all i have to say is. i concur.

oh. and thanks for pointing it out, it's horrible how the painfully obvious is always overlooked and or avoided.

my ex-boyfriend and his group of friends MAY have created the "it's not rape if you yell surprise" 'slogan'. which i find really sickening. mostly because he saw first-hand all my post-rape PTSD issues and took care of me when i needed him to, backed away when he knew/i told him that's what i needed. yet even he didn't think that the "it's not rape if you yell surprise" thing was stupid, inappropriate, horrific, hurtful and sexist. oh, and definitely not funny.

TOTALLY AGREE! I hate the fact that people tend to take rape lightly. I guess not many have cared to read or find out what really happens and how much people are affected by it afterwards. We're mobbed by a view of rape that's not 100% true. I mean how many times have we heard that it's our fault and that we just use it as an excuse? All that just comes from people that don't care enough about rape to really say anything productive.

What also bothers me is that facebook would keep something up like that and basically promote it. Since facebook reaches so many people I'd wish that someone would be responsible enough to control the offensive material that comes up. Not just on the flair app. but on other apps as well.

I totally agree. Rape is something to be taken seriously - definitely not a joke.

My friend's sister posted a myspace bulletin once saying something like "message me and tell me if you want to rape me!!! teee hee hee" Needless to say I replied immediately and told her that she should NEVER joke about rape because it is a very real problem and is not to be taken lightly.

Kind of a tangent, but does anybody else ever hear the phrase "That exam totally raped me!" or, conversely, "I totally raped that quiz!"? Every once in a while I'll hear that and it drive me NUTS.

erinamelia-I have and I just wanna go NO! It's not a joke or a funny way to describe something...it's a crime...plain and simple...The first time I heard someone say something like that I was shocked beyond speech and then I went, "excuse me what?" now I discuss with them why it is inappropriate and offensive (although some may say I rant at them)

I am studying to be a teacher and I've got a list of words that are not to be used in these "Just Playing" manners...gay as in that "homework assignment was so gay" or retarded "lord that was retarded...and recently raped as in "I totally raped that quiz" has been added...

Mavra-I think that is what is one of the biggest pissing me off points too that facebook is such a widespread thing that almost everyone either knows about it or uses it...and to have no one going okay this is just wrong to have up and it is going to hurt and offend so many let me take it down...it's wrong...and it also proves to me that rape is unfortunately losing it's power in a culture...or maybe that isn't the way that it should be worded, but too many people men and women deal with rape, and it doesn't matter how it happened whether it was an attack in an alley or by a friend after a few drinks...it is all rape and it all involves mutilating and violence and taking someone's choice and power away...that isn't a joke...and that isn't something that needs to ever be taken lightly, but it feels like that more and more are trying to tell us that it's the victim's fault or that there was something that the victim could've or should've done...and that is crap...Rape is not a joke and the fact that society is more okay with making it one...is just too sad and sick for words.

Shae-Sorry to hear about your ex, but glad to hear that he is your ex...see that is one of the ways this to me is so dangerous about this because you will have some random asshole not get how that is not funny...well apparently a bunch of assholes already aren't getting it.

Veronica- Exactly it is one of those almost subliminal messages where it's so innocuous or so completely unexpected that you don't notice it, until you do.

I agree with you whole-heartedly! Yet, when women point out that these jokes aren't funny at all we're told to "lighten up, it's just a joke" or they just figure we're one of those humorless feminists. No, we have a sense of humor, but that sort of "humor" is tasteless at best.

Melissa you are so right this is just gonna be one of those things that people use to say feminists just don't have a sense of humor...ya know what show me something funny...and I'll laugh show me something demeaning and disgusting I'll get pissed...

my ex-boyfriend and his group of friends MAY have created the "it's not rape if you yell surprise" 'slogan'. which i find really sickening.
Hmm...my ex was the same way, except instead of helping me move past a rape, he was my rapist. And then he started with the "it's not rape, it's surprise sex!" meme.

Genevieve-wow...there are no words except I'm glad he is an ex-and one day I hope the Karma comes back to bite him in the ass...

this is exactly why these "flair" pisses me off...because people believe them...they think that they are funny which they aren't and then think oh yeah it is kinda like that...it isn't it's a crime always....

I can almost see rape being used as a synonym for "completely destroyed/devastated/ruined/etc." but as
"surprise sex"? WTF??! Would it have been any less witty to say, "Friends hug you when you leave; best friends seduce you in the hallway"? The second implies consent and sounds yummier, IMO.

