We had a simple civil ceremony with just the two of us, so we managed to avoid most of the problems. However, a year later, I am STILL getting mail from his family addressed to Mr. and Mrs. hisfirstname hislastname. I so did not change my name, and they so know it. Plus, they knew me under my own name for over 8 years before I married him, so there's really no excuse.

Oh yes, the name change was an issue. More for my parents than my husbands'. (Yes, I have been married twice, so that is not a typo).

The worst pressure has come with parenting: pressure to name the children traditionally, without any presence of my last name, baptizing, circumcision.

I haven't been married yet, or even gotten engaged, and yet I'm already getting shit from my parents about my future wedding. (To be fair, I'll probably be engaged in about a year to my boyfriend of six years)

Last night I brought up the idea of having my brother as my "bridesman", because why not? He's much closer to me than my boyfriend, why should he get relegated to groomsmen status just because he's a guy? He can even wear a tie matching the other bridesmaid dresses!

My mother FLIPPED OUT. "What, are you going to make him wear a DRESS? How about high heels while you're at it!" Normally she's a very thoughtful and agreeable woman, but for some reason messing with wedding traditions really gets to her.

It's probably not going to help when I tell her I plan on not wearing a white dress, taking his last name, OR letting a preacher marry us. Oy.

This is one of the times I'm happy to be Iranian-American. Keeping one's name at marriage is traditional in Iran. :)

jessicar commented at July 19, 2008 6:34 PM: "However, a year later, I am STILL getting mail from his family addressed to Mr. and Mrs. hisfirstname hislastname. I so did not change my name, and they so know it."

Maybe, if you ever get anything addressed to just Mrs. hisfirstname hislastname, you could just have it returned to sender because the lady with that name doesn't live at your place?

kam commented at July 20, 2008 3:41 AM: "Last night I brought up the idea of having my brother as my 'bridesman', because why not? He's much closer to me than my boyfriend, why should he get relegated to groomsmen status just because he's a guy? He can even wear a tie matching the other bridesmaid dresses!

"My mother FLIPPED OUT. 'What, are you going to make him wear a DRESS? How about high heels while you're at it!'"

What if you and he told her that he's not going to wear a dress because he'll be a "bridesman" (or "Man of Honor" if someone else won't be "Maid of Honor"/"Matron of Honor"/etc.) instead of "bridesmaid"?