I'm 5'6" and weigh 180lbs. My best friend is 5'7" and weighs 115lbs at best. While she's been trying as hard as she can to gain weight, I've been trying as hard as I can to lose it, and we've even joked about me giving her about 10lbs of what I have. She just wants her pants to fit -- I on the other hand want my physical presentation of my body to fit the actual physical fitness I have (recent bloodwork has revealed that I have a low thyroid function and none of the health issues of what doctors would call an overweight person... aside from my weight).

When you look at it, my best friend and I are in the same boat, body image-wise. We want clothes that fit, but since we're on either end of the "average body type" spectrum, neither of us can find clothes that fit properly without some serious tailoring (I fortunately have a sewing machine and can get clothes that are too big in the waist, but big enough in the chest and scale them down to my actual size). The other thing that I have is Lane Bryant, where I can get jeans, bras, and sexy lingerie that fit me because they are made for women of my... shapeliness. My best friend on the other hand... well, it's a little more difficult for her.

I have a lot of sympathy for anyone who feels alienated by the "average body type" BS that is pushed on us on a daily basis. And it's not just the full-figured gals like me who suffer, and my best friend's problems with her own weight has helped me realize this. We accept ourselves and each other, but I think we both want the same thing: clothes that fit.

I think it's more of who's gotten the most flak over time. So while, as Rachel_Setzer said, all women who lie even a teeny bit outside of The Perfect Body might feel marginalized (as you have all the right to feel), the people who get a bad rap are most of the time the heavy, curvier women.

I do agree, the more dialogue the better.

Bethora, if this post somehow came across as saying the opposite of what you're saying, it wasn't meant to. Of course curvier women have gotten more flak over time. I said that calling out "heavier" women is definitely more dangerous. But, there are also skinnier women that don't fit the ideal, and I from my own experience no one really discusses that, and that's what this was supposed to be about, not saying that skinny woman are more or equally marginalized.

I'm 5'2" and I weigh ninety five pounds. I can definitely relate to what you're saying, though the comments like "Real Women Have Curves" have never bothered me much for some reason. I guess I take it to be a slightly over-zealous reaction to cultural biases against larger women, and as such, more helpful than harmful.

I don't feel discriminated against on a daily basis, though I do have to worry about people assuming I am young/naive/undeserving of respect, and I have a hard time finding clothes. But for me, the fat-acceptance/size-acceptance movements have been really helpful because, though not perhaps targeted directly towards me, they helped me realize that no one gets to decide my body's value, and also made me aware of smaller, subtler discriminations of all kinds that take place all the time.

I don't have much in the breast department either, but I too love my body - love many different female bodies - and love it when other women love their bodies. So thanks for this post.

Thanks for your post! I am a person who grew up as someone who was considered overweight, by her peers and by Health Canada statistics. In first year university I was my current 5'8" and I weighed around 185 pounds. I don't know my actual weight because I rarely, even today, stand on a scale. I do it for the doctor, and in the last 3 years I have no idea how much I weigh. My personal feeling is that I feel good and I like the way I look so the number is not important. However, I say that as a person who wears a size small or medium and a size 28 (aka 4) in jeans, I would estimate that I weight around 125 pounds currently. I would have hated my current self about 5 years ago, when I was squeezing into a size 36 (aka 14-16). Something I have since dealt with by learning to truly love myself for who I am in any given moment.

I have a unique perspective because I have been literally on both sides. I have been made fun of for being "too fat" and for "looking anorexic". While both hurt deeply and caused me to re-evaluated my own definition of self-acceptance and beauty, being told you are too thin does NOT have the same impact as being told you are too big. This is a result of the societal values that are placed on each and on women in general.

It is important to reflect upon the sexism that creates this standard for women exclusively while big (and sometimes pretty dumb) men get the hot chick on every other 30 minute sitcom. Womyn are expected to be small, to take up minimal space, and basically to act like a child. It relates to our "need to be protected" and our "inability to speak for ourselves". It goes along the lines of women bosses being "bitchy" while her male counterpart is just "successful and effective".

Womyn of all shapes and sizes need to come together and support each individual's unique beauty. When we stand together we make it unacceptable for other people to cut us down (think about the words; bitch, slut, cunt, etc.).

(Disclaimer: I actually run a modeling agency that represents womyn of all shapes, sizes. I also make a serious effort to have at least 50% of the roster represented by womyn of colour, something you are not likely to see from Ford or Elite. We have no plus size section, but we do have models who would likely be classified as such elsewhere.)