Nakia...It is almost like they did it specifically to insult and demean rape...and ya know what that is not okay if they were really trying to be witty you have the perfect slogan there...but alas we get the bottom of the wit, but the tip of the disgusting...yay us...oy...

a few months ago, a friend and I (both graduate teaching assistants) spent our office hours reporting all of the isn't-rape-funny flair. we gave up after approximately an hour. and not only because we had class. we felt mentally and psychically hurt.
I hadn't checked for quite some time, but after reading this post - looks like I'll be spending another hour going through flair and reporting.
but this is what we should do - all of us who have facebook (with the flair application!) should report report report.
it's unfortunate, just like with far too many other things, that something as light-hearted and silly as a fake cork-board for buttons can become a horribly visible example of misogyny. on the other hand, I use my flair to display as much of my feminism as possible... some of my favorites:
"if you feel attacked by feminism, it's probably a counter-attack"
"sexism is a social disease"
"if you cut off my reproductive choice, can I cut off yours?" (says a delighted young girl with scissors)
"my marxist-feminist dialectic brings all the boys to the yard"
"we're not gossiping - we're plotting our evil, left-wing, feminist agenda"
and so forth. so flair can be awesome, but also awesomely offensive.

I'm off to report rape-y flair.

It is not just the pieces of flair application, it is also the bumper sticker bullshit, which is technically the same thing plus or minus a fake bulletin board. And rape is not the only issue with these applications. I cannot believe how many bumpers stickers and pieces of flair are sexist, racist, ageist, lookist, etc. etc... It is simply disgusting. I often times browse my friends (not technically my "friends" but friends according to facebook, you get the picture) stickers and flare because I am what you would call a "facebook stalker." I find myself wanting to slap a lot of people on the head for what they have up on their profile. One that is sticking out in my mind has a picture of a black man on it. Around his head is a big cell phone with rubber band keeping it in place, across the bottom of the picture it says "blacktooth." WTF... It is interesting that hate is finding new mediums in which to manifest itself.

I think that a lot of people forget that Facebook is more than a social networking site, it is also an advertisement site, and no, I am not talking about products or for different sites. I am talking about your own personal advertisement. In essence, your facebook page is your personally designed advertisement of yourself. I guess that some people don't mind advertising themselves as racist, sexist... or any other ist that exists. They simply don't care. Sigh. But what I wonder is whether in our present society, will having obscene stickers and flare demonstrating hate negatively affect the person with it. It is funny to think that people haven't gotten jobs or positions because their facebook accounts portrayed pictures of them having too much fun one night and people have been kicked off of sports teams for pictures of them drinking. But will someone not get the job or get kicked off the team because they have a racist sticker or a piece of flare that glorifies rape?... hmmmm... something to ponder. Seems a bit more serious an issue if ya ask me.

because feminists don't have a sense of humor you know...neither do minorities, or handicapped people, or the LGBTQ community, or "fat" people etc. This is one of those reasons why i don't think free speech is applicable if it violates an ethical law. (sigh)

I actually just remembered my ex-boyfriend got the 'it's not rape if you yell surprise' thing from a movie. i don't remember which one but when I find out i'm going to personally rent it from every video store in my city of 4 million people and i will destroy each one. in some highly clever way which i have yet to come up with. other than an incinerator. but that's not clever.

I AGREE!!

I thought I was the only one who noticed all this - I have sent my friends numerous messages asking them to report bumper stickers with rape jokes. (I don't use flair.) Anyway, it's nice to see that someone else gets it, too. :)

lyndiebug has a great point in that everyone needs to report this offensive material on facebook. I spent some time reporting groups/events such as "the Packers will rape the Giants this weekend" but they weren't removed by facebook! I think that there's a greater chance of eliminating some of this material if we report it together otherwise the facebook monitors see a report as just one angry feminist complaining.

"I am studying to be a teacher and I've got a list of words that are not to be used in these "Just Playing" manners...gay as in that "homework assignment was so gay" or retarded "lord that was retarded...and recently raped as in "I totally raped that quiz" has been added..."

I've noticed that people use phrases like this SO MUCH without realizing it..and I have recently stopped myself from using the phrase "thats retarded." because I just picked it up when I was in high school and no one ever corrected me or told me that it was inappropriate. In my old school they had quite a big problem with people using phrases like "don't be a Jew" ( which I don't think is very common elsewhere) or "don't be so gay." I hear people use the phrse "I raped that exam" SO much as well.

And I thought I was the only one who was offended by several of the bumper stickers on Facebook. Although there are some feminist-friendly stickers, I was shocked looking at some of the crap they have on there. Not only the rape "jokes," but other more subtle sexist things that really make me cringe.

Here are some examples that I found on the "most popular" pages in Bumper sticker application.

"all you have to do in life is go to your best friends, party hard, and look twice as good as the bitch standing next to you" or "Im feeling the sudden urge to squeeze your boobs" "bitches aint shit" "a best friend hates the bitch you do" "I rape people like you" "skankface"... and the list goes on.