I just came across the recent post on Sexual Harassment in Egypt. Reading it brought back a flood of emotions for me, and decided to go ahead and try to share. (note: these are solely my experiences, and I don't want to pretend to speak for everyone else):
I lived in Egypt, enrolled at the American University in Cairo, when I was 19, in 2005. My boyfriend also went, and for some perspective, I'm a small white female, and he is a "brown" biracial male (of Pakistani descent).
My time abroad, generally speaking, was a complete mix of ups and downs, and most of these peaks and troughs were directly related to my gender. But the one that is both easiest, and yet most difficult, to recall is my close experience with deeply seeded sexism in the country.
Prior to this one experience, I certainly had other encounters with sexism and inequality. I saw Egyptian women being harassed from on the streets. But I don't want to paint a misleading picture: Not all of them took to being ogled and berated passively; many of them verbally fought back, scolding random men on the street. Additionally, it was nearly impossible to purchase tampons unless a woman could show that she was married. I'll tell you, I bit my tongue hard on that one many times, trying to balance cultural differences with what i considered innate facts about female equality.
But a couple months into being there, I was riding the shuttle from the dorms to the campus. I was sitting next to my boyfriend, which I often did, when he said something funny. I remember laughing out loud and then for a minute resting my head on his shoulders. I also remember that a minute or two later, our shuttle had stopped and the driver had gotten out, and was cursing in arabic, but it was nothing I could make out. Eventually the guards around my school had to restrain him, because he was getting angrier and angrier and out of control. I didn't think anything of it for a while.
For the next couple of weeks, my roommate kept telling me that while I was out of our dorm room, a couple of people kept stopping by who said they "really needed to speak with me." Since I wasn't ever around when they came I pretty much ignored it, until one day, when my roommate looked a little frightened and let me know that they had come back and had threatened that if I did not come speak with them immediately, they would "kick me out."
I just remember being sure that they had the wrong person because I never did anything that was against the rules. I kept no alcohol in my room, I wasn't noisy, and my boyfriend had certainly never snuck into the "girls" dorms (that was a grave offense, we knew!) When I went to the office, they sat me down and said that I had "upset" one of the bus drivers with my "overt display" of "inappropriate sexual behavior". Apparently, he wanted to start a riot. I told them they had the wrong person until I remembered that day on the bus, and realized that it probably had been me. I started to think of all the looks I had been getting lately from the staff, and I pieced everything together and started to cry. The woman who was talking to me felt bad for me, and tried to explain things further.
She said that she believed I hadn't done anything blatantly inappropriate, but that many of the staff hired around the dorms came from a lower socioeconomic class, that tended to be very religious and very conservative. They tended to misinterpret "innocent" things, and sometimes could make up things they didn't see when they were feeling uncomfortable. I knew the rules about PDA and kissing; my boyfriend and I definitely respected the rules. But I didn't know that something as little as flirting or the slightest bit of affection would be the offense that would have gotten me kicked out.
When it all came together and I gathered myself, I got angry. I said that, if there were 2 parties involved in this offense, why were they not threatening to talk to my boyfriend? The woman just gave me this look that was somewhere between sternness and pity, and I guess I should have known better. The men aren't held responsible for acts like that; I was entirely to blame because of my sex.
I was angry and sad for a while after. Staff in the dorms or shuttles would shoot me looks or snicker. Every time men looked at me on the street I wanted to both cry and lash out. Harassment that I had never really thought about before was suddenly at the center of all my days. Ogling wasn't just ogling, I knew that they were thinking "whore" and "slut" and "tramp" and I hadn't ever really felt like that before. I couldn't put on ENOUGH clothing to make me feel okay. I felt ashamed to be a woman. No one had made me feel like that up until that point. There was really no place to direct my feelings, because I was embarrassed, and because no one was going to hold them accountable anyway.
After time and more positive experiences, the feelings mostly faded. My boyfriend took me to see the whirling dervishes in this really unique part of Cairo and I just remember watching them dance and it was so beautiful and I felt calm again. I began to appreciate all my other experiences there and got my feminist ya-yas out in courses like Feminism and Modernity in the Middle East & Women in Egyptian Society.
There were a lot of good things about my time there, relating to women. I remember sitting in a cafe, reading a textbook on Egyptian law, when a woman in hijab leaned over and asked if she could talk to me. She was a lawyer, and wanted to talk to me about the differences between female lawyers in the States, and in Egypt. She was intelligent & interesting & insatiably curious.
