Good post! Yeah I had difficult period before I began taking the pill, too. Sometimes I'd have a period for an entire two weeks! It wasn't painful, though, that's the only good part about it. I did start taking the pill when I became sexually active, but I probably could have taken it sooner to make my period shorter had I known that it did that...we didn't exactly have informative nurses at my school.

I've had a few demeaning and angering experiences with my health care practitioners. It is in some whys a consolation to see that other women have similar experiences. On the other hand, each new story freshens my ire. I am getting a very clear impression that there is an endemic problem in the health care system that gives practitioners the mistaken impression that it is somehow appropriate for them to judge and sermonize their female patients.

Just try being a psych patient who needs pain medication for your compartment syndrome or your bad back (you're treated even worse if you're a female psych patient with pain issues).

Yes, our health care system has major problems; I should know, I work in it and I see it every day.

All gynecological health professionals should say that it's better to be on the pill and not having sex than having sex and not on the pill, and none of them should be giving you dirty or judgmental looks because you choose to remain abstinent. There's nothing wrong with abstinence, and certainly nothing wrong with you for not having sex.

Before I was sexually active I had been on the pill for a few years in order to regulate my period (because instead of only happening every few months, it never stopped -- very disconcerting).

As my grandad used to say, don't let the bastards get you down.

I began seeing a gynecologist for check ups before I started having sex as well, and I had a similar experience. My doctor would always seem surprised when I said I was not sexually active, which was very embarrassing. I think doctors, especially gynecologists, should keep their judgments to themselves. Otherwise, they create a hostile environment in which their patients don't trust them and may not get help for medical issues out of embarrassment and shame.

great post! that totally sucks and i do think it speaks to a larger problem of medical professionals thinking that they have a license to judge their patients for their personal choices.

i too was on the pill long before i was having sex, because i have The Cramps From Hell(TM) and would have to miss school lying prostrate on the couch praying for a swift death. the pill helped me so much. thankfully i had a real sweetheart of a gynecologist who never gave me any flak for being a virgin on the pill. it probably did help that i was so young at the time. i have to wonder what sort of treatment i would have received from my college health center had i still not been sexually active.

I was actually in the same situation as you up until a couple months ago. I didn't take the pill to regulate my periods...but to make the horrible cramps go away lol (seriously...I get the cramps that keep me up all night, threw up, backache...the whole deal). I stopped the pill cuz it started to give me these migraines that I couldn't stand. But I want to go back on it now (I just got my period yesterday and it was BRUTAL). People have been telling me to go on a pill with a lower dosage (I was on alesse before). Does anyone here know anything about that?

...and about the doc thing...I've never had doctors judge me for being a virgin. Although when I tell them that I'm on birth control and that I'm a virgin, I always get a feeling they're thinking "yea right...she's just trying to hide it"

flyinfur - Well, I do see a shrink. I not only have ADD, but I'm bipolar. And while there are a lot of things wrong with Seneca Mental Health, my PA is a doll who doesn't give me too harsh a time about my meds. Then again, we haven't really gone over any seriously touchy issues. The closest she came was giving me a pamphlet that basically said "Depressed? Go to church and find God!" I thought that was a bit too much.

Rachel Setzer - Except I haven't chosen to remain abstinent. It's a lack of options (and maybe just a little bit of a relationship phobia), not choice. I wouldn't say anything, but I'd hate for people to think I'm pro-abstinence. I'm not. So long as both (or more...) parties are willing, everything is consensual and they all understand everything going on, I don't care who has sex. In some instances, it's even healthier to have sex than not. *embarrassed, gets off soapbox*

rileystclair - My first gynecologist was like that. Very kind and understanding. She's the one that talked me into the pill when I was 19 (my main resistance was the PAP I had to have beforehand) and was always supportive. She understood my reasons and was very cool about it. Sadly, she moved on to a different area and since then I've had gynecologists who, while nice, have had a judging air to them.

anjali k - That sucks. I never considered that it was my pill that gave me my migraines. All the women in my mom's family get them with their periods, see. Levlite was a good one, I found. Rarely caused spotting outside of the designated week and no side effects that I noticed. The one I'm on now (Lessina) is also good, but not covered by family planning and (at least at my pharmacy) costs about $18.50 or so. I haven't been on the one you mentioned. I don't think. I've been switched because some caused me lots of bleeding out of turn, and I've switched back and forth a bit between family planning and using a medcare card. *hugs* For me, the doctor KNOWS I'm virgin because she always has problems getting the smallest speculum (?) in me and it's always painful for me. Kind of hard to dispute that I'm a virgin, even without my hymen present.

