Last Saturday, Ellen Degeneres and Portia De Rossi married one another at their home in front of a small number of guests. It looked like a gorgeous ceremony and the two of them just glowed. (Of course, they probably had a fab photographer, unlike the guy I got off Craigslist for $200.)
This ceremony was obviously much more than any simple celeb wedding; it's the first time a Lesbian celebrity couple has married legally. It is an out there example of how marriage is evolving from a heterosexual institution goverened by gender and economics to a statement of love and committment that anyone can make. And what did Ellen have to say about it in People?"
DeGeneres described herself as "the luckiest girl in the world''.
"She's (referring to Portia De Rossi) officially off the market. No one else gets her. And now she'll cook and clean for me.''
Oh. Oh. Maybe it was the wedded bliss talking, but something really didn't sit right with me about that whole "she'll cook and clean for me" line. I think if my partner said that on our wedding day, I would have thrown a punch. And why would Mrs. De Rossi be the cook and cleaner? Is it because she is more "femme" than Ellen? That looking a certain way entails certain domestic duties? I know, I know, Ellen was just trying to be funny, but her saying that seemed to reinforce gender divides and "butch/femme" roles in relationships; roles that are often reflections of homophobia and misogyny. Thoughts?
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Um...I may be wrong, but I believe that Ellen's comment was made sarcastically, mocking "traditional" marriages...
Its Ellen's wedding... have enough faith in her that she knows what her partner will accept as a joke.
FeministMSW:
As Kayla stated Ellen might well have been joking or even disempowering though ownership.
Or it may well be that while it is important to remove the thrusting of binary roles relating to gender on relationships; people still are capable of defining for themselves what the nature of their relationship is without being made ashamed of doing so.
My ex-lover was married last year to another woman. They do have a disposition to the binary, her spouse is more traditionally "butch" and my ex is absolutely "femme" in appearance (the wedding pix look like KD Lang getting married to Jackie O. Both gorgeous and both very distinctly different). Should I suggest to them that they subvert what works for them because to display a happy couple living into what, to some, might be considered a stereotype may be harmful to the image of women or queer couples?
What is important is to allow people the freedom to choose for themselves what makes them happy. Coercion, even in the form of judging people negatively without the ability to enforce to enforce those judgments is just another form of oppression.
It is one thing to tell someone they are free to be an individual, that they do not need to conform to the stereotypes of other people.
It is quite another thing to tell people they are not free or are in the wrong to do as they choose because what they choose is too similar to a stereotype we may find distasteful.
It's got to be joke! And yes, I agree with Kayla, Ellen is sending up heteronormativity and the institution of marriage. The problem is, she's now also participating in that institution, even if her politics make her ambivalent about it. It's a difficult space to occupy, even for someone lucky enough to marry the gorgeous Portia
De Rossi!
Not that I know Portia De Rossi personally or anything but; isn't it possible that she likes to clean and cook and Ellen just plain doesn't? I mean, I'm a girl in a hetero relationship and I'm a total slob. AND I hate cooking. So my boyfriend does both of those things...just sayin'.
Good post.
Of course deRossi--the "femme" figure, natch--could in fact like those things, but it's a bit too stereotypically gendered for my taste, especially when made as a public statement.
And of course we don't know the tone in which it was said--I really respect Ellen, so I really hope it was sarcastic.
I believe Ellen was merely joking, especially considering her profession. Since she is the "butch" to Portia's "femme", I believe that her joke merely played on those stereotypes of a wife and husband...when obviously they are now wife and wife.