Thank you! I am considered overweight and it irks me to no end when people utter the phrase "real women have curves" or something of the sort. When we say things like that we aren't winning anyone over! Everyone's body is beautiful in its own way and people are attracted to all sorts of varieties of bodies. :)

I'm 5'6", 115 pounds, tiny little frame.

I've weighed about 25 pounds more than I do now (which does look overweight on someone whose bones are as small as mine), and about 10 pounds less. At my heaviest I only ever heard criticism coming from women my mother's age or older, at my lightest I heard criticism from everyone, and now I still hear criticism but at least it's not happening several times a day.

I'm definitely big on the size acceptance movement and it's shown me that my experience of getting less criticism at a larger size isn't the norm, but I do think that people need to understand that isn't appropriate to criticize anyone's body, regardless of how "socially acceptable" their size may be.

It seems like just having a woman's body isn't "socially acceptable" sometimes, doesn't it?

Thank you for this post.

While I also understand that bigger women have gotten flak much more often, I see this post to be a "the grass isn't always greener on the other side." It's so ironic that while it seems society wants women to be stick-thin, it is very easy for people to look at someone naturally smaller and say things like "you should eat something!" or "You look like you're anorexic!" Seriously? I am 5'6" and have weighed around 110-115 since 8th grade. (I am now a sophomore in college.) I eat more than most people I know, and getting comments like these drive me crazy. Society doesn't accept a woman's body unless it is precisely one way. Slender but don't have big boobs? UGLY. Big boobs but thicker everywhere else? ALSO UGLY. Seriously, whether bigger or smaller than what society wants, you're never good enough. It's ridiculous.

It's discussions like these, that are open and honest, that make me love this site more and more everyday.

I am 5'2" and I PROUDLY weigh 126 pounds! The reason I say that is because I struggle with an eating disorder for 6 years! At my worst in my eating disorder I weighed 100 pounds. I would bounce in and out of anywhere between 100-112 for six years. I did a lot of healing work and faced a lot of dark issues that kept me from not loving myself. As I TRULY began to love myself more I could eat and very well. Now I am a PROUD member of the Clean Plate Club, LLC! LOL! I have a booty and small boobs. I don't wear a bra because it is restrictive so I don't know my size. I could be a 34A, but whatever.

Skinny women are marginalized. I have been offended twice in the past year of my life by women who were larger than me. They judged me and didn't know my struggle with healing from my eating disorder and being healthy. I was trying on stores at a locally owned shoe store and I said something about my size. Then the lady said, "is it because you actually eat now." She said this at a phase in my life where I was in the between time from coming out of my eating disorder to being completely healed. I was so offended that I just had to walk out of the store and I have not gone back since. It was offensive because I was learning to eat more and love myself! Recently a women looked at me and said, "when I was that size." But the energy around it was very very rude and degrading. I am this size now because of self love. This was at a meditation group that I was trying and that was the sign not to go back.

Now, I feel I just own who I am in a health, positive and loving way. I feel very healthy these days and I glad.

I love my breasts, booty, legs, thighs, arms, stomach, calves, feet and the rest of my BODY! Yeah for achieving self love!

I completely understand. I'm 5'1" and about 100 pounds at most. In high school I actually had a boy tell me he'd have boobs before I did, and someone told me I looked like a holocaust survivor because I was skinny. It hurts just as much--I never tried for this weight!

aintiawoman posted on July 25, 2008: "I'm still bombarded with images in Victoria Secret ads, our society's obsession with the Pamela Andersons, and widely available breast augmentation surgeries."

...and we're even more bombarded by the sight of actual women who happen to fit local "beauty standards" more than we do!

For one example: when I was a kid bullied for being "too hairy," I noticed other girls in my school being way less hairy even more than I noticed models in magazines being way less hairy. It was easier to put down the magazines than to stop going to class. Later I realized that the sight of even me could have had the same effect on a couple of other girls who happened to meet "beauty standards" even less than I did. Maybe it could apply for any body image issue, whether it's about weight or hair or skin or muscle mass or number of limbs or whatever?

Rachel_Setzer commented on July 25, 2008 2:23 PM: "I'm 5'6" and weigh 180lbs. My best friend is 5'7" and weighs 115lbs at best. While she's been trying as hard as she can to gain weight, I've been trying as hard as I can to lose it, and we've even joked about me giving her about 10lbs of what I have."

Personally, I can relate to both of you at the same time!

