Whoa, I feel like I wrote this post somehow!!! I, too, am 21-years-old and was in your same position last year. I had been dating a man whom I loved for over two years whom I had met in college. Past the first year, we were considering an engagement (quite naively I might add) and thinking about getting married after college. We went to separate schools so it was long distance and we've never lived together, but we saw each other every weekend. Everyone around me was either getting married or having a baby, which to this day seems really silly to me, especially since most of them are either still in college or just graduates of high school. I am the type of person that believes someone should be somewhat financially stable with a job and settled in one place for a good amount of time before they should be making any life-long commitments such as marriage, but then I also realize that it's different for everyone.

Anywho, I was thinking about marrying the man that I was with, but then a few things happened that caused us to fall apart and our relationship to take a different turn, mainly towards a loving friendship. And throughout everything that happened I realized that marriage as a 21-year-old should not be my priority. My priority should be to have my education and self fulfillment at the very top of the list. I, too, want to go to grad school for journalism, and that means that I would have to leave my current school which doesn't provide a masters in that field. He also has dreams of going to law school. We had a mature conversation about it and realized that the dreams of marriage we had before couldn't come true if we had our dreams of a continued education, which is equally important to both of us. Then again, many individuals are capable of maintaining long distance relationships and getting married when they are capable...but then again, some aren't.

Basically, what it comes down to is that you have to do things for yourself first. When you marry, you begin a partnership where you must consider another person for the rest of your life. You have your entire life to get married and have children, why start those societal norms before your ready, simply to please others? I realized through all this that I am simply not ready to cope with having a partner for life and I'm definitely not ready to have children, not with my ambitions at stake.

One day I will settle down, but for now, I'm making a commitment to my education and future career. That's one commitment that never fails.

Hi there,

well, I must say that I have been quite shocked after reading your post. If it is normal in the US to mary that young there is really a big difference between the American and the German society where I live in.

At my country not many people marry at that age. Twenty years ago that was more common but now only immigrants and people of lower social standard marry so early.

I cannot imagine at all getting marriaged with my boyfriend at this moment. In September I am going to celebrate my 20th birthday. But really NOBODY would expect us to marry! It's just the other way around.

For now it is normal in Germany to marry with 28 up to 36 or so. Many women get pregnant with 32, 33 and even older for the first time.

For that I'm really impressed by the differences between both societies. And I really think that it is too early to marry with 21 or 22. You are still so young and I think that for women of our age the personal career and independence should be more important than marriage.

Greetings from Germany,
Yours Viktoria

Average marriage age in Canada is 27 so I can't imagine people pressuring an engagement until school is finished at least. Though people have joked about it...actually only person who's ever been serious about it was this American woman I know on a message board who half-joked if she'd hear about an engagement next year and I said no way, I have at least three years of school left and other things to do. I have a friend getting married at 20 though I can't imagine why. 21 is so young still. Do you live in an area where people get married younger?

I've graduated from college (with plans to go to law school in a couple years) and am about to move in with my boyfriend -- I have a ring, but it's not that kind of ring, I wear it on my right hand. He's already been married, and I don't believe in marriage (or breeding), but a lot of my friends from high school are doing the getting-married thing. I anticipate that after a few years of us living together, people are going to start asking why we're not married -- I'll be able to say "he makes too much money so I'd be fucked for financial aid for law school" and add "oh yeah, still don't want to get married".

Don't let people talk you into rushing things. And maybe peruse Miss Manners' columns to figure out the most effective way to shut these nosy people down. But I feel you. Although 21 is young compared to the average age of marriage in this country, I do know that in certain parts of the country, it is expected, i.e., I have a good friend from Texas, and all of his cousins were married WITH KIDS at about that age--he got married straight out of college, but since he went to law school and his wife got a masters, they put off kiddies until the ripe old age of 27. Ditto for a friend of mine in non-LA socal, who realized that all the youngish 20s in her town were either married, had children, or both. She told me that it made her "feel like an old maid." Fortunately, she moved to LA.

Stay strong with your career plans. If you two want to make a long distance relationship work, good for you. But if you still aren't quite sure how you'll feel in a few years, getting married or engaged will only cause problems. So sez this old married lady who got hitched a few months ago at 27. :)

I think we might be twins, except I'm a year younger and my second major is Literature. (And I do eventually want a kid.) My solution is just to say that I'll get married when I'm out of debt (probably never, due to student loans). It mostly shuts people up, although if people don't stop looking at my left hand after I say we've been together 5 years, I might have to kill someone.

