You can probably tell by now that I have a really hard time with what Qwerty called in one of my posts "misandric rhetoric" that exists within the overall feminist community. You can also probably tell that I'm not the only one.
So, in order to combat that, I'd like to take a moment to thank all of the guys who understand and support feminism, and especially the ones who participate in it. My own "feminist boyfriend" especially. These are the guys who will say "that's really fucked up" when we talk about fashionable labiaplasty or rape statistics. These are the guys who refuse to submit to prescribed gender roles. These are the guys who support women's rights to be sovereign over their own bodies, and will even take a moment to acknowledge that our society doesn't seem to realize that woman's sovereignty over herself isn't as much of a given as man's sovereignty over himself -- and he thinks that, too, is fucked up.
These guys are the majority too. They want to be who they are just as much as we want to be who we are. Just because we don't hear a lot about them, doesn't make them the minority in the MAN camp. Maybe they don't talk about their feminist ideals as much (for the same reason anyone doesn't -- it's just not "cool", it's confrontational and unpleasant), and because they aren't making a lot of noise about it, we don't hear them and don't know they exist.
So thank you, Guys Who Get ItTM . You're helping out a lot more than you know, and you deserve praise. It also is incumbent upon us feminists to recognize you as a step toward eradicating misandric (aka sexist) rhetoric.
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I don't think I totally get it...
but thank you for your post.
It could be said that no one totally gets it, but at least you're trying. :)
Thanks, rachel.
I do not think the majority of guys "get it." If that were the case, things would be a LOT better for women in our society. However, I think a lot more women need to be talking to men in a non-confrontational way to help them "get it."
My partner and I have discussions all of the time in which he struggles to understand how oppressed women are and I struggle to come up with examples that he can relate to. He gets a lot of it, but he cannot see through a lot of the bullshit he has learned his whole life. On another post someone wrote how her boyfriend didn't notice the gender bias in the recent Batman movie. This is a good example of how men are not sensitized to these issues.
What makes me hopeful is that some men are trying. I think that women bear a lot of responsibility to help any men in their lives overcome their own gendered programming. We have to have the courage to really let them respond to our views, listen, and take the time to have honest conversations about feminism with men before they will just suddenly be able to overcome patriarchal or misogynist thinking.
I think more men than we know have resorted to simply staying quiet when the feminists in their lives point out things that irk or upset us. I know women who take this to mean their partner (or brother or friend, etc.) agrees with them. This is often not the case - they are just avoiding confrontation by choosing not to express opposition or lack of understanding.
I have come to enjoy it when I hear my partner express his views that reveal to me how he does not really "get" where I am coming from on an issue. I take it as a challenge where I can use what I know to explain my position with examples he can relate to.
In our society, men and women are raised as if in different worlds. The dominant culture attempts to encourage this, thus propogating further misunderstadings and conflict. It is important that we all take some responsibility for bridging these two "realities" in which men and women live and help each other understand that it is truly only one world, and we are all in it together.
Mooroo54: It's true, men will never fully comprehend the social stigma women have. However, "getting it" doesn't mean "living it". Getting it means we as men see the misuse against women, the exploitation, and can easily point out to other men when they are being misogynist. Men like myself can analyze themselves, "Did what I just think/say/do be considered misogynist? In what ways were they? Did I do this with truely misogynist intention, or maybe society really has 'programmed' me?"
The fact that a man can truely assess what he is saying, doing, thinking, etc, shows that he can infact "get it".
P.s:
Thanks Rachel. :)