I think one thing is sometimes when you express feelings you strongly believe you come across as if you are trying to force those believes on other people.

I have that same problem in person and probably on discussion boards. I talk/write as if I think I am right, and that kinda means you are wrong if you don't agree with me. It (meaning me) can be abrasive and you (meaning me) run the risk of appearing arrogant.

With all that being said, I think there is some merit to the above quote, especially [being opinionated] "can make you seem like you're not open to other people's points of view, and you might come off as narrow-minded instead of opinionated."

It's not that your opinionated, it's how your opinionated.

In theory, Steven's analysis makes sense. However, we are not living in a vacuum world in which that common sense-type advice lacks any sort of cultural context or setting. The setting in which this particular bit of "advice" is located is one where women, notably young women, are socialized to believe that they have no right to be opinionated, that it is off-putting, and that it may cause them to appear unladylike with their lack of accommodation for others' feelings.

While, like Steven points out, we *should* pay attention to what we say and how we say it because it can have effects on how others perceive us, this advice is not universally given. While perhaps we [society] SHOULD tell men and boys that very same message, we don't. We tell women and girls that they should behave this way. CosmoGirl, whether they mean to or not, is reinforcing this traditionalistic script with their comments.

I would say this about CG answer, as quoted above... It did not answer the question...

"I'm smart, confident, ambitious -- and opinionated. I know these are positive qualities, but a lot of guys find me intimidating. What's going on?"

Well, she may actually intimidate some of the guys. That is the honest up front answer. Some guys don't know how to deal with smart vocal women.

How to handle that is another question, one which CG attempted to answer. Basically they said warm the insecure guys up to your opinionated. Take that how you will.

That's so sad. I've noticed a trend in teen magazines though that reflects the "shut up and behave sentiment." I always read teen mags when I was a preteen and "woman" mags as a teenager. When I was a preteen in the 90s they were daring and encouraged girls to be outgoing and even outrageous. They had articles that screamed girl power and such. Now a days they seem to be a lot more conservative and conforming. I believe that a lot of it has to do with their readers, however. Whenever a magazine like Cosmo Girl or Seventeen tries to do an article on something progressive like (shock) birth control or sexuality they are always attacked with a slew of letters moaning that they have overstepped their boundaries as a "teen magazine." Many of these letters are from parents which shows that my generation of girls is being told to shut up and conform and many are going along with it.

I don't remember teen magazines encourages girls to be outrageous in the '90s. They had the same exact crap that they've always had: articles about boys, talking to boys, looking good for boys, not intimidating boys, the importance of being liked by boys, etc. I would suggest you find some old copies of those same magazines, Maggie, and read them again now.

But I don't think this is inherently contradictory advice. I know a guy who could actually use this exact advice, not because he needs to be less opinionated but because he gets so enthusiastic about expressing his opinion, he makes it seem like his opinion is the only rational, right one.

The problem I have with it is that it automatically assumes that there is something wrong with the girl who wrote in, and further assumes what exactly the problem is. Maybe she's just surrounded by a bunch of insecure boys, in which case they should have said that and advised her to just keep being herself in spite of it.

Steven, I see your point and agree that it is important to be aware of how we present our opinions, but like LlesbianLlama said, often times young girls are told that they should keep quiet completely in order to abide by “lady-like” standards. Thus, even if that wasn’t Cosmogirl’s intention, it can come off as if they are reinforcing such ideas.

Maggie Franz, I agree. It worries me that many companies, people, whatever are concerned with not ruffling any feathers and avoiding controversy at all costs. Because of this, it seems like they’re willing to comply with conservative ideas instead of pushing the envelope, just to make sure that they’re not looked down upon. It’s a shame that teen magazines – which are incredibly influential to teen girls (when I was younger, it was where I got most, if not all, of my information from) – have to censor themselves.