Then there were the feminist and women's studies courses. I learned from reading Lila Abu-Lughod, Huda Shaawari, Nawal El Saadawi. I learned from the professors and students. They were male and female, arab, white, persian, and african, and each one had such a unique perspective, though all commited to improving the status of women, in Egypt and abroad. I learned so many interesting things that have entirely altered my perspective on international feminisms and equality. These are strong men and women, braver than I could be, who are not apologists, yet they listen to the voices of women, and don't just to conclusions without regard to cultural practices. My debt is to them.
Whenever I see articles that seem to be phrased in a way that makes Arabness, or Egyptianness, or "brownness" scary, or patriarchal, or oppressive, I find that very difficult to stomach. I want to explore these things deeper and not assign labels right away. There are so many prejudices that exist in the States, even with liberal, educated people. But at the same time, I know things need to change. In many ways, Egypt has inculcated its women with feelings of guilt or shame, and the article Jessica posted certainly reflects that. It isn't okay, but I do think that it can change. It can change through education and time, and Egyptian or Muslim feminists, and through understanding.
lo sa'altak, enta masry!
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This is a really interesting story. I can see myself doing the exact same thing and not quite having it set in until someone pointed it out to me. It's such an easy thing for a Westerner (as in myself; I don't know where you come from :) ) to do and not think twice. I would have asked the same thing - why aren't they mad at the man in this situation? I think you handled this really, really well and kudos to you for sticking to it and not letting it cloud your view of Egypt.
Also, I am curious as to what unmarried women use for menstrual products. I'm certainly not opposed to products other than tampons (plastic pads, cloth pads, cups or sponges are okay by me), but I wonder what they are expected to use. Do you know?
Also, the feeling like you can't put enough clothes on to protect yourself from being seen as a "slut" or a "tramp" is something that's familiar to me. When I lived in Japan, I was pretty friendly with guys. Not in a romantic way (at least, not to me), but I wasn't as culturally sensitive as I could have been and I think a lot of people took it the wrong way. When I rejected from advances, it was suddenly all over campus that I was a lesbian (look at the American lesbian! She's so strange and weird! Don't talk to her! Don't let her ask you questions and walk away really quickly while saying rude things in a language we think she can't understand!). There was no defense. There was nothing I could do about what it meant to be lesbian to the people around me (I'm not a lesbian, nor insulted by the idea of being a lesbian, but it's not correct to think that I am and there was a lot of stigma attached to it). It was a strange and alienating feeling that was really upsetting to be both a whore and a frigid lesbian. My problem when I talked about it to American friends (to vent) was that Japanese people could do no wrong. Of course they were right! They produce anime, I like anime, therefore they cannot be wrong. It was hard to explain the sexism and racism that existed past these rose-colored barriers that people had towards viewing Japanese culture.
I guess to end my rambling, while my experience was the opposite of yours (it was positive racism that made people not get it for me, while negative racism made people not get it for you), it's so hard to communicate past the barriers that people put up towards understanding what other cultures are like. But I'm so excited that so many community bloggers on feministing are willing to share their own experiences and that really helps me build a better view of what it means to be someone who isn't me.
This is a beautifully written story, thank you for sharing it.
Mabrouk ya ukhti! hethihi qiSa jameela jidden :)
Yikes, hope that last line makes sense :)
wowcabbage commented on July 18, 2008 6:19 PM: "Also, I am curious as to what unmarried women use for menstrual products. I'm certainly not opposed to products other than tampons (plastic pads, cloth pads, cups or sponges are okay by me), but I wonder what they are expected to use. Do you know?"
My guess is that they're expected to use pads instead of tampons, cups, sponges, or anything else that could go through a hymen (like the way my mom told me to use pads instead of tampons just in case I wanted to marry a traditional man later).
Mina and Wowcabbage
pad are really the only reasonably priced option for dealing with menses while in the middle east
Mina and Dori-
Thank you! I was curious if it was anything particular about tampons or if it was the possibility of a hymen breaking. Now I know!
There are lots of places where it's tough to find tampon. Most of Southeast Asia is a tampon wasteland*.
Also, in Malaysia, progressive as it is -- although I was still horrified by the sexism there -- you cannot find tampons to save your life unless you go to some place like Kuala Lumpur where there are lots of Western tourists.