Wow. I know this story! Where I am a graduate student/teach composition, the college culture is all focused on getting that "M.R.S." degree. Most of the undergraduate women here are under a lot of pressure to get engaged by their senior year. There are TONS of weddings the first two summers after a graduation. I have friends who went to this school as undergraduates who aren't married, and they've felt the pressure to cave in and get hitched.

It's really quite ridiculous. At 26 I'm not ready to be married. The thought of having gotten married at 21, let alone 22... 23... etc... insane. I absolutely could not have handled it. I've never understood the marriage/babies mindset. I'm not against getting married or eventually having a child, but for as long as I can remember, it has NEVER been my primary goal in life. It's always been a "that'd be nice, but what I'd really like is a PhD..." Ha.

hahaha this is me to the teeeee practically.
I'm 21 (22 next month) and I've been with my partner for over 4 years (since I was a high school senior). I'm going into my fifth (read: last) year of college with a major in Printmaking (art) and a minor in English... my partner has three brothers all of whom are or have been married, which means every time we see his parents, his mom esp, it's all when are you getting married blahblahblah. BUT it would mess up my schooling, plus I've never been into getting married. I don't need a ring (I don't like jewelry anyways!) or a piece of paper to prove that I love my partner. We've lived together for just over 2 years now and are very close, best friends as well as partners, so I don't see the point in spending money that I don't have on a wedding I don't need!

As far as the kids thing goes.... ARGH. I don't want kids. Especially not any time soon. I feel you on that one.

I know a few people who are married around my age (even younger good lord!) but they are all fundamentalist Christians, so (no offense to them) I'm guessing they just wanted to get laid haha! Cause premarital sex is against their religion right... BUT I know at least one of them is really unhappy with how things turned out, and one of my partner's brothers, who got married when he was only 19, is already divorced (5 years later)....
I think it's a wise choice to take your time and figure out what you want in life before you jump into something as long term as marriage and kids. You are a smart lady!

Well, what can I add to this discussion? Not much...

I attended an historically black university for law school and there were many women who were there for the M.R.S. degree. Bottom line: Do what YOU want because YOU are the one who will have to live with the consequences.

I know it is annoying to deal with people who don't understand you. I would suggest trying to make more friends who share your values - focusing on education and not traditional things like marriage and children (or at least those that are comfortable with the idea of delaying them). That is what I am trying to do now. I also own lots of jewelry and sometimes I wear rings on my left hand. People always take a second look and see if I am engaged. My great uncle even asked me point blank whether I was engaged. They were confused when I said no. My explanation: I own lots of jewelry and my weight fluctuates with periods and weight gain and loss efforts. I PUT THE RING ON WHATEVER FINGER IT FITS.

21 and you're already getting pressure to get married? My mother is an immigrant, back in her day, people did get married before they were 20 and started having babies at 21 but she's always told me, I'm a different breed. She's worked hard for me to go to university, for me to make my own money, to make my own way. I don't need to depend on a husband so I don't need to succumb to any husband pressure and I sure as hell shouldn't even be thinking about making babies until I have finished school and scored a decent job. And this biological bullshit should not worry you. Women are having children later and later now, in their thirties and it's fine. The only negative is that your kids won't be out of the house until your fifties. So really, 21 is a really happy age! I finished my last year of Engineering & traveled, really, enjoy it and don't worry about marriage and babies, you still have a lot of time!

I never want to get divorced so if I get married (I just might not) I will take my sweet time with it. I turned 22 this year (hey all the 1986ers!!!!) and will be starting university next year probably after I find myself or at least try to. When I look at my life plan I realise that lots of people will look down on me because I want to wait (one thing I have not waited for is sex, hehe). I don't think that's fair and I won't let them talk me into doing something I'm not ready for and neither should you. Aslong as you're happy it should not matter.
For a lot of people I know getting married did not really change a whole lot about their relationship apart from the name change. So I don't understand this obsession.

Also FU to all those people who think that getting married means you're ready to have kids! You're ready when you're ready not before!

I feel like I wrote this myself.
I am 21, going to be a senior in college (then a super senior). I live with the bf of 3 years and I couldn't be happier.
Everyone around me (my age) is getting married and/or popping babies.
Which is cool if they're into it.
Not me.
I agree with everyone commenting here, just because you have the biological means to have a baby doesn't mean you must, there are emotional, psychological and economical reasons as well.

