Anyone else get frustrated when your feminist-identified male friends have extremely anti-feminist moments? IE:
a) they make a rape joke (“it’s funny when it’s bro-rape!!”)
b) they reduce other women to anatomy (“OMG boobies and tits”)
c) they assert “expert” opinions on issues like street harassment, abortion, and sexism in the workplace (“women should wear modest clothing so they won’t be harassed!”)
d) they make a “woman joke” around you just to piss you off (“you’re so cute when you are angry!”)
e) they pretend to be manly around you just to piss you off (“oh, I’m a MAN, ha ha ha, what are you going to do, WOMAN?? Ha ha ha”)
Etc etc. Don’t get me wrong—I love when guys say that they are feminists and mean it. I’ve had great discussions with men who support my ideas and/or expand my ideas with their own unique takes on gender issues. But some guys don’t get that feminism isn’t just a “sometimes” belief—it’s a way of life.
(note: do women do this too? I have never had a female friend like that, but maybe they are out there.)
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I've had a couple female friends that probably think they're feminists but have said things like:
1) Girls (meaning young women) ARE bitchy and petty. Guys are more interesting and make better friends.
2) All my closest friendships are with men. My girlfriends are just people I bullshit with.
3) I wouldn't date a guy who likes art, even though I love art. It makes them seem wimpy.
4) Most of the graduating class from the nursing school is women. It's are to argue that there's not something genetic at work there.
Unfortunately, these were honest sentiments - not meant to provoke or piss anyone off. So, I guess my point is that faux or superficial feminism is not limited to men.
YES! I have a male friend that specifically makes comments just to watch me go off, he likes getting the rise out of me. One of my pet peeves is when people use the "you're such a girl" or "you throw like a girl", etc. Any insult that relies on the idea that being a girl or doing something in a "girly" way is something to be ashamed of... Since this is a pet peeve of mine, this certain male friend loves to toss it around in my presence as much as possible.
Oops - my bullet point #4 up there was supposed to say:
4) Most of the graduating class from the nursing school is women. It's HARD to argue that there's not something genetic at work there.
Sorry for the typo.
2) All my closest friendships are with men. My girlfriends are just people I bullshit with.
How does this make anyone less of a feminist?
Luna:
It's not that it makes someone less of a feminist, it just feels sexist when you hear someone say that. Most girls I know have said something along the lines of "I'd rather hang out with guys because girls are _ _ _ _" (insert drama,annoying,loud,too girly, or some other offensive/sexist adjective on the dotted line.)
I would add to that list making jokes about beating up your significant other and making comments about celebrities that are too fat/too thin.
And with a lot of these things, I've heard women too.
A female friend was the one who sent me to a link on bro rape. My girlfriends and I chat about our own boobs and our friends boobs regularly (usually in complaining about inability to find clothes or bras that fit them correctly, for large or small)
Almost all of my boyfriends male friends and sometimes my bf are guilty of D) and E) and if you get pissed off about it they feel like they've "won" and you're a humorless feminist. It bothers me to no freaking end.
[quote]if you get pissed off about it they feel like they've "won" and you're a humorless feminist. It bothers me to no freaking end.[/quote]
Yes - exactly!!! I have what is called the "wit of the staircase" (thinking of good replies and repartees while climbing the stairs to get home). But this is giving me the idea of generating my own list of zingers and one-liners to reply to so-called "humour" that is downright offensive. Since the latter follows a standard pattern anyway, it's probably doable...