When we often talk about taking a spouses last name, there will inevatible be the woman who admit that they're doing it because they hate their last names. But then the question becomes why does it always seem like women hate their last names, while men with shitty last names seem to have no problem keeping them and passing them on to unsuspecting offspring.
Well, via Jezebel comes a post about Kris Dyer , who thought his name was "rubbish" and decided to take his wife's, only to find that they made their friends uncomfortable with their "non traditional" decision.
It's an interesting read on how tied people are to traditions, and the underlying assumption that women will always take their husbands last name in marriage and what happens when that assumption is challenged.
It's actually refreshing to see a man taking his wife's name, though whatever it is the couple is comfortable with shouldn't be judged by others (as long as no one is being forced or coerced).
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That Jezebel post says 'in the UK, only 50% of women take their husband's names'
Er, what? I live in the UK, and I'm pretty sure this isn't the case...
I have no intention of taking my husband's name, assuming I get married, however, within the next two years I am definitely going to change my name to a name I have chosen from my mother's ancestors. I don't have a relationship with my father and I want to do it before I graduate from college.
Anyone, I don't think that anyone should take anyone's name, it just doesn't seem to serve any purpose to me. I think a lot of women don't even think about it, just do it. I cringe every time I hear "May I be the first to present to you Mr and Mrs hisfirstname hislast name." A lot of my friends/acquaintences have gotten married recently.
Of course, what on earth will I name my children? Hyphens are so unwieldy.
My first name: Steven
Wife's last name: King
My new name would be... Steven King...
I don't think so.
I knew a woman named Janet Jackson. Her husband was Michael Jackson.
He was born before Pedophile Mikey got big, but I'm pretty sure Janet Jackson was famous by the time they got married. I so don't get why she changed it. Now she gets lots of weird calls to her office. It got really bad after Superbowl Nipplegate.
OMG, not Michael Jackson the Beer Hunter, the recently passed expert on all things fermented?
http://www.beerhunter.com/worldview.html
The way surnames work, men have their own names, but women have either their father's name or their husband's name. Either way, they have some man's name.
I believe there's got to be some kind of remake of the way we do surnames, so that it's not seen as automatic that a woman becomes an appendage of her husband. Can you imagine 'Welcoming Mr and Mrs Sarah Smith', or something along those lines? That wouldn't be any better. I'm of the opinion that we shouldn't define ourselves by our partners. Right now the alternative-to-taking-his-name options for a woman seem to be:
Keep own name
He takes your name
Hyphenate both names
Both take a totally new name
Still, are these options enough, when the surnaming system is still patrilineal? Perhaps we should have a whole different way of naming. I think both keeping their own name and then if they have kids for the kids to have both names is a great idea, because it exemplifies what the kid is, which is a merging of both people, not just the father.
I'm getting married today! Yay!
We're not changing our names. First of all, changing your name is not easy; it's a tedious and time consuming project.
If we have children, we've discussed having our last name changed to his mother's maiden name, because otherwise it would die out.
We're not exchanging rings, either.
Anyway - don't change your name. It's not worth it, and it doesn't make "things easier" if "things" means the patriarchy, which must be continually reinforced through gender role and stereotype, then it does make things a whole lot easier.
I think it's funny when sexist men bristle if you ask them to imagine changing their last name to a woman's. Well funny in an immediate way.
I think it is totally up to the people involved. I took my husband's name when we married because I wanted to. We discussed creating a new name or hyphenating, but in the end, we agreed that I would take his name. It was my choice and he didn't campaign for it. The legal change was really easy for me - there was 1 form and a visit to pick up my new driver's license and social security card.
The harder part for me has been dealing with the scorn from some of my feminist friends. For me, the fact that I made an informed choice based on what was right for me = a feminist choice. I am a woman and I chose. For them, I have been guilty of bowing to the patriarchy...but my husband isn't "the patriarchy" and my choice for us to share a last name isn't a concession forced on me by society.
I didn't choose it because I don't like my original last name or because it was the expected thing for women to do. I chose it because it was right for me - and I think everyone should make their own choice and be respected for it.
My boyfriend and I have been talking about how to do the name change thing. I mainly want to make sure some of my kids get my last name. (I was a big fan of my dad, and he didn't have any other siblings with kids) I have one sister and a brother who doesn't intend to have kids, so I'm probably the only way the name can get passed on. My bf suggested the boys could get his name and the girls mine...great, another generation where the last name might be lost to marriage. He didn't react too keenly when I suggested the opposite, girls get his name and boys mine. We also talked about turning both of our names into one new name, but Gonzeers sounds a lot like that Muppet and Schwonzalez is even worse. :)