I just came across an interesting post on a wordpress blog
In it a man describes his experience with witnessing a domestic violence situation. A few sections stuck out at me.
"She sat there, head bowed and still. He bent down and said something that no one else could hear in her ear. He raised himself up, standing there now two feet taller then her seated and small frame. And then he punched her squarely in the face."
"I decided I would go no further. I decided their fate was cast and they had each chosen to be who they are. I decided my life was far too valuable — to me and to my loved ones — to risk losing it on this night. “I’m going to shoot you.” The statement reverberated in my mind and brought the reality of what our society has allowed to be wroth upon our youth.""My train came moments later, and I boarded it. I seated myself and thought about how that young lady might have felt. I wondered how defenseless and minute she must have felt knowing she could be treated so badly in public, around so many people, without any help at all. I could now understand how so many young women feel these terrible young thugs own them. And I wondered how that young man could have arrived at such a corrupt mental state."
My response to this blog writer: I can tell you how it happens…people walk away when they see this stuff happen. It shows the guy that it is completely acceptable behavior and it shows the girl that no one will save her and she is stuck.
This man witnessed horrible domestic violence in public yet he did nothing, true he had his self preservation but he did not call the police and he lumped the girl in as part of the problem. Too many people see the situation in this way. Yes in the beginning of the confrontation she was fighting with him..but he quickly put a stop to that and destroyed her...and NO ONE HELPED. I have had a pit in my stomach since reading this article if this man had gotten to the point of doing this to her in public i shudder to think what he does to her in the privacy of a home. And the fact that the writer said the women had "chosen to be" who she was just saddens me beyond belief.
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Many times confrontation will escalate the situation and in fact will put the woman in more danger later on when they are alone. I'm not saying the witness was right or wrong in this situation, but see that there are many other sides to this situation. Even when women (and men) seek help, the most that can be done is a simple safty plan because many times they just aren't ready to end the cycle. In the end, the woman is the only person who can truly free herself from this situation.
I witnessed a similar situation. I didn't really *see* it, but I had a house apartment in a small town in the midwest where I had the first floor and the neighbors upstairs had the second floor. I never met them or introduced myself to them formally. One night they had a fight and I could hear the guy yelling and hitting and shoving her. At time like this, a lot of things run through your mind. Should I go up there? Should I call the cops? I probably should have in hindsight, but I kept asking myself, how will this eventually end up? Will I have actually helped to change something here or would my interference just make it worse. I was afraid that my interference would make it worse. It's a small town, no women's shelter, evrybody has a gun, the police have probably seen them before and won't do very much, a night or two an jail and then maybe guy comes out even madder and beats her even worse. The only way out would have been for me to buy her a greyhound bus ticket so that she could leave town. How do you help in a situation like this without having it backfire?
-Ben
Ben
I dont know what the best thing to do in that situation would be, especially since you only heard and didn't witness abuse. Domestic Violence is a rough situation because as femaknit stated, it is ultimately up to the victim to leave. But I don't think there is anything wrong with showing some sign to the victim that people are worried about her. The fear is, when do we become so nonchalant about the situation that all that happens when we see something as violent as the blogger did and we just get on the bus and ruminate on what the world is coming to. We have to do some type of action be it volunteering, or stepping in if we fear the person is about to get seriously injured. Many of the residents of the DV shelter I worked at, came in because their abuser was arrested and it gave them a change to get out safely before he was released from the jail.
Check out this link, it is so related and might be helpful... http://neighboursfriendsandfamilies.ca/eng/helpingabusedwomen.php
Thanks for the link Sexysmalltown femme!
To put some positiveness into this thread, my friend's sister finally moved out of the house away from her emotionally and verbally abusive fiance. She sent her brother in law and father to move her stuff out and he refused to let them step foot on the property and made her do the heavy lifting herself while verbally berating her the whole time. She said she is so glad she finally found the strength to get out of a relationship she knew was dangerous