Yikes. I went on the pill before I'd had any plans of becoming sexually active for the purposes of period (and, secondarily, acne) regulation, too; at 15 or 16, I'd inexplicably stopped having periods for over six months.

As a college freshman, before I was sexually active, I went to the university's health services because I'd been having dizzy episodes and passed out a few times. The doctor asked if I could be pregnant, and I said, "no, I've never had sex." She ordered some blood work -- on suspicion of anemia, she said. A few days later, I was informed by a technician of the results: I wasn't anemic, and I wasn't pregnant. Apparently the doc hadn't believed me when I said I'd never had sex and had ordered a pregnancy test anyway. Classy.

tonia_barone posted at 11:03 AM: "I'm not sexually active. In fact, I'm a virgin and have never even SEEN a penis or vagina in person."

Me too (OK, apart from seeing my own vulva in person ;) ), so you're not alone. I'm on the pill to treat PCOS symptoms. In fact, my GYN at the time recommended it to reduce the symptoms by giving my ovaries something of a rest.

"I've been on the pill for 8 years now and every time I go in for my yearly check up, I dread it because they always ask something along the lines of 'when was the last time you had sex?' I feel embarrassed when I tell them 'I haven't; I'm a virgin.' Then the next question is 'Are you planning on having sex anytime soon?' 'Um...no?' And that answer always gets me a look of 'Well, then, why are you here wasting my time?'"

Stupid jerks! They have no excuse to act like that, especially since the GYNs and PCPs I've had prove health professionals can be so much more polite about it. When I have a regular checkup or go in for abdominal discomfort they do ask if I'm sexually active, could be pregnant, etc...but they make it clear that's some of the data they need to figure out my current symptoms, not to judge my worth as a human being.

Even when it goes
"Are you sexually active?"
"I wish. I haven't even had my first kiss yet. :( "
they don't look down on me for that.

Once I was even sort of on both sides. I ran out of BCP refills, called and asked for a new Rx, and the receptionist politely said I needed a pelvic exam appointment to stay on it so she wanted to schedule one for me as well as pass on my Rx request. I figured she meant it was just checkup time again, said OK, and did get my pills. Then, during the appointment, my doctor said I actually didn't really need an exam now that they know I'm at such low risk for HPV. She said that they usually want sexually active patients to get more frequent checkups (to catch any STIs early) and that the receptionist probably assumed I was sexually active. Instead of treating me like I was wasting her time, she asked me how I was doing, asked if I had any other health concerns while I was there, and offered to do the exam anyway if I still wanted it.

I wish every other patient, no matter how sexually active or inactive, got at least as much respect! It's totally not fair that your experiences have been so much worse than mine!

Tonia Barone commented on July 24, 2008 3:18 PM: "Except I haven't chosen to remain abstinent. It's a lack of options (and maybe just a little bit of a relationship phobia), not choice."

I can relate to that too (except my case is less relationship phobia than shyness about dating). What do some people think I'm supposed to do if not abstain from sex, go try to have sex with a guy against his will and/or beg my family to arrange a marriage? o_O

Tonia Barone commented on July 24, 2008 3:18 PM: "So long as both (or more...) parties are willing, everything is consensual and they all understand everything going on, I don't care who has sex."

Right on! :)

everybodyever commented on July 24, 2008 3:51 PM: "She ordered some blood work -- on suspicion of anemia, she said. A few days later, I was informed by a technician of the results: I wasn't anemic, and I wasn't pregnant. Apparently the doc hadn't believed me when I said I'd never had sex and had ordered a pregnancy test anyway. Classy."

Either that or it's standard operating procedure and she forgot to specify "leave the pregnancy test out this time"? Several years ago I heard that Yale's clinic include pregnancy testing in all the blood work and one of the cismen there got a false positive.

