OK, I need some perspective here. I have an 8 month old daughter and 4½ year old step-daughter. Obviously when you're a feminist raising 2 girls you frequently find yourself being fiercely protective and objecting to things that other people think are "no big deal" or "harmless fun." You seriously have to pick your battles. So here's the latest battle.
Our 4 year old has wanted to play T-Ball since she was 2 and we saw some kids playing in the park. In our town, T-Ball starts at the age of 4, so we wasted no time signing her up. On her team there are 8 boys and 2 girls. A family friend who is very generous to the kids gave her a T-Ball set for Christmas that included a pink helmet, bat, glove, etc that all say "girl power" on them, in bubbly girly lettering. This is the same friend who would be giving her Barbies, Bratz, and Princess crap if I didn't threaten to take it all back to the store and give the refund money to charity. So the pink athletic equipment was mildly irritating to me, but I kept my mouth shut. However, now that T-Ball has begun, our daughter, on the promptings of our friend, brings her bat to the practices and games, where the coach unquestioningly has her and the other girl on her team use it instead of the standard aluminum bat the other kids (boys) use. I didn't really object to this until I discovered, after their second game, that this bat is significantly lighter than the standard bat the boys are using. Both girls are perfectly capable of using the regular bat, and have successfully hit with it many times. Now I'm objecting to the use of a lighter bat for the girls, because obviously it will put them at a disadvantage, as the boys continue to grow stronger while the girls fall behind.
Everyone acts like I'm making a mountain out of a molehill, and that this is just another fun little harmless thing. I don't think it's harmless, and even if there wasn't the weight issue, why does everyone feel such a strong need to be separating out the boys and girls and reinforcing the message to the girls that they're "different" than the boys? I'm really not overreacting here, right?
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I dont think you're wrong on this one. At this age, there is no real difference in the children's physical abilities, so why have them use different bats? If the team is co-ed, then they should all use the same equipment. They might as well give the girls a shorter distance to run for the bases if they're going to give them a lighter bat. Speak up. Or stop bringing the bat!
You may be overreacting a bit, but I'm not saying that as a means of minimizing your concern.
If I were in your shoes I would have your daughter stop bringing her set to practice and games on the basis of "team work". If everyone else is using the same equipment, she and the other girl on the team should be too. There's nothing wrong with playing with her pink Girl Power bat when she's not at practice or a game, but since she's on a team and the team is sharing their equipment, if she's really going to be part of the team (from her perspective and the perspective of the coach and her teammates) she should be using the same equipment as them. It does minimize the treating-her-differently-because-she's-a-girl aspect, but achieves the same ends and teaches your daughter that she's shouldn't be treated differently because she's a girl.
Good luck!
I agree with the other commenters. Just simply "forget" the bat at home every game. As a young girl, I played t-ball, but hated pink. I would have probably felt somewhat obligated to use the pink bat, though, and it just would not have sat well with me.
I don't think you're overreacting.
I hate how athletic equipment is so gendered. It doesn't get any better as we grow up. I wanted weight training gloves a few months ago, and was sickened that all the ones designed for women were a) more expensive and b) had pink on them SOMEWHERE. So I bought a small men's pair, they were cheaper and nicely all black. I've also had this issue with swim goggles, I bought a "male" pair after looking at the women's version and finding NO difference aside from the two extra dollars and the fact that they came in pink.
Bottom line, she's your kid. Buying the equipment was a nice gesture on your friend's part, but you aren't obligated to make your daughter's training suffer to repay her favor. If it were me, I would stop bringing the bat. If anyone says anything, just say you think it's too light for her or something. She's gotten too strong to use such a lightweight bat. It's no ones business but yours, your daughter's, and the other girl who uses the bat.
Meh, it's T-ball. It's practice for actual sports. If it was a baseball or softball team, then I would throw a fit.
But that's just my opinion.
If it's really "no big deal" why don't you suggest some of the boys use the lighter bat as well. If folks object, I say you go ahead and "lose" the pink bat... or back your car over it or something.
Have you asked the 4y/o how she feels about her pink bat?
Maybe she likes pink, maybe she would rather use the regular bat. I think that's where you should get your cue. From the kid.
Frankly the fact that you didn't mention once if you had a conversation with her about her thoughts on this is pretty disturbing. It's about choices, even for little kids if those choices can't really harm her. If she likes pink but the bat weight thing is an issue (sounds like it could be) then can she have a pink aluminum bat?
Pink is one of my favorite colors, and I'm a het male. I really have gotten shit from women I've dated about having a pink bedspread and a pink paper lantern. It's ok to like pink, it's ok to like whatever you like if you're given a choice.
Yes, we've actually had the "pink" discussion before in general, and concerning the bat in particular. A few weeks ago we were coloring and she said "my favorite color is pink, but I like green the best." I said, "well, whichever color you like best is your favorite." Her response: "Miss Jessica (preschool teacher's aid) said girls like pink, so that's may favorite, but sometimes I also like purple best." Of course, I told her that she can have whatever color she wants for her favorite, and she can have a different favorite color everyday if she wants, but that she doesn't have to have a certain color as her favorite just because she's a girl. I don't necessarily dislike pink, although I'm irritated that everything that's marketed to girls has to be pink. I just want her to have other (real) choices, and I don't want her to be disadvantaged by using different (lighter) equipment than the boys.