Hey there, I'm totally thrilled because my best friend recently asked me to marry him and we're looking at getting married next (2009) Labor Day weekend. We're looking at getting married in Buffalo (where we met) next year and we're not spending anywhere near $150/head, probably

The wedding industry loves to tout that $28,000 figure but honestly, I think it's BS to encourage people to spend that much because "that's the average" - similarly they tell brides to budget 10% of that for their day-of attire and there's no way I'm spending that much!

Plus I think it's pretty rare that a woman pays for it on her own as you suggest in your AAUW post - women may pay for it with their partners or with their families or both even but I don't know of any women who were paying for the whole blessed event without any help from anyone.

Anyway, it's fab if you don't want to get married. I'll just do my thing and you can do your thing and we can both blog about it respectfully :)

What I've learned about planning my wedding, and contrary to EVERYTHING I thought I knew about weddings up until this point, is that weddings are NOT the bride's day.

If it was my day, I'd be dragging my SO down to the courthouse for a JP ceremony, we'd go out for dinner, then buy a bottle of wine and settle in for the night.

However, my friends and family (and my SO's, too) want to share in the joy and celebration of the wedding. I would be "selfish" if I didn't include them. And because all of them have been so great to me over the years, I'm glad that this is something that I do get to share.

That being said, I think there is a lot of fat that needs trimming when it comes to wedding celebrations (and the money spent on "tradition"). I know I want to make my wedding something that people will enjoy (most of them are coming in from out of state, and it would suck if I made them pay for their own booze on top of plane tickets, hotel rooms, and car rentals). So some expense is going to happen, even in small weddings. My issue is that venues, catering, and other areas that do weddings jack up the price for the same things when they hear it's a wedding rather than, say, a birthday party or conference.

ElleStar, you're absolutely right. And I meant to make that point. As soon as you say wedding, the price increases. There's so much price gouging going on.

If I ever do get married, I'm going to do my best to make it look like a family bbq, in hopes of avoiding the upcharges.

Congratulations, Msunderestimated! I know there are plenty of sane people out there getting married within their means. I've even been to a few of those weddings and had a great time.

But even if the bride isn't paying for the wedding herself, that money is coming out of someone's pocket, and it's money that could have been spent on something that lasts longer than one day, any way you look at it. It's just easier to make the point when you conflate everyone's expenses, and I have a word limit at AAUW. It's also more impressive to see the numbers all conflated.

Thanks for reading!

ElleStar, you're totally right. The wedding is not the bride's day, but instead often turns out to be just another occasion to be pressured into all kinds of stuff that doesn't reflect your personality or preferences at all. Been there, done that, ain't gonna do it again. My partner and I have a number of friends who have recently married or are getting married this summer. We're often asked if/when we're tying the knot, to which the answer is never. In my experience, having a ceremony that’s dictated by some random antiquated traditions and the bridal-industrial complex doesn’t change your degree of dedication to the relationship at all, so why not spend the $$ on a down payment on a house? But maybe that’s just me…

I feel really lucky. My fiancee's family is Jewish (he's basically atheistic) and my family's Catholic but my family really likes him so when it comes to the ceremony and everything so far (cross your fingers!) they've been very accommodating and keep saying "whatever you two want" without adding "but ..." My uncle is a judge so I think I'll ask him to marry us and we're probably going to read from The Velveteen Rabbit. There's going to be some traditional stuff for sure but I'm trying to make sure that our wedding is about us and our families. Thank you for the kind wishes!

I'm going to get engaged fairly soon, so I've become interested in learning more about what the wedding would be like. I picked up a very ironically named magazine called "simple weddings" at the bookstore... and immediately became overwhelmed. Junior bridesmaids? Engraved invitations? FONDANT?! What are these things?! The average wedding costs $30,000?! WHAT.

I agree with the above posters, the wedding day is definitely NOT about the bride. I'm worried that our respective families' expectations will end up causing us to make decisions that will detract from the whole point of the day: celebrating our commitment to each other. All I want is a small party with some good food and drink with my family, close friends, and obviously, the groom. Screw the corporate wedding machine for trying to make me feel that my ideal, small wedding is inferior.

PS: msunderestimated, The Velveteen Rabbit!! That may be the best/most adorable idea for a reading at a wedding I've ever heard.