I'm 5'6" tall, weigh around 170 lbs, and fit a 34AA bra. I also have 41" hips and a 28" waist, so it's hard to find trousers that neither squish my thighs nor sag a lot between my belt loops. Meanwhile, when I burn fat it tends to come off my chest first and when I gain fat it tends to go on my legs first (if only there was a healthy way for me to relocate 10 lbs within my body!). Even after I've explained all that to them whenever the subject comes up, my family still nags me to lose weight and stop wanting to have breasts.

I don't have much time to put up a long comment, but I will just say this for now. A lot of the seemingly anti-skinny-woman stuff comes about because being fat has been so consistently mistreated. I'm not saying it's right, of course. I consider myself size positive, not just fat positive; I know that everyone's body does something different and I think that we should embrace the beauty and uniqueness of each one. I think people should take care of themselves (by that I mean get regular exercise and eat a balanced diet without deprivation) and let their body do what comes naturally to it. You're naturally tiny, I'm naturally, um, not tiny.

I know the "skinny bitch" stuff is hurtful, I personally try not to use it, but I think it's rooted in how fat has been mistreated. It's assumed that I'm lazy, or I overeat, or that in some way I've done something to be my size. I mean, yeah, I have. I started running and paying attention to what I eat, so now instead of a size 24 I wear a 16. But the fact that I wear a 16 over a 4 isn't the result of some personality flaw, it's just what my body does. Looks-wise I take after my dad's side of the family, where all the women (except one cousin, who's an anomaly of some sort) are robustly-figured. It's not right, but when a group is marginalized sometimes the knee-jerk reaction is to bite back at the group you perceive as doing the marginalizing. And because the shape that gets all the representation in the mainstream is the skinny skinny woman, that's the most obvious target.

I have huge boobs and it's no picnic. Try finding a size 34G bra anywhere besides incredibly expensive specialty stores and websites - my back's too small to wear plus size bras and my knockers are too big to wear "regular" sizes). I went into a Victoria's Secret once because I had a coupon for a free pair of panties, and every employee gave me the same "what are you doing in here" look. I read this article about a young woman who went in there and asked for a 32DDD and not only got laughed at by the person she asked, but that employee called over another and said "you're not going to believe this" and they had a laugh together at this woman's expense until she slunk out of the store with her self-esteem completely ravaged.

Look on the bright side, when most stores have sales it's usually the tiny sizes that are left, so you can probably get your clothes a hell of a lot cheaper than most people.

profoundsarcasm commented at July 26, 2008 7:54 AM: "I have huge boobs and it's no picnic. Try finding a size 34G bra anywhere besides incredibly expensive specialty stores and websites - my back's too small to wear plus size bras and my knockers are too big to wear "regular" sizes)."

I just realized something. Most of my bras have only 3, um, girth settings (3 different sets of loops for the hooks in the straps holding the bra around my torso). What if bras normally had way more? Would that mean you and another woman who IRL wears a 38G bra could wear the same size? Would that mean I and another woman who IRL wears a 30AA bra could wear the same size too? Could be cool...

Mina, good idea, but I think the reason that bras don't have more hook and eye closures is that if you hooked the medium or small closures, you'd have a few inches of bra band left over and hanging and it wouldn't look good under clothes.

But how about a velcro bra with closures all along the band? That might work.

have.at.it commented at July 26, 2008 12:06 PM: "Mina, good idea"

Thanks! :)

have.at.it commented at July 26, 2008 12:06 PM: "but I think the reason that bras don't have more hook and eye closures is that if you hooked the medium or small closures, you'd have a few inches of bra band left over and hanging and it wouldn't look good under clothes.

"But how about a velcro bra with closures all along the band? That might work."

Would this mean a whole bunch of hook and eye closures as well as velcro to to stop the few inches of bra band left over from hanging down? Now I'm thinking someone could tuck the extra inches of band with eyes tucked under the band with the hooks and have the velcro keep it in place, while the hooks and the eyes she is using keep the bra around her. Did I get what you meant?

Also, if you patent this I promise to not sue or anything!

All women have different sized curves. I for one am 5'7" and weigh 214 lbs. One of my best friends is 5' and weighs about 100 lbs. She's tiny naturally and I'm larger naturally (not this large naturally b/c i have put on weight recently, but i'd look dumb being 100 lbs). What's funny about us though is we both have the same problem shopping for clothes. We both have large hips for our size and are verging on the end of our sizes. I'm a L-XL and she's a S-XS and no place seems to carry stuff to fit us properly.
So, moral of the story, if every woman has different sized curves and different sizes in general, why doesn't someone tell that to clothes manufacturers?
(i know its a little off topic but it had to be said.)

