sometimes i think im incredibly lucky to have met my fiance, dan. if someone made up a list of qualities a person should have to be a rad egalitarian partner dan would get checks next to each one.
EXCEPT, im not lucky. this isnt luck. i got thinking after reading the posts from virginblood and really, having a partner who treats you as a true equal and a real human being, that shouldnt be an exceptional thing, that should be standard. what does it even say about society that i think of myself as lucky to be treated like im a worthwhile human being? i mean, WTF.
you kno those "love is..." cartoons, the infuriatingly cliche single frame comics with the naked cartoon man and woman? well, heres "my feminist love is..."
im a childhood rape survivor, and a part of my recovery was learning to have sex in a healthy context with someone who really knew me and who i knew and trusted. well, dan was my first real long term adult relationship, which means he got to deal with my learning curve. for an entire year of our relationship we didnt have sex, we barely kissed or touched.
dan stayed anyway, becos love and sex arent the same thing.
we learned to share other activities instead, we would go to the natural market and then cook great meals, we would spend afternoons in bookstores, we would play way too much sega genesis and we would watch keith olbermann and john stewart and steven colbert together and discuss the news.
and becos of his patience i learned how to have sex, and i had my first orgasm, score! i learned that i like to cuddle and hold hands, which i always thought i hated.
our relationship isnt perfect, becos were human, were both in therapy for various issues, but we support each other in our healing.
we fight over who does the dishes like other couples too, except our fights go me: "im going to do the dishes" him: "no, ill do them" and those fights usually end up with me giving in and dan doing the dishes, cos im a good sport.
we dont have boy jobs or girl jobs we do either, we both clean, we both cook, we both do laundry, we both go grocery shopping. we're both able bodied so theres no rational reason we shouldnt both do these activities.
hes not scared of my period and has never accused me of being pms. we talk openly. if one of us is sick, the other cares for that person.
this shouldnt be exceptional, and i hope everyone who reads this can have this sort of partnership (if they desire being partnered, being single is rad too!)
sorry this is so damn long on the main page, i dont actually kno how to hide anything after the fold.
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I completely agree! I'm glad your relationship sounds so wonderful and equitable, and agree that it should be the norm rather than the exception. It really underscores how sad this society is.
I sometimes find myself congratulating people I know or people in the media for not being bigoted in various ways. But really, should people have to get a freakin' cookie for not hating me because I am a lesbian. There is something seriously wrong about this, and I stop to think about it often.
So true, why is it we should feel 'lucky' for having our partners treat us like human beings, like you said you are both able bodied why in the hell should you be the person to clean, wash dishes etc. It really does show how messed up our society is, that we should feel lucky. You know what in my situation, my boyfriend is a much much better cook than me, so why would I have to be the one to cook because I'm a woman, he's actually teaching me how to cook. Being woman does not mean that you automatically know what spices taste good on what kind of foods. Ridiculousness!
My sister asked me what I thought of her boyfriend and I told her that I'm not dazzled by him and suggested that she tell me why I should like him. The first thing she said was, "He's nice to me." I told her that that should be a given for people she goes out with. Why doesn't she get that??