only is it an inaccurate term for what's happening in the game, it's making bizarre threats. It also shows a lack of respect for the victims of this kind of crime, who are primarily women (but there are obviously male rape victims, too), and that can really make someone feel devalued and sort of ignored. It's hard to explain, but I hope I got my ideas across.

This is a deeply interesting conversation for me, as a woman, and as a gamer. In the three MMOs I play, the first two I have seen, and been subjected to, this sort of behavior. The third, Myst Online, this sort of incident almost never happens. The community as a whole won't stand for it.

And while MO is a small community compared to WoW or others, it bugs me that the same sort of thing doesn't happen in larger gaming communities. Is it really that the majority of players think this sorta BS is ok, and no one is willing to call them on it?

Unfortunately, I think part of the issue is the big push to show off Girl Gamers as 'just one of the guys'... Look, we like to Blow Sh*t Up just like you! Look, we think running around killing things for gold is Loads of Fun! It leaves people thinking "Oh, them girls can take anything we dish out, and it's OK!" It gives them an excuse to be jerks. It's an utterly lame and pathetic excuse, but it's there.

Eleri Hamilton:

Myst!! I love Myst! And it heartens me to hear that the community is better there. :)

...okay, I'm done fangirling now.