I just adore the word 'sweetheart.' It makes me think of Valentine's Day when I was in elementary school when everyone gave each other a card in a little decorated shoe box on your desk and there was a never ending supply of those chalky candies with the cheesey messages on them. I get called a sweetheard a lot. I'm flattered to be considered a person with a sweet heart. A heart is your love and what better kind of love is there than sweet love?
But being called a sweetheart is so limiting. When I'm labeled a sweetheart, where do I go from there? Anything I do that isn't sweet, caring, selfless, cheery makes it seem as if I'm straying from my 'true nature.' Once I'm considered a sweetheart, there's a pressure to always be that way. If I'm not being extra sweet, something's gotta be wrong. (Why aren't you smiling?) If I try to stand up for myself, get into an argument, do something for myself instead of others, consider my own feelings, it makes me selfish. What happened to the girl with the sweet heart? If a woman is anything but, she is now a bitch. Why is there so much guilt surrounding doing something for ourseleves or asking someone to do something for you? Why must we always be making sacrifices for others?
"To some men, the definition of selfish is that you don't think about them all the time. Well then, I am proud to be one selfish bitch."-Margaret Cho
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It's funny to see you say you adore the word and break down what it really means. It's true, that is what it means. And we theoretically should like it; I mean, it means we're sweet and have good hearts.
But somehow I can *never* hear the word "sweetheart," nevermind being called sweetheart, without imagining it in a condescending tone. "Sweetheart" is what older men at the bar when I was a bartender used to call me once they had a few drinks. It's what men in the supermarket say to me when they need to go past. Well, it's really lost it's meaning there. The don't know whether I am sweet OR have a sweet heart. They don't know anything about me, short of that I am female, short [I swear my height plays into this], and moderately conventionally attractive. All I can do in response to that is glare, in hopes that they notice I am not, in fact, sweet, and my [admittedly] kind heart is certainly not going to be doing them any favors. What do they say? "Fine, bitch." The thing is, they don't know I'm a bitch, either.
Thank you for this post. I too have struggled with being labeled a sweetheart all of my adult - and some of my adolescent - life. I am a fat woman, and years of having my soul destroyed by cruel people has taught me to accomodate everyone and cower to intimidating (assertive) people. This makes people think I'm sweet, when really I am just letting them walk all over me.
I can write about it because that's not at all who I really am. I am selfish and bitchy and opinionated and sometimes an insufferable know-it-all. But I stuff that person down most of the time because I was taught from an early age that she doesn't deserve to exist.
So now, especially at work and with casual friends, I get called sweetheart or any number of its euphamisms quite often. It's limiting, and sometimes it does feel condescending, even though it comes from a good place most of the time. I don't mind being called sweet, but aren't we all a little more complex than that? People who are sweet one minute might be an asshole the next and that's just being human.
Nice post - I've never thought about breaking down the word in that way, having just put it in the catalog of overly-familiar terms that people think it's OK to call women. (I was at a restaurant the other day and the server asked me "are you finished, dear?" It creeped me out probably more than it should have because aside from the insult, the only person who calls me "dear" is my best friend.)