Well,
I have always found feministing's posts on street/subway/internet harassment to be pretty fascinating. Of course it's something I'd experienced for a long time, but I'd never thought overly much about the implications or the scale of it before reading feministing.
I'd tried different approaches to handling it, on my own. I've tried the "ignore it" approach, the "flip the bird" approach, the "smile and move on" approach (especially if the comment was not overly rude). The first one often tends to end with the guy persisting, or else tossing an insult. With the second one, most often they ignore it, sometimes they seem a bit stunned or offended. I don't know that it's ever done much to change their minds, though.
The smiling approach usually seems to get me off the hook, but then I wind up feeling subjugated and slightly annoyed.
Anyway, I think reading feministing had helped me frame the argument in my own mind for why street harassment, even of the less-threatening kind, is a problem. So I was walking down the street today during my lunchbreak, and this guy behind me (who couldn't even see my face) did the whole "smile for me" thing. "Smile, baby. Hey beautiful, smile." (I keep walking) "Hey why won't you smile for me, it's a beautiful day?" So then I stop... turn around... and replied quickly in a slightly annoyed voice as follows:
"Why should I have to give my time to every guy who says something to me on the street? If I'm walking down the street and 20 guys say something to me, what do I owe to each of you, huh? You know what I mean?..."
And then, he actually hung his head, and said: "You're right. No, you're right..."
I was... surprised. I ended with "It's nothing personal, but..." and I turned back and was on my way. I felt a little warmed, actually. I think I will have to try this again.
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way to go! through my research on street harassment, I found that the sort of response you gave can be one of the best because while it's hard to say what any response will have on a given person, at the very least it usually helps the woman feel better and it can hopefully help educate the guy/give him something to think about.
i admit though, i haven't had the nerve to try it out myself and indeed had the chance this week when faced with almost the exact same scenario as you but i walked on trying to ignore it and have felt ashamed of myself ever since.
Oh gawd, I HATE it when they tell you to smile. I have a whole range of responses. If I get honked at, I flip the bird and scream "Fuck You!", if someone says something like "Hey baby" on the street, I look them in the eyes and say, "Would you speak to your mother that way? No? Ok, then don't talk that way to ME!" And if someone tells me to smile, I say straight up "I am not here to please you". Mostly, every reaction I've gotten has been a wide-eyed "Fuck, what do I do now" kind of reaction. I get straight to the point. I am not afraid of street harassers, and I notice that standing up to them makes them cower like little boys. They don't expect 20-something little me to speak out, but when I do it takes them off their mountain.
The other day though, I was sitting outside of my favorite coffee shop listening to my iPod and reading the book "Country Under My Skin" (Which I HIGHLY recommend) and some old fart about 50-years-old had the audacity to ask me if my hair color was natural. I ignored him, but in my head I was thinking, "What the fuck does it matter to you?"
Good for you! A guy bicycled past me on my way to work the other day and said something (I can't remember what but it wasn't overtly offensive) and I shouted after him not to harrass strangers in the street; he stopped and came back to me and I thought Oh bugger, now I'm for it; he asked me what I said and I repeated that women aren't looking to be shouted at on their way to work, and he said he was sorry and rode off. Result!
The other time recently I answered back was outside a shop, the staff of which always leer at you and ask how your day's going in that not-pleasant manner; it was 2am and I was walking home from the nightbus and one of the staff stood in the doorway of the shop said "Hello how are you" in that leery way; I shouted back not to harass women in the street and he looked sooo shocked. Ahahahaa. I felt loads better than I would if I hadn't say anything.
Hurray for answering back. I'm not letting anyone get away with it any more, and just wish I'd starting doing this years ago.
ecape2, LolaLola, and eleanargh--
It inspires me that you have such courage and power in calling out street harassers. I would have never seen myself as capable of doing that, until I read ecape2's post and the comments, and pictured eleanargh yelling at a man not to harass women in the street. I honestly never thought I had a "right" to yell back at them, as stupid as that sounds. I was taught the whole "if you can't say something nice don't say anything at all" brainwashing and hadn't even seen it as a possible (socially acceptable?) way for me to act in "public." But, I really think I'll try that next time I'm harassed on the street. I have more of a right to yell at a street harasser than he has to harass me. XD
Here are other strategies and tactics for dealing with street harassment. Please feel free to share your success stories & suggestions.
My sister deals with this so well. The other day we were out together walking along the street and someone said to her in a leery voice, "Hey honey, how you doin' honey?" She stopped, whirled round and said, "I am NOT your honey. Got it?" He looked so shocked, it was almost comical.