I am lucky enough to not be pressured by anybody into getting married, if anything my family encourages the opposite, stay in school, marriage can wait, etc.

You should have a word with your friends telling them that you respect their decision to marry and have children and therefore they should respect your decisions to attend graduate school and decide that you don't want marriage or kids.

Hearing about this kind of thing really pisses me off. I Would definitely encourage you to continue doing what you want regardless of what ever pressure those around you put on you. I believe very strongly that most of the problems women face in asserting their equal and identical place in the world comes from pressures like that. I bet your bf doesn't hear as much crap about nnot being married as you do either. Yet another example of a sexist double standard.
Personally, I have no intention of ever getting married. I think its like a permit to live together, sleep together, etc. all of which are things that are no one else's concern, and totally harmless. I would have a very serious moral problem with the idea of people demanding that you get a permit to do absolutely anything that you ever want with your romantic partner. Marriage having some special meaning is no different than any other oppressive ancient tradition, except that it isn't quite gone yet.

Oh, LAWD! I tell people (I'm only 21, too) that I don't want to biologically reproduce children, and that one day I'll adopt. EVERYONE tells me the same thing they tell you: "You'll change your mind" or even, "You're going through a phase, wait till you get older." As if my feelings right now, at this moment, are not valid because of my age. And on the biological clock thing, which is absurd to say to a 21 year-old, I have been asked at 16 years old by an aunt if my maternal instincts were kicking in yet.

No one has the right to play down your opinions of marriage or child-rearing. And you probably won't change your mind, like everyone says. I know I'm not going to. But even if I did, and even if you do, it's no one else's business or privilege or right to our feelings are naive because of our age.

I'm totally with you on this one. Here's to a future generation of happily unmarried women.

Stay true to yourself!

There is a lot of pressure in this country to get married and have babies, as if that should be every woman's goal. Just remember that YOU can CHOOSE what you want to do with your life.

First, about marriage: I am married and it really didn't change much between my husband and I. Yes, it was nice (for me--but I respect people who don't want to be married) to formally acknowledge our bond and commitment, but it wasn't some magical event that changed us into a "real" couple. You have plenty of time to get married--no need to rush something that will be just as nice later (providing you feel the same way), when you don't have the added stress of getting another degree and a long-distance relationship. And, who knows? Maybe your path will lead you to someone, or something, else. And by the way, I got married at 29.

As for kids: Trust your gut. Maybe you will feel differently later, but maybe you won't. The point is, you don't feel like having them now, so don't. And it's certainly no reason to get married. Plus it would be DAMN hard to get your PhD and have a baby. There is nothing wrong with not having kids. Better not to have 'em than to have a child that you wish you didn't.

Congrats to you for knowing what you want out of your future and for having a supportive boyfriend!
I say that you are on the right track and that you really shouldn't give a flying frig what other people are doing. I recently attended a wedding of a friend of mine and am still in shock over the fact that they got married. I say that people should do what they feel is right for them and if it doesn't feel like the right time to get married to you, don't do it and don't feel bad about it either! Just know that when you choose to get married it will be because you are ready and want to do so and not because you feel some sort of societal pressure or obligation to do so.
Goodluck with your studies!
P.S history is the greatest thing since sliced bread! I wish that I had taken gender studies in University, since I am very very interested in it now!

Good for you for standing your ground and not being a sheep like so many people, and just getting married because your 'clock is ticking' or whatever. That is seriously stupid, seeing as you're 21. Isn't it like around 35-40 that your clock ticks if at all. To me 21 years old seems too young to get married and start a family, most people around that age are still trying to figure out who they are and what it all means. How can you raise another human being when you're not even sure who you are.

The reason why people believe marriage and having kids is all this wonderful thing is because most of those people couldn't find happiness with their partners, so they thought getting married and having kids would make each other be more connected and t does! because you have to!, I mean with kids and all your life is over pretty much. So I believe the way marriage works is like a placebo effect, marriage is just a party with cake and a white dress and tuxedo. That's all it is! it won't guarantee you that you will be loyal to your partner or that you will stay with him forever. If your truly happy without marriage just in a relationship, then that's fine. And if your truly happy with that person and you want to get married, then that's fine too! The marriage will work out, not because now you have rings and this contract that says your married, but because your both happy. Marriage has nothing to do with being happy. In my opinion marriage will be kind of worse because marriage immediately puts you a role.