As to the rest of your post, I understand your impulse to defend Egyptian culture, or at least to assert that it isn't a big, woman-hating monolith. But the predominant and most popular interpretation of Islam is one that does not value women much over their roles as virgins, wives and mothers, am I right? I just can't seem to find much to like about the religion as practiced in most countries. I don't fault textual Islam per se for this, because Lord knows there are enough passges in the Talmud and the Bible and what-have-you that advocate stoning homos and that warn disrespectful children they'll be torn apart by angry bears, etc (really). A religion is defined by the people who interpret it. But Judaism and Christianity have both sort of evolved past the stage of witch-burning and plucking out of right eyes, whereas in much of the Muslim world they're still killing girls for defending themselves against rape and fathers are still killing their disobedient daughters. My point being, doesn't Islam - as practiced - deserve its bad reputation?
*If that isn't a good name for a band, I don't know what is.
have.at.it
Islam doesn't deserve that any more than Christianity deserves a bad reputation for the behavior of the Westboro Baptist Church, or Judaism deserves a bad reputation for the actions of the Israeli government.
These ideas of women's honor and the heavy reactions to it have existed for centuries in many cultures and every culture still has the idea that women are only useful as a virgin or a mother, but only a mother if shes a wife. Just recently I read a story about a girl in a very Orthodox area of Israel having acid dumped on her by one of her neighbors for wearing jeans and a t-shirt outside.
There is also the fact that this treatment of women as observed in Muslim countries is almost entirely something that started on a large scale in the 70's as a reaction to the West attempting to control governments and dictate policy in these countries.
so no, saying that Islam "deserves" its bad rep is glossing over the the subject and is making it into an issue that is the fault of a single thing that is unfamiliar and easy to demonize, instead of the complex social/political reality that it is.
Sorry Dori, you completely missed my point. The point was not that Islam per se is bad. There are clearly ways of interpreting Islam that don't trample on women's rights. It's that Islam AS PRACTICED by the majority of its believers in the countries in question is bad. Sure, there are still huge problems with Christianity and Judaism and everything else in terms of respect for women and according them equal status with men, but the point is that there are no Jews and Christians around the world burying people up to their necks and then throwing rocks at their heads. My point was that those two religions had mostly (not completely, as you point out -- ultraorthodox Jews are a good example of the survival of the old time religions viewpoints on women) moved past murdering women and confining them to the home, whereas Islam has not.
Also, the idea that the ill treatment of women in Muslim society is attributable to the big bad Western governments' interference in the 70's is laughable. Some of it might be reactionary, but woman-devaluing standards and culture has been around in Muslim culture, as it has everywhere, since time began. Islam may have begun as the religion that gave women the most rights, with divorce and property ownership, but it has not remained so.
Give me a better argument than that.
have.at.it-
"Islam-blaming" will never help the ones that actually suffer in these countries. It only serves to alienate and demonise.
When I was at the "Womens worlds conferance" in Madrid this year I heard from many women talking about this subject. Muslim feminists work within the religion not outside it. And when they critisise they aim to reform, not to abolish.
And at the subject of whether islam is worse than christianity and judaism? We still have honor killings in western countries, we just call them "family tragedies" in stead.
------
ainitiawoman -
Nawal El Saadaw rocks! I heard her in Madrid this month, she's a very inspirational speaker.
have.at.it commented on July 21, 2008 12:06 PM: "Islam may have begun as the religion that gave women the most rights, with divorce and property ownership, but it has not remained so."
More like newly-Muslim Arab cultures gave women the most rights in the 700s, and remained at that level while some Western cultures moved from behind them to ahead of them.
Martine Votvik commented on July 24, 2008 6:14 AM: "'Islam-blaming' will never help the ones that actually suffer in these countries. It only serves to alienate and demonise."
Exactly! It lumps together the attackers and the victims. Likewise, "America-blaming" or "Russia-blaming" won't help someone suffering from local traditional sexism in one of those countries.
Martine Votvik commented on July 24, 2008 6:14 AM: "And at the subject of whether islam is worse than christianity and judaism? We still have honor killings in western countries, we just call them 'family tragedies' in stead."
...and/or "gang shootings" if the killer felt "dishonored" by a neighbor instead of a relative, and/or "culture" if the killer's an immigrant, etc.
Thanks to everyone for their great comments! It means a lot to me. and a special shuukrahn, to Dori!
And Martine Votvik, Mina, and Dori, thanks for the really constructive combating of Islamophobia :)