While reading The New York Times last weekend, I came across an op-ed about my newest obsession, the Twilight Saga by Stephenie Meyer. (I'd highly recommend it to anyone who's up for a good old vampire romance.) In the article, it mentioned Full Frontal Feminism and I was curious about the book so I looked it up on amazon and read the first chapter, and then went out and bought it because it sounded pretty freakin' amazing.
I never thought I was a hard-core feminist, but after reading that book, I realize that I'm pretty damn close to just that (the fact that I chose to write a 4,000 word paper proving that the women in Shakespeare's comedies are the strongest characters should have tipped me off). But anyway, having now finished Full Frontal Feminism and being half way through He's a Stud, She's a Slut, I've come to a startling conclusion- I've been exposed to way more sexism than I ever thought.
I was twelve when I went on my first date (I'm now seventeen but I remember every single second of that night) so I thought I was the shit for going to a PG-13 movie alone with a boy. It was fun and we shared popcorn, but then the movie ended and our parents were waiting outside and that was that. A few days later, one of his friends told me that the reason he hadn't kissed me was because I hadn't let him pay for my ticket. At the time, i didn't think anything of it besides being happy that he'd considered kissing me at all, but now I realize how ridiculous the whole thing was. It's not just that I didn't understand, it's that he had absolutely no idea how sexist that little idea was because the concept that the guy has to pay for everything and that if, god forbid, the girls pays it means that she doesn't like him or she's insulting his masculinity is so ingrained in our culture. Seriously though, we were in the sixth grade. And it was an Adam Sandler movie, so let's move on.
Last year, I was dating a guy who is three years older than I am, so of course, my friends thought I was crazy at first and his friends all referred to me as "jailbait". That's not actually the point of this story, but I figure it is worth mentioning. Anyway, I was on the phone with him one day during the winter and mentioned that I had spent my morning shoveling snow with my parents and brother who was home from college on break. In my family, and in most of my friends' families, this is the norm so I didn't think much of my comment. He, on the other hand, was kind of confused. In his family, as he explained to me that afternoon, he and his brother and his dad shovel the snow while his mom and his sister chill inside drinking hot chocolate. My first remark was "WTF?" and our relationship didn't last much longer. I love the idea of being treated nicely as much as the next girl, but there's a lot to be said for equality, even if it's equality in a task that's not so enjoyable.
Turns out, sexism and feminism have played a bigger role in my life than I thought, so I just wanted to share my recent discoveries as a new, self-proclaimed feminist.
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I've totally had moments like this, too, where I just sort of *pop* and there it is: sexism where I least expected it. You hear your friend say something and you're like... wait a second!
I guess I don't really have anything to add that's useful, but your post resonated with me and it made me laugh. So, thanks!
That's so cool that these books have awakened your inner feminist! I hope they lead you to lots more radical, enlightening reading.
I think this is when change starts: when people think about something "normal" and say, "wait, WTF?" You obviously have a critical eye that compliments your sense of humor very well. These will serve you marvelously.
I know this probably isn't anything, coming from a dude. Yes, men can be assholes and most, if not all, of us at least START OUT as closet sexists. Rest assured, some of us change and honestly want women to take control, especially when that means men lose some control! I, for one, am here to learn from women like you. So, thank you for being who you are!
It's all so ridiculous, I know. That's awesome that you read the twilight series too! I happened to enjoy Eclipse because Bella is represented as more of a feminist (the third wife incident) and well, it made me proud!
Congrats on seeing the light :D
I love love love twilight, but it is sexist. The way Edward treats Bella....... the way Bella always needs "protection" and gives into all his shit. Not to mention how at the end of eclipse bella decides not to have sex until she's married, realizes edward was right all along....etc.