I heard something interesting about marriage:

Men and women should wait until they are at least thirty to get married because you change alot during your twenties and find out who you are (either that or you've had time to score your degrees and a steady job). That way, when you're looking for a compatible mate, you don't have to worry about them changing all that much.

UGH. I, too, am dating my longtime high school boyfriend. It's been almost six years. We've stopped counting. We don't want to get married; neither of us are very impressed with the idea of marriage, but everyone at my new job is like, "oh, are you guys gonna get married?!?!" and I don't know how to tell them. My favorite remark has been, "...is he going to make an honest woman out of you?"

Puh-lease.

I know it's easier said than done, but don't let these people get to you.
In communities where people marry straight out of college (or sooner), not much thought is put into the decision. It's just "what you do."
A lot of these people are going to realize their mistake pretty soon. In the meantime they want to justify the correctness of their own choice, so they pressure everyone else to make the same one. Do not buy it. If these people were truly happy, they'd live and let live.
I'm 26 and I get that crap sometimes from peers and certainly from family members. I guess it makes them uncomfortable that my boyf and I have managed to stay (happily) together for six years even without a magical set of wedding rings. Whatever. You don't have to do anything to satisfy insecure, bored people like them. If you were to get married they'd immediately hop onto the "Have a baby!" train, and then it'd be "Have another baby!" Let them be busybodies and enjoy living your rich, interesting life the way you want to.

Great rant!!! =) **KUDOS**

I am 26 soon to be 27 and I agree with you, don't want kids and don't want to get married. I am too much of a free spirit to have to commit to either in my life. Be free and live free!

Stand your ground and your beliefs!

"But when I say those things, everyone just laughs and tells me i'll change my mind."

I've been told this so many times I couldn't even fathom the count. Because of course, we 'change our minds' all the time as a woman, right? And futher more, we're baby machines, right? UGH!

Thank you for the rant, you're not alone. I'm 30 and still getting crap about babies and such. UBER annoying!

There is absolutely nothing wrong with you for not wanting to be engaged right now or even if you never want it, or for not wanting kids.

My family started asking me those questions at that age because I too was still with the same guy I had been with since high school.

But here is the thing, those people that you know that are already married and having kids will start getting divorced and then people won't ask you about it as much, until you turn 30 and it starts again.

I totally understand, but I want to warn you that it isn't going to end!

I am 28. I have been telling people that I do not want to have children since I was 15. Even at 28, people still always tell me that I will change my mind. My mom even said "what if, years down the line, your husband wants a baby?"

And my mom usually knows better.

Also, I am in a serious relationship of 3 years, but I am not engaged. However, my boss recently referred to me as "practically engaged."

Congratulations to your for balancing a steady relationship and still reaching for your dreams. I was your age once (a few decades back) dating my high school sweetheart and attending college. I felt the same pressure from family and friends especially since our families were quite close (his mother and mine went to grade school together). I however, could not handle this pressure and broke off the relationship to be free to live my life and explore my dreams. I followed my dreams to graduate school and also into an abusive relationship that blossomed into an abusive marriage. For years I lived in depression and fear until fate brought my dear high school sweetheart back into my life. I have divorced my husband and currently live with the man who has always supported and respected me, the man I consider my soul mate, the man I fell in love with at the tender age of 19. Always follow your heart and to hell what the others say. Marriage, engagement, relationships they can be a prison or a paradise and the only person who can decide which is you

Oh man, I know exactly what you're talking about. My boyfriend and I have been dating for four years, and he followed me to a new city so I could start grad school. This is the first time we've lived together, and I swear, before graduation, that's all I was getting from people. "So when are you getting the ring?" "Will you invite me to your wedding?", etc etc. I'm 21 too, and I'm already getting the "why aren't you engaged yet?" garbage! Nevermind the fact that I don't want to get married, I'm perfectly happy just shacking up, but people seem to think that I'm just waiting for my boyfriend to pay off his student loans so we can spend a billion dollars on a wedding, cause that's what every girl wants right?

I have a ton of friends from high school who are married right now, and even if I end up getting a PhD (I'm going for a MSc right now), they would still considered me less successful as a woman than those girls who got married and had babies while still in their 20s. I'm one of those crazy women who decided to sacrifice happiness for career, poor me... It gets so irritating, and I hear you.

I was just talking to a friend about this. I finished my undergraduate degree last summer, and this summer alone, more than ten (I've stopped counting) of my high school friends have gotten married. I wonder if people really question it anymore; you finish high school, you go to college, you graduate... then what? Get married! It's the next step.