Amen to that.

At first I was concerned that you were actually concerned you couldn't shop at Victorias Secret. Anyways, I'm glad you are comfortable with yourself.

I think you bring up an important point. Accepting your body no matter what. Its not just about big or small. There are tons of things to be insecure about, but (I learned) you just have to let it go. I think alot of the "real women with curves" who are learning to accept themselves don't realize that ALL women are subject to scrutiny, even the skinny ones.

I am so happy to read this post and these comments. As a a petit woman (5'3", usually 110lbs) who suffered with and recovered from anorexia and bulimia in my twenties, I have often been upset by the comments of many of my women friends about my weight. I have been repeatedly insulted to my face by women who did not (at least most of the time, I believe) even realize that what they said hurt me. I am not to blame for being thin. I do not fault other women for the natural shape and size of their bodies. I do not accept the media generated standard of beauty, in which only people who look like animated figures are esteemed.

Other women's animosity (that is really what it is) toward me (and women like me) because of my size is troubling to me because it is a clear indication that they are accepting and priveledging a certain body type (the superiority of thin) over another, even as they claim, as feminists, to be rejecting the misogynistic presumption that one body type is superior to another.

I know how hard it is to learn to love and respect your own body in the face of so much media abuse directed at the female form. I believe that if more women would put the time and effort into overcoming the self-hatred and inadequacy with which our society programs us, more women would be able to look at each other with love and respect, not envy or disdain. One method I have used to help me learn to love and honor my body, along with my mind and spirit, is to spend a lot of time by myself without consuming media images (i.e. no TV, magazines, etc). I recommend this to everyone. In our media driven society, it is one of the most precious gifts you can give yourself, and one of the hardest things for many people to do.

I am so happy to read this post and these comments. As a a petit woman (5'3", usually 110lbs) who suffered with and recovered from anorexia and bulimia in my twenties, I have often been upset by the comments of many of my women friends about my weight. I have been repeatedly insulted to my face by women who did not (at least most of the time, I believe) even realize that what they said hurt me. I am not to blame for being thin. I do not fault other women for the natural shape and size of their bodies. I do not accept the media generated standard of beauty, in which only people who look like animated figures are esteemed.

Other women's animosity (that is really what it is) toward me (and women like me) because of my size is troubling to me because it is a clear indication that they are accepting and priveledging a certain body type (the superiority of thin) over another, even as they claim, as feminists, to be rejecting the misogynistic presumption that one body type is superior to another.

I know how hard it is to learn to love and respect your own body in the face of so much media abuse directed at the female form. I believe that if more women would put the time and effort into overcoming the self-hatred and inadequacy with which our society programs us, more women would be able to look at each other with love and respect, not envy or disdain. One method I have used to help me learn to love and honor my body, along with my mind and spirit, is to spend a lot of time by myself without consuming media images (i.e. no TV, magazines, etc). I recommend this to everyone. In our media driven society, it is one of the most precious gifts you can give yourself, and one of the hardest things for many people to do.

Thanks for this post!

I am 5'4 and weigh 140. When I was in peak physical condition in highschool (track workouts for 4 hours a day, not to mention soccer practice twice a week!) I weighed 115. Of course now that I'm in college, it really isn't feasible for me to spend 4-6 hours a day exercising. Not to mention the unhealthy food and sleep patterns I fall into when I'm working through the night on the computer!

I'm actually pretty comfortable with my current weight, although I do have some new stretch marks and cellulite to get used to. My boobs have gotten large for me, I now wear a 36C. They might be D, actually, I haven't gone bra shopping in a while and my current bras are pretty tight.

Anyway, I agree the focus should be on health, not looks. My sister, who weighs at least 30 lbs less than me, lives off junkfood and NEVER exercises. She just doesn't gain weight. Looking heavy doesn't mean a damn thing about your health!

I'm 5'0 and 113 pounds with a small frame. All my life I have been skinny, even though I am heavier now than I was when I was in high school. I now wear size 34DD bra too, which makes life difficult to find sizes some times. I struggle with loving my body a lot more than I used to when I was smaller/smaller chest. I admire how much you love your body, I am trying to be happy with mind too. :)

THANK YOU!

