I'm a middle-class cisgendered white male in a monogamous, heterosexual relationship. I know, great way to start a post on a feminist journal, right?
I've always thought of myself as the progressive sort, but as time goes on I'm starting to realize how much privilege has permeated my life, and how that has affected my judgements and my perceptions.
I think about the people I spent time with in high school and college. About the jokes wrought with racism, classism and sexism that were "okay, because we don't really mean it". I don't want to get into it, but the drill's pretty familiar. Rationalization is great: it's okay to be wildly offensive and make light of other people's trauma because hey, it's just a joke. Makes everything aaaall better, right? Yeah, right.
Even now though, it's important to me, to recognize that no matter how much I educate myself, I will always have the life experience of somebody who is privileged, and not somebody who's been oppressed.
I've been nervous about posting in the Feministing community for some time. I'm constantly worried that what's going to come out of my fingertips is going to be something with an assumption tucked into it, some point of view inexorably tied to the life experiences I've had, and will continue to have no matter how loud I cry that it's foul play, or how far I go in trying to reject it.
You may be wondering where I'm going with this. I've been thinking the same thing. What I've come to is this. If I don't speak up, I can't offend anybody, but those notions that are pressed into my neurons may take forever to be found and cleaned up.
I'm sorry if this comes off sounding like a crutch. I don't mean to come off sounding like I'm expecting to come out here, penis blowing proudly in the breeze until somebody tells me to put it away. I do try. I fundamentally believe that all people should be treated as people. That everybody deserves to be treated as a human being, regardless of gender identity, mode of dress, chromosomal make-up. That nobody should be elevated above or pushed below another person except by how they treat others. That when a crime is committed, it is the criminal who chooses to commit the crime, and not the victim who causes the crime to be commited; and it is not simply that the victim has suffered a crime. That you cannot expect, after centuries of privileged behavior, to just say "okay, everybody has to be treated the same now" and expect that it works that way. We cannot stand idly by and say "Well, there are non-discrimination laws, so that means there's no discrimination. Obviously these people who have been oppressed for generations are just not as good as us privileged folk." That women have the right to decide what they do with their bodies, without the interference of doctors and pