I just realized something: my nephew isn't the only person in my family who has more than one parent of the same gender. My parents got divorced when I was young and my father remarried immediately, and so for most of my life I've had a mom and a step-mom. That is: two moms. Later on my mom got remarried and I suddenly had two dads too.
For as long as there has been divorce children have had more than one parent of the same gender, but suddenly when gays want to adopt this is "bad" for children? Why is it okay for me to have two moms but not okay for my nephew? Why is it that my sister and her wife are hurting society but my remarrying parents are not? I don't get it.
Well, this isn't just cognitive dissonance keeping me from understanding why it's okay for me to have two moms but not my nephew. There is, in fact, nothing wrong with my nephew having two moms. He has a loving and supportive biological parent and a loving and supportive other parent whose ability to love him isn't bound by their lack of biological ties. Kind of the same way my step-parents love me. Certainly it's not the same for my nephew because there isn't the same kind of back-and-forth between parent and step-parent of the same gender, but just as I wasn't confused about the way society works by having multiple parents of the same gender, I really don't think my nephew's sociological well-being will be compromised by having two mommies.
In fact, I think that those of us with more than one parent of the same gender fare better in a pluralistic society than those who grew up in the "traditional" one-mom/one-dad hosuehold (that is not to say that those who did grow up with one mom and one dad are at a disadvantage). When you grow up with a non-traditional family (in my case, the majority of my relatives aren't related to me by blood; the joke goes we're the Stray family) you have a better idea of the fullness of diversity of what occurs in a pluralistic society. My nephew will grow up with two moms, two sets of grandparents, and many other relatives who love him greatly, and when he's an adult he'll be able to articulate (thanks to his mother's language skills) just how much he has benefitted from a so-called non-traditional upbringing. He'll have more compassion, be more well-rounded, and definitely not confused about what a family is supposed to be.
The way I've experienced family is that it's more about love and support than about blood. So, I love and support people who are not related to me by blood (as well as those who are) and my family grows because of it. For being an only child by my biological parents, I have a large family and it's very fulfilling. I learned this approach to family by having two moms. I think that my nephew will too.
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I wish your sister, her partner, and your nephew the best of luck, and hope that they don't run into too many hurdles. :)
I think having multiple adults in a child's life is always beneficial, barring the presence of someone dysfunctional or dangerous to the child. I, too, have a step-parent, and am close with grandparents and relatives, as well as family friends who are like parents to me as well. I was lucky to have so many caring, helpful, educational, and high-functioning adults around as I was growing up, and it really helped me develop an inclusive and holistic life view. Support networks are always good. I can't figure out why the specific people in them, specifically the sexes or genders of those people are SO important.
Even the APA, which is pretty historically iffy about gay people, agrees that same sex couples should be able to adopt, and that their families are not unlike any others, with no harm for children. They even submitted an amicus brief to the CA Supreme Court in support of same sex marriage as an institution that would make life better for children and families.
To some, anyone with a family different from their own, especially if it is very "traditional" will always be wrong.
It's interesting, I have always had two dads... my real dad and my stepdad, and through a weird turn of events my mom is no longer in my life. So now I just have my two dads, and I have to spend a lot of time explaining it to people.
Wouldn't it be awesome if everyone could just accept that the "normal" family isn't normal at all anymore?
I think your nephew is going to be just fine, as long as he's got plenty of people who love him.
I have to say I never really thought about it that way before and I really like your approach.
Great post!
For years I used to explain to people that I had three "mom"s that I had to remember on Mother's Day - my birth mother, my stepmother and my mother-in-law. Sadly, my very kind and always 100% supportive mother-in-law passed away some years ago. So now I have "only" two moms.
Excellent point! It shows the Right is simply against homosexual marriage due to their bigotry (not that it wasnt obvious anyways). While I cant vouch for the benefits of having many parents and extended family (I fought with my step-parents, and continue to despise them to this day) I am in full support of homosexual parentage. Personally I wish I had two lesbian moms! Oh, well 23 years too late!
there is big difference between having step parents and having a set of parents who are the same gender. where your confusion on that comes from im not sure.
when a parent remarries, the child still sees heterosexual relationships. just two different ones. if there is a mom and a mom raising a kid together... and theyre in love... then thats is displaying a homosexual relationship and warping the childs brain to believe automatically thats its ok.
there is also a difference if say the bio mother passes away, leaving behind her husband (the stepdad) and then the fathers wife (stepmom) does as well... leaving two fathers. that is not the same as a homosexual couple raising a kid. they are two separate hetero men, and the child has seen them in their loving heterosexual relationships.
honestly, this was the most ridiculous thing i have ever seen, as it hardly made sense at all. i mean how could you possibly compare step parenting in a hetero relationship to a child having two parents of the same gender? thats what doesnt make sense to me.