I'm sorry you've had such nasty experiences... I've definitely found that the specific doctor makes a HUUUGE difference. I had an STD scare a couple years ago and set up an emergency appointment to get checked out. While I was there, the doctor started talking to me about some kind of clinical group he worked with where the patients were young women who'd gotten HIV from unsafe sex -- basically saying I needed to be more careful (gee, thanks, doc, I haven't spent the last week completely losing my mind over a yeast infection because I was thinking "man, once I get a clean bill of health I want to go have myself some unsafe sex!") Last time I ever went to a male doc. I know there are shitty female docs out there too, but he made me feel so uncomfortable and self-conscious and like I was a bad, horrible, slutty, dirty person for making one stupid decision.

After that I switched to a female doc closer to my apartment, and I ADORE her. She's always very reassuring, she smiles a lot, she answers all of my neurotic questions even when they're completely inane and obsessive, and she's very matter-of-fact about sex. And non-judgmental either way -- it's been, erm, a while now, so the last time I saw her she asked if I had any new sexual partners, and I made a sad face and said "no." She kind of laughed and said "no, that's GOOD. It means I don't need to test you for chlamydia!" Imagine, a doctor who trusts her patients and cares about their feelings and everything!

I went on the Pill when I was 17 for PCOS, before I had a boyfriend or my first kiss. I didn't go to the gynecologist until I was 23 and I had the same fears as tonia because I had never had sex, nor am I planning on having sex until marriage. (Personal choice, stay tuned for a post on being an abstinent feminist as soon as I can figure out how to make it work). I was afraid that after asking questions about my sexual non-history, the doctor would be like, "Why are you here?" Color me surprised when she answered, "Ok, I waited until marriage, so I'm proof that it's possible." She is very frank, which I like. She still highly recommended that I get the HPV vaccine, bringing up the oft-neglected point by anti-vaccine proponents that even if the girl waits to have sex, that doesn't guarantee the guy did.

My bad gyno experience was because I wanted to go OFF the pill. I was taking it for birth control, but every pill I tried just made me batshit crazy... terrible and frequent mood swings, crying constantly for NO REASON, etc. I can't handle hormones.

I went to my gyno asking the change my pill again, and she said that it wasn't the pill, it was me. That I was depressed and needed to go on Prozac. I ran out of there crying and stopped taking my pills that night. Within a week I was back to my old self.

This just goes to prove, that at times it seems like women just can't win when it comes to our health and our health choices.

I also began the pill largely to regulate my PCOS, although it now serves to do both that AND as birthcontrol. When I moved away to attend university, I was only in sexual relationships with women. I was having problems with the pill I was on, so I decided to speak to a doctor about switching. The doctors primary concern seemed to be not my PCOS symptoms, but understanding why I needed BC if I was sleeping only with women (the implication being that I was lying).

Luckily, I was able to find a new doctor who was on board with everything I was doing, and NOT judgemental about my queer identity, and she also always been supportive of everything that I wanted to do with my body.

I guess what I am trying to say is, it totally sucks to have doctors like theres, but if you have access to other healthcare professionals, keep looking and don`t despair, becuase there are AMAZING health care professionals out there. Keep your chin up, and keep fighting for whats right for YOU.

anjali k--I had major nausea and mood problems with most birth controls I tried. The nueva ring is really good, and totally hassle free, and because it's such direct contact with your body, it's got a low enough dosage that it probably wont give you migraines.

I've also had doctors tell me that it wasn't the birth control making me crazy, which is the most frustrating thing in the world. I really do believe there is a problem in the medical system when so many women are unheard, ridiculed, or silenced.

I made some sort of joke about being a virgin during this conversation - something along the lines of rolling my eyes at my own lack of sex. The nurse or PA (I don't remember which) that was asking all the questions took this as a cue to assure me that at my age, I was probably "ready" to have sex. I was like, no shit, that's why I'm rolling my eyes at myself. Because I'd like to be having sex and I'm not. Duh.

I also have a friend that started treating me differently when she found out I hadn't had sex. Whenever the topic comes up she talks to me like I'm an idiot. Having not actually had a penis in my body doesn't mean I'm completely clueless about all things romantic/erotic/sexual.

But wait - I'm not married, so wouldn't I be getting flack from people for having sex? Can we make up our minds please?