I'm 5'4" and 105lbs, give or take a few pounds depending on the time of day. I've always been like this. I'm a 34A. Walking into Victoria's Secret is like rehashing old knowledge. My bewbies simply do not look smashing in Ms. Vicky's bras. Their underwear is cuter anyway...

But some people see my lack of weight as a chance to insult me. I've been told I have the frame of a 10 year old boy. People have insulted my lack of boobage. They ask me if I've eaten recently and offer to buy me lunch (Reply: "Okay! Buffet, please?"). Eye me warily when I order a salad, or go running. (I'd like to drive home that just because I'm skinny doesn't mean I have an eating disorder.) They've sneered at me when I've made complaints about being unable to gain weight. I have been called the 'skinny bitch'.

My body is my concern, curves or not.

Oh my God, I love this post. I have been dealing with this shit all week...in fact, pretty much my whole life. I'm 5'8, 110 pounds. My best friend in high school, who was my same height, about 30 pounds heavier (and still looked thin, at least to me) always used to tell me that I was the wrong weight. I'd tell her that for me, gaining weight was very difficult, and she responded by saying that I "just needed to eat more." She'd go on and on and on about how she was "real" because she "had hips." Um...I have hips, too. If you look at my body, they stick straight out. I just don't have as much flesh on my hips.
My doctor? No help there either. Not only did he blatantly lie to me about my height, by an inch and a half (he's a short man and I think he was threatened by how tall I actually am), he constantly throws crap at me about how I need to drink protein shakes or whatever to "gain ten pounds." I'm not averse to the idea of gaining ten pounds. If it happens, it happens. But if I feel healthy at my current weight, why bother? (Same thing I'd say to a person who was being told by her doctor to lose weight if she felt healthy, by the way.)
My dad's thrown out the "holocaust victim" thing, which yes, I find fucking offensive. (He should know better.) My mom sides with my doctor, "just eat more." I eat when I'm hungry. I stop when I'm full. Easy as that. I'm not skipping meals or starving myself. Works for me.
And really, I've been basically this same weight since I was fourteen. I'm twenty now. If this wasn't the body my adult self was meant to have, it would've grown in six years of normal eating habits. Y'know?
And I really, really hate the diagnoses from total strangers. Fuck off, you know?

Wow, the "you could be a 10 with implants" thing! What a fuck-you-very-much comment! I am 5'9" and when I weighed somewhere between 145-150, I had a guy say to me, "If you worked out you could really be a knockout." I was NAKED at the time!!!!

FWIW I am 20 years older now and weigh 197. Heh. I tend to go up and down, depending on my lifestyle (a bit inactive of late).

I like the trend I'm seeing on blogs on not attacking ANYONE over their size. It's all utter bullshit. I am working hard to not hate myself at the size I am -- perhaps I'll get to loving myself at this size, too!

By the way, the "you need implants" thing was something of a running joke on the second season of Veronica Mars, where the very pretty, very petite Veronica was told by several asshole males that her breasts were too small and that she needed bigger ones.

Actually, I totally relate to this -- I'm 5'6" and 120 lbs, and two of my friends recently asked my boyfriend if I was eating enough. This was not really annoying, since I knew they were looking out for me, but when people keep asking me why I'm so thin, I start feeling like I need a better answer than "I have good genes?". However, this is definitely an American problem -- where overweight people defend themselves as a healthy weight. This characterization may or may not be true -- anything within a range is considered healthy, but this has led to a lot of people saying that the thinner of us are automatically unhealthy or "anorexic". In Barcelona, where I visited recently, literally everyone was approximately my height and often taller and beautifully dressed. Can we please learn?

I relate to this, as I am 5'4" and 99-105 pounds, depending on when. Everyone always says "Do you eat?" and "Do you even wear a bra?". When I was 8, I used to try to eat more and drink Ensure just to get bigger. I also had tiny feet, so I would never leave my shoes anywhere. I just don't get what America wants. Overweight people are 'gross' and underweight people are 'sick'. I hate that I would have to have boobs the size of watermelons and a huge butt just to be considered 'healthy'.

Thank you so much for posting this...

I understand that overweight people have it very hard in current society, but I am simply offended when I hear people proclaiming that "REAL" women have curves. So I'm not real, then? I'm not a woman?

I have always been tiny, my entire life, and not by my own choice. I wish that I COULD have curves! I have been teased frequently for my lack of hips, lack of boobs, made to feel terrible that I don't have huge breasts.

I'm as real as any other woman is. Everyone's body types are DIFFERENT, and no one is any better than anyone else for the genes they are born with.