Anyone who has ever taken a women's studies class has probably read Peggy McIntosh's article on white privilege. For anyone who hasn't read the article, she describes male privilege, and then compares this to white privilege by listing all kinds of privileges white people have that often go unacknowledged, such as being able to speak without being trapped into having your opinion represent everyone of your race or being able to find people who look like you represented in the media. If anyone hasn't read this article, I really recommend finding a copy because it forces some people to acknowledge privilege that is usually ignored and to think critically about things that have happened in their lives.
I've really been really thinking about all the privileges I have and how I would absolutely not be where I am today without those privileges. However, just recognizing that is simply not enough. With this knowledge, I am that much more responsible when I allow myself the benefits these privileges bring.
One privilege I've recently begun to really think about is 'one of the guys' privilege.
Although it shouldn't be, trying to be a feminist is hard! I am so sick of people bringing up that study that traditional wives are happier in their marriages. Well yeah, because they probably married traditional men and they're unhappy with trying to have a non-traditional marriage. Traditional wives are happier because it is easier to go along with the status quo than to put in the work in trying to have an equal marriage. When people cite that study, I like to bring up the one I read about on this site that feminists have happier relationships.
When I think of 'one of the guys' privilege, I think of all the instances in my life where it would be easier to 'fit in' than speak up for myself and other women. When hanging out with certain guys, it's easier to sit and listen to misogynistic rap lyrics, ignore sexist comments, pretend I don't see the objectified and fetishised images of women that surround their living space. By not saying anything or going as far to join in on their behavior, it's easier for me to be seen as 'cool' and not some crazy feminist stick-in-the-mud trying to ruin all the fun. By promising to bring 'hot girls' around,--something I used to do when guys asked--I was making my friends into sexual objects only good for their looks. By giggling off unwanted touches, comments, flirtation, we are not giving clearcut messages about what we want and furthering the stereotype that girls are 'teases' who 'say no but mean yes,' therefore contributing to our rape culture. By calling other women sluts in the presence of men, we are okaying sexual double standards. By saying we get along better with guys, we are sending the message that girls are catty.
Ladies, think about it. How often do you use this privilege? I know I use it way too often. Let's be honest: we want people to like us. To the men, how often do you promote sexism in front of your female friends and expect us to be okay with it?
The thing about this 'one of the guys' privilege is that the woman in this case is not 'one of the guys' at all. Think of Little Kim. She tried so hard to be the 'baddest bitch' but in the end, her fellow rappers reminded her that she was just a woman. It makes us the secondary sex: promoting male privilege without receiving any benefits but sexist acceptance. The thing about female oppression is that it is "dangerous and dangerously fashionable and endangered." Is disrespect really worth being 'laid-back' and 'cool?'
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Good post, especially the part about hot friends and preferring to be with guys... Guilty, but reformed!!
I know just what you mean, but I'm not so sure it's a "privilege," especially when (as you seem to imply) you behave this way to fit in although it goes counter to your own feminism. Or else I've read this post wrong and you're describing something you *used to* do. Putting up with sexism without having examined the institution of sexism could possibly be described as a privilege, because the person putting up with it hasn't had to examine the implications for all women everywhere. But putting up with sexism even though you self-describe as a feminist and are seething inside is not a privilege, the way I see it. It's a coping mechanism.
I think there's a comparable situation with race (not to say that gender and race are always analogous to one another), where an anti-racist person and/or person of color sits quietly when a group of white people engages in what Tim Wise calls "white racial bonding," that we're-all-good-buddies-and-I'm-testing that-by-saying-something-racist-behavior some of you may have noticed. An anti-racist person listening to a racist joke that everyone else is laughing at may WANT to condemn the joke, but there may be too much social pressure not to, especially if the power dynamics of the group are such that to speak out is seen as severely impolite. And it doesn't have to be a joke: white people have hundreds of coded ways of speaking about race, like talking about whether a neighborhood is "safe," for instance. In these cases, it can be nearly impossible, even if you wanted to, to point out every instance of overt or coded racism, not to mention that you wouldn't have any friends left afterward. My point is that to be silent on these occasions is another example of coping behavior, behavior that is not necessarily advancing our cause, but something we do to fit in.
Then I guess we all have to ask ourselves what we're doing hanging out with those people anyway.
I do totally see your point--it can feel good to feel like you're the one who escaped sexism for a minute even if it means having to perpetrate it yourself. To some degree, I think my point is kind of irrelevant, because there is a difference between being silent in the face of sexism, and actively perpetuating it by bringing "hot" friends." And I'm glad you pointed out that behavior so everyone can see it for what it is. The fact that I don't think it's necessarily "privilege" is probably a moot point.
I had a conversation with my mother recently about white privilege. She said she doesn't get what all the "hooplah" about the N-word is, and why it's a crime if white people say it, but black people use it all the time. I fought with her for about 25 minutes to explain to her that she needs to check her privilege on the issue. I told her that we don't get the magnitude of the N-word because we've never experienced skin-color-based racism and probably never will because we're both mostly white-looking (in a mostly-white area of the country), and that it's furthering the divide between white people and black people (couching it in terms of feminists) when she says something so dismissive about not understanding the "hooplah" about it.
Eventually, I think I got through to her and got her to check her ego and privilege, but it was really difficult.
You should check out the book Female Chauvinist Pigs: Women and the Rise of Raunch Culture by Ariel Levy. It's along the lines of what you're talking about.
Thank you, Noah. It has been showing up on my Amazon recommendations for a while. I better check it out.
And thank you, Caucasia. Not quite a privilege really at all. Other than the positive reinforcement we receive for accepting a sexist culture, rather than resisting it.
Kudos for checking your own privilege. Too many of us are quick to point out others' privilege while ignoring our own.
But I've got to argue with Caucasia. Passing is a privilege, because not everyone can do it. And biting your tongue when someone makes a racist/sexist comment in your presence is passing, albeit of a fairly mild variety.
Passing may sometimes be a privilege, but I would argue that that's not always the case. This is especially so in a situation where the power balance is unequal. Sometimes people have to pass to self-preserve.
"Sometimes people have to pass to self-preserve."
I agree, particularly when it comes to being a person of color or a foreigner. Otherwise in the words of one South African poster on Feministe unable to hold their tongue in a thread with very ignorant and hurtful comments about African culture in general, they'd be fighting "ALL.THE.TIME" trying to educate the people around them.
Regarding white privilege - this from the Feministe site:
http://www.feministe.us/blog/archives/2008/07/30/blacks-latinos-and-the-precariousness-of-middle-class/#comments
Basically, "three-out-of-four Black and four-out-of-five Latino middle-class families are economically insecure and at high risk of slipping out of the middle class."
And the ignorant have the gall to consider the underprivileged lazy (similar to the way sexists will say women are lazy not to have or achieve what men have). Some even here will openly say that people such as this should not reproduce if they think of the welfare of the kids, or the "burden" they put on the government and taxpayers. Thank you for dismissing the vast majority of blacks and Latinos.
I'm not saying that passing isn't a form of self-protection, or that it's never necessary. I'm just pointing out that not everyone has the option of passing, which makes having that option a privilege.
To use an extreme example, a Jew in Nazi Germany with Aryan-looking features would have had the option of passing as German in order to survive or escape.