One of the issues that I have to confront on a daily basis is trying to find a balance between my family and my career path. In some ways, I'm extremely privileged. My husband has a decent job, and although they treat him like crap, it pays pretty well. We struggle, shop at thrift stores and dented can stores, I barter the price I pay for daycare, and we're in debt, but we get by.
When I first found out that I was pregnant, I was homeless and working three jobs. During the day I was an Elementary School music teacher, in the afternoons I gave private voice lessons, and at night I worked as a stage performer at a beach resort. My early pregnancy wasn't easy, and although I didn't have much problem with sickness, I had a terrible fatigue syndrome that basically incapacitated me. I had to quit all of my jobs and my husband and I moved back to the East Coast in search of more opportunity.
I was a stay at home mom for a year, and we got by on Social Services, but I couldn't stand being idle. Even though being a SAHM was the most demanding and toughest job I'd ever done, I really longed to contribute more to our family financially. So I did what most idealistic Americans do and made the decision to go back to school and finish my degree in hopes of opening up my own music studio.
I applied to a liberal, New England state school and got accepted on a great scholarship. The faculty and administration have been great in doing everything they can to accommodate me and help me get through school. Even with all of the help and support, I realized one thing: if my husband wasn't a teacher, there would be no way in hell I could be doing all of this. I would have had to give up my dreams and be a waitress until my son was old enough to get a job and pitch in.
Most of us know about the struggles of mothers trying to break into the professional world: lack of paid parental leave, lack of affordable health care, lack of flexibility and gender discrimination. All of these are very real and extremely important flaws in our society. However, many women don't even have the opportunity to be worried with those problems because they're not educated or qualified enough to even apply for corporate jobs.
Before you get to the point where you're trying to juggle professional work and family, you have to struggle to get yourself qualified for such work. Our education system leaves virtually no options for women to go back to school full time and better themselves.
There is some help, there is usually family housing, and there is night school and university daycare, but all of them are flawed and you still have to find a way to pay for it all. Night school is a pretty good option, but the degree programs are limited and totally inconvenient for single moms. It's near impossible to find evening daycare, not to mention you would have no time to actually spend with your kids.
At my university, undergraduates are given the lowest priority on wait-lists for university housing and daycare. The wait-list time is usually 1-2 years, and still costs money. That means that you either have to work at least a part-time job, or take out a shit ton of loans to cover your living expenses. And let me tell you, being a parent and dealing with homework and finals is hard as shit. I can't imagine doing all of it and working more than a day or two a week. (and just try and find a job in this economy that will let you work only a couple of days a week)
Beyond the day-to-day logistics, there is nothing in school policies to give parents extra sick days to care for a sick child. At my school, you are alloted 3 absences pet semester. I'm lucky that all of my professors thus far have made an exception for me, and I have not been penalized for taking extra days to care for my son when he's sick. However, one asshole teacher would bring it all crashing down.
For poor and single parents, it can seem too monumental to be a reality. It seems to me that you have to be at least be lower middle class to move up ladder.
The affect of such a profound lack of options for uneducated parents is that it essentially traps them (and their children) in poverty. Without a special structure to help parents who are trying to better their social standing, we're essentially saying to millions of people that if you're born in poverty, we aren't going to help you get out. That's a huge reason why I want to punch every person in the face who uses the whole, "pull yourself up by your bootstraps" diatribe.
There are endless roadblocks for poor and single parents to bettering themselves and nobody seems to care or see a need to change (or even discuss) these issues. It makes the plight of the undereducated nearly invisible.
The only way I'm able to maintain my music education (which entails tons of extra evening rehearsals and weekend performances) is because we're a two parent household with family relatively close by incase we get into a pinch. If I were a single parent with no family to help and no income to cover my food, rent and utilities, then there wouldn't be a question of me following my dreams. It just couldn't happen.
I'm extremely blessed to have what I have. However, my privilege and opportunity often makes me feel consumed with guilt. We struggle and scrounge to get by, but still there are so many families that would kill to be in my position. I just want to see better opportunities for parents so there will be better opportunities for future generations.
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When I was young my best friend's mom got a BA. I never really thought about how much work it would be to raise 4 kids and get a BA. Though for her it was a full-time job I guess. She lived on welfare and got student loans. So in her case it was possible but only if you're okay with having a HUGE loan in your 40s.
This is why it pisses me off when people say education is a solution to poverty. It's not. I tried going to college for a semester but left after a series of bad teachers and I became pregnant with my daughter. I had a 1,700 loan that ruined my credit when I didn't know I need to pay it, since I was never mailed a bill for the loan and finally it defaulted and they contacted my current employer. My partner paid for my loan in cash, but otherwise they would have garnished my already low wages. My bad credit would have made it difficult to get an apartment, if not impossible in my area. During my pregnancy I wasn't able to work, the economy also made it hard for my partner to get a job in his field. We lived in a two bedroom apartment with a roommate and still created a large credit card debt. We paid the minimums so it didn't effect his credit and lucky we found an affordable house with-in three weeks after we were evicted from that apartment. We lived in a four bedroom house with 2 roommates and could just pay the bills. There are countless times when without luck we could have become homeless. Lucky now my partner has a job with our local government, good pay and good benefits and I have a full time job. But keep in mind he went to college before the costs really spiked and his dad is a doctor who always made sure his bills where paid for the 30 years that my partner lived at home. I couldn't imagine going back to school now. If I had to take 4 years off and make more debt in the process it would financially ruin us.