I can't say I get the comments all that often. My family were never the types to ask about it or pressure me (or care), and I haven't really had a long-term boyfriend in a while, but I'm sure if I were living in my tiny hometown it would come up more often. It seems, amongst the people I know, anyway, to be a function of rural areas, which tend to be more conservative and traditional, and education. And I'm not trying to imply that marriage is for the undereducated or anything. It's just been my experience that people with PhDs, or working towards them, seem infinitely more likely to introduce you to their partner than to their husband or wife.

Funny story, though. I was making my way to York University in Toronto to meet with a professor about their graduate program, and I asked a transit cop which bus to take. He started making small talk and asked why I needed to go to York. When I told him it was for information on their MA program, he asked if I hadn't really better be worrying about my MRS. I didn't even know what he was talking about at first, but then he mentioned that I should go to the University of Toronto so I could have a boyfriend in the medical program. Total stranger. What an asshat.

It's no wonder there are so many divorces in this country! Not that there aren't lots of young couples in love, but really, twenty-one is an early age to know what your life is going to be like with someone.

It's annoying that you have to go through that, but hopefully the nosy people will eventually give up on the subject and stop bothering you.

I feel like you and I are looking at two ends of the same issue. I'm about to be 20 an recognize that I am young. But at the same time I know I'm level headed and am able to understand what I want. I'm in a very committed relationship with my boyfriend of 3+ years and all the people who can sense an oncoming engagement are already saying things like "you're too young" "you don't know what you want." It drives me nuts because we go to different schools, so there's no chance of us getting hitched anytime too soon, plus it's no one's business but my own.
I say we both do what you want. I'll get married when I'm ready (too young or not) and you get married when you're ready (even if you hit the "ancient" age of 25 before you do it. OH the horror!) I know it's hard to ignore the critics, but really all that matters is that 1. you are happy and 2. you and your fellow have an understanding.

I have been married three and a half years and sometimes when people ask me how long we've been married and I tell them that they say (with a look of genuine concern in their eyes), "don't you want kids?" As if three and a half years is so long they just can't understand how we haven't procreated yet.

You can´t have the pudding and eat it - well I tried out both.
Pressure is even worse when you are married because you are supposed to behave in certain ways. So it´s hard not to be engaged but it might be harder to be married because rules are different then.
At the age of 23 I married my 5 years older high school love whom I had already dated for seven years. Everything was fine as long as I was still studying. But afterwards I was supposed to "produce" children as soon as possible and stay home; neither I did. I was offered a job in another town, took it and moved out still intending to be both: married and working. Just 6 month later my marriage ended apruptly. My husband accused me of being a career woman, not caring for him any longer, loving him no more...
Now I am 28 and living in a different relationship. We both have the same job, same amount of money, same ideas and aren´t sure about being fond of children. My divorce didn´t take place long ago. Nevertheless other people are pushing. Who´s having children next, isn´t it you? Your name´s so complicated why don´t you take your boyfriend`s soon? Is there a time we shouldn´t be on holidays next summer?...
Okay I´m a bit older but the same mechanisms are working in Germany as well at a certain time. It makes me quite angry and spurs me on at the same time to stay on my own and to speak up.
But it´s not only my private life that is affected, also couples that aren´t married are discriminated by the German tax system and that makes me angry as well.
The only bright spot on the horizon is that more and more women/couples in Germany do feel the same way. Recently a friend of mine had a baby but she didn´t marry her boyfriend before and there are some more examples.
But until now it´s still not normal. So we have to wait a little longer and set a few more examples.
For me it´s helpful to think about the reason why other people are pushing so much - they are fearful that the way of life they choose hasn´t been the best one. Because we choose something else, we automatically question what they´ve done. So they try to make sure we do the same they did. And maybe they even start thinking about it just now and get the feeling: for them it´s too late.

With the distance that comes from being 34, I can say that if you are at the point of defending your desire never to have kids, you have already taken these people's ridiculous intrusions way more seriously than they deserved. It is none of a stranger's business what your plans are and you do not owe anyone a f*ing explanation. I think to a great extent people ask these questions because they're desperate for you (and everyone else) to conform. They get uncomfortable when they encounter others that they cannot put in one of a few conventional "boxes" -- married, spinster, etc. [You may have lofty educational goals, but come on, at heart you just want to get married and have kids, right?] This is particularly true when it comes to WOMEN who can't be put in a box. That is seen as transgressive and threatening, with connotations of you-think-you're-better-than-me autonomy and sexual freedom, and we are immediately asked to defend our "choices" in a way men never are. The mistake we make is to actually indulge this idiocy and start explaining ourselves to total strangers. I think it's better to simply refuse to engage (pun definitely intended). When I was 25 and people in my office asked me (constantly) when I was getting married, I'd smile and ask when they were getting divorced. I made it sound all cute, but the message absolutely got across.

