I realize that people all over the world get judged every second and that this is a serious flaw, maybe an irreversible flaw, of humanity. However, when talking to my gynecologist, or any doctor for that matter, I do not expect to be judged in any sense or scolded as though my gynecologist were my mother and I were a 10-year-old.
I called my gynecologist's emergency line today to ask if she thought I should take Plan B. I hadn't had unprotected sex, but rather other acts lead to semen being ejaculated onto my stomach and thighs, and in my opinion it was dangerously close to my vaginal area. I was also in the very beginning of my cycle, but still wanted to talk with a medical professional to see if any sort of action should be taken.
I called her and explained the situation and asked if I should take Plan B or not. Instead of informing me of the biological aspect of things and leaving it at that, she launched into, "I thought you were going to use condoms. We talked about this. Why would you have sex without condoms?" I explained that I did not have sex, but probably should have had him use a condom and was very aware of this. Also, I told her it would not be happening like that again in the future. I only wanted to know if I should take emergency contraception for this time. She continued to tell me I need to call the office tomorrow and make an appointment to put me on birth control pills.
I understand her concern, but what I do not understand is the tone she used and her implication that I am not responsible enough to ensure that this does not happen again. I feel like the gynecologist should act as a neutral and supportive person and not as someone who is lecturing you on your future actions that may never come to pass.
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Yeh, I'd change doctors.
It seems as though she allowed her personal feelings get in the way of her job -- and, while I understand that at times it can be difficult to separate -- when you're in a field like gynecology, it is probably best to keep your opinions quiet and instead, help the patient. I can see why she would be concerned, but that doesn't make it okay for her to talk down to you.
Recently, my gynecologist had a similar reaction. I have vulvodynia, and I read that there have been links between having that and going on The Pill too early (ie: before 18). So, I asked her if we could take me off the pill and see what happens. She agreed, but stressed numerous times that I "absolutely must use condoms" when I have sex from now on. She talked to me like I was an idiot, but I could even let that go, assuming she was probably concerned about me -- and also probably didn't want it to come back and bite her in the ass (so I couldn't come back and say, "I'M PREGNANT AND IT IS ALL YOUR FAULT!" or something). What really got me, though, was that for my last three visits (over the past eight months or so) I told her every single time that I wasn't even having sex with my boyfriend because it was too painful. But she didn't seem to believe me/take me seriously. I think it has more to do with being young(ish) and having people assume that, because you're young, you're automatically irresponsible/don't know anything about sex and getting pregnant and the like -- which is absolutely untrue.
I think she was just voicing her concern over the fact it appeared that you were not following her previously given advice (to use condoms). I think we do have to keep in mind that it's her job to dispense advice about your sexual health and if you're not following that advice, to reiterate its importance. It's not much different than a doctor reminding a diabetic how important it is to test their blood daily.
I think the fact that you added that he should have used a condom and you were very aware of that sort of leads to the conclusion that you DID act irresponsibly, and that is what she was reacting to.
I don't think you need to find a new doctor, but if you're really concerned about her reaction, talk to her about it, and then make a decision about if you want to continue seeing her or not.
My gyno (through my university's hospital system) had a weird reaction when I got an HIV test. I had to get the test and then come back for a separate appointment to get my results. I was negative, but the gyno that gave me the results had pulled my file and looked at me sexual history survey thing and started telling me that if i would stop having sex with "so many people" and "exclude bisexual and same-sex partners" I "wouldn't need to be tested".
Shouldn't my gyno be happy that I'm responsible enough to be routinely tested for STI's including HIV and AIDS? instead, she used my file to try and shame me into changing my sex life and not getting tested. talking about risk factors is one thing, but suggesting that straight people don't have to worry about AIDS and HIV testing is irresponsible, in my opinion.
I had a pharmacist do the same thing to me when I asked for Plan B a couple of months ago. It was all "Why weren't you using a condom?" (because although I would normally use a condom, I'm also on the pill, and had a lapse of judgement)and "Then why are you here?" (because I missed a pill, and hadn't realized it until a couple of days later.) She seemed so suspicious and I couldn't understand why. She acted like I was wasting her time as well. For me, the security of Plan B is that even when the chances that you could be pregnant are pretty slim, as yours probably were, you get the comfort of knowing that you're still doing whatever you can to prevent pregnancy. It saves you weeks of waiting for your period or going through the nere racking process of taking a pregnancy test.