Good for you for sticking to your guns. Men and children are so much better when they aren't compulsory.

While no one has hit me with the child question yet I instead get the "you should be dating a guy and you should be married " look because we all know that at 24 I need a man to make myself complete. *sarcasm should be dripping now* Unfortunately, our world revolves in such thought.

Myself surviving molestation by a family member all I can tell you is it takes time. And in some respects one never heals but learns to live. It's like my appendix scar. It is there and will never go away but it doesn't hurt anymore.

My mother used to tell me "don't let your issues control you". Shortly translated don't let yourself become the statistic number. For me that has been helpful and I hope it is to you as well.

pax

For you great writers who read my writing...my apologies for the million of writing rules I may have broken.

Now wait a minute. If a childless person told a person with children that they would be happy without them that would be rude, right?

So why is it not rude to tell a woman without children that she would be happy with a child?

Thank you for everyone who read this! Its nice to be able to share my story, experiences and life on feministing!

Alicia-yes healing does take time. I know that healing happens in layers and that it does not happen overnight. I used to think I had things completely healed until I realized that healing happens in bits and pieces. Healing any kind of abuse-vicarious, emotional, physical or spiritual takes time for sure!

Rachel_Setzer-It is rude to tell me I would be happy with children because its about respecting my space and life at the current time. Now that you know the story behind why I don't why children you can understand why. My friend also understood why. My current life is about building and creating a potential nonprofit organization. I am learning to love myself, friends and family. After abuse of any form it takes some time to heal and open up to people again.

I can't believe someone who calls themselves your friend would make a suggestion like that! It's just like when a couple thinks their relationship/marriage would be "fixed" if they had a baby. It's terrible to bring a child into the world for the wrong reasons (many of which you listed above).

I'm currently unemployed with my Bachelor's Degree, and contemplating moving back in with my parents, since my money has run out (already, after only three weeks of being "out on my own"). I want to save up for my Master's but yesterday I realized that even after I get that I still will have no idea what I want to do in life. Was the Master's a good decision for you? I know I want to get mine, just so I can put off real life for a bit...

I am also a survivor, and waiting for the healing to take place. I know I have an active role in it, but coming to terms with various things in my life has been quite difficult.

Thank you for sharing your story!

mskehor-Yes, I know what you mean about the friend thing!

Gosh, these economic times are affecting us all. I was talking with my Mother today and I pointed at the two degrees on my wall and said, "If I knew the world was going to be like this I would of not went to college, ever. I would of worked coffee shop jobs, worked on organic farms all over the country, and just traveled." Then she went on to say, "you should never take anything back." I know but I am sure that I am not the only one who feels college was a waste. My suggestion to you is to wait and feel out what you really want to do in life. Don't get more in debt with another degree. College is a business sad to say.

I really know graduate school benefited me in many ways: learning alternative leadership models, group skills, organizing projects/events, networking, working with a variety of professionals, and doing a thesis project. It really helped me open up because I was very shy. I also went to two schools that aren't well known. The graduate school I went to is a very unique private school based in alternative education. Although the skills I have learned are definitely a need in our changing world many organizations probably don't embrace my skills because they are something they have yet to apply, but obviously should!

Its good to know as survivors that we are not alone by any means! And we can and are healing!

Cheers!

I hope you heal. You sound like you're hurting.
Maybe in the future you'll want a chid; maybe not. Maybe you'll find that you're happy and complete and content without anyone else. Either of those options and anything in between is fine.

I get this all the time - I'm married (and living in Bogota, Colombia) for around 8 years and many don't get the idea that both my husband and i aren't that interested in having babies. We also feel rather strongly that there are so many children who need good homes, that adoption would be a MUCH better option; I mean, helping a living child who is actually IN this world rather than a possible one that doesn't exist at the moment.

When we were just married, I noticed that many people actually spoke to my belly button! I'm sure they were disappointed as I began to lose weight!

But it's amazing how freely people make comments about such personal decisions - almost as soon as I say I am married, I get asked if I have kids, and then they ask me why I don't. Of course, my husband never gets asked these questions. I usually respond that I have three canine daughters. The more persistent will then ask me how my husband feels about me not giving him a child.

miktacular

an idea - but have you considered maybe graduate school in other countries.

If you speak good Spanish, then maybe you might be interested in studying in Latin America, there's an interesting programme in Gender Studies and Development, as an example - there are many other interesting programmes, in the Universidad Nacional de Colombia in Bogota.
http://www.unal.edu.co/webprogramas/programa.php@are=c28d22d5f960315b708cda3dcb297dfa&lev=mae&id_prog=37.html

The fees there (it's a public uni.) are around US$2,000, it's a good school which is recognised internationally and it would be an interesting experience, as you would gain a very different perspective on Developed vs. Developing World issues. Not to mention get kickass Spanish!

There are other good universities and other programmes at post-grad levels.

Private uni.s are more expensive, try around 3,200 bucks.

Let me know if I can give you more information

sorry - those values are fees per semester!!!
sorry for the multiple posting - and the lack of strict relevance to the original thread

Though my story is tame compared to some of the experiences people here have had, this sentence made me realise something:

"While no one has hit me with the child question yet I instead get the "you should be dating a guy and you should be married " look because we all know that at 24 I need a man to make myself complete."

I'm going to my sister's wedding in October, a day before my 27th birthday, and I'm single and I have no date for the wedding. My sister is three years younger than me. For some reason this has made me feel inadequate and so I've tried hard to find a male friend to ask along.

But surely I should just be me and not have to have a prop, especially as I am chief bridesmaid and will have quite enough to do and family to speak to without worrying about my date having someone to talk to at dinner (he wouldn't be able to sit with me).

Instead I should just take along my stories of my life and success and tell those to my family I haven't seen in years rather than displaying my ability to find a man! I'm just about to start a funded PhD course and clearly I am more pleased about this than having a man and I want to tell my grandparents and aunts all about it. Men are just disappointing for me lately but that's another matter.

So I think I won't ask my friend to escort me, I can hang out with him any time but this is my sister's day so I want to be there for her.