People always have to put their two cents in when it is clearly not needed. This is your life, not theirs. A lot of people think you have to be married or engaged if you are living together. Whatever.
You are young! Live YOUR life.

Stay strong and stay true to yourself!

I am just like you (24, women studies master's student and instructor) and I also have a partner and do not want children. When I am at school, we are 3,000 miles apart and we both hear it from relative and strangers alike saying "what! you don't want kids!", "what you are not getting married!" "what! You are a feminist, don't you hate men!" Ok, I don't get that last one as much, but I thought it would make you smile.

Just stay true to what you want, and what you partner wants. Do not give into what society tells you is "right" because they are trying to limit you and put you into a box. You are doing something real and true with your life, and people cannot stand it when others step outside of convention. People like boxes to put others in, it keeps them in line and not rocking the boat. Just remember, women who behave rarely make history!

So follow yourself, and never look back or have regrets. If more people would be brave like you and me, and many other posters on this board, some of the heart ache those who blindly follow convention without looking to themselves feel would be eliminated. Good luck!

It just seems to get worse as you get older, too. To add my story to the dozens of others, I'm 26 and have been dating my college sweetheart for almost 5 years. Let's see...the things we've accomplished while together: graduation from college, graduation from grad school, some very broke summers of scraping by, moving in together, a move across the country, our first years at our "career" jobs, and promotions and pay raises.

Sounds pretty amazing to me - you know, to toot my own horn. :) But everyone always asks, "When's that boy putting a ring on your finger!?" and exclaiming "I can't believe you two aren't even engaged yet!" Like our relationship status is "Teh impotant thing #1!!"

The worst is from family - always asking about weddings and grandchildren. Seriously, where's our accolades for being smart adults who chose to enjoy our youth, establish our careers, and become financially stable before deciding if we want to invest in a marriage and family?

I'm 23 years old and just graduated college, and am focusing on my job search....having to endure the, "Do you have a boyfriend?" question every couple months or so. You've hit the nail on the head for me! At the moment,k I don't, although I have in the past. Moreover, my mother was tossing out the 'it wouldn't be right if you didn't get married' remark recently. I was never one to believe my wedding would be the 'most important day of my life,' either. If it ever happens, it will simply be a day. Although, I don't know if I'll ever want to get married...not ready for such life feats when I still have maturing to do and fun to have.

As for children, I like them, in general, but I honestly cannot imagine having my own, to care for 24/7--especially in the next five years. Life circumstances have allowed me to not view raising children with the rose colored glasses many of my peers do, as I know that with all the good times comes endless life interruption, responsibility and supervision, especially in the early years of a child's life. I know this isn't for me, at least not anytime soon. Frankly, I want to get a job and enjoy my twenties. Bundles of my former high school classmates have gotten hitched this past year, and I cannot imagine being one of them. I'm not ready for the rest of my life to be set in stone, nor do I know when I will be.

I'm 21 and I have experienced similar pressures. I always seem to have people telling me that I should want to 'have babies' and that every woman hits an age where they get the 'maternal instinct' and want to have kids. But I think that is bullshit! I think babies are cute, and I love holding them, but I'm not dying to go out and have one, or the responsibility that goes along with having another being's life in your hands.
I also get irritated about the whole engagement/marriage thing. For one, I don't really believe in having a huge wedding and spending thousands of dollars on one day. And everyone I tell this to seems to think I'm sick, or that I will change my mind, because of course every girl wants the perfect wedding, right? So many traditions surrounding marriage seem to be intrinsically sexist as well. Like the woman taking the man's name, or women being given to the groom by their fathers (kind of like an exchange of property). I just don't see why everyone is in such a rush to 'tie the knot.' It seems with such high rates of divorce now, marriage isn't even regarded as being a 'forever' decision anymore, vows are broken all the time, which makes me wonder if marriage is really worth it?
Mainly I guess I'm just not interested in the whole thing, maybe that will change if I find 'the right partner,' (like everyone keeps telling me), but as for right now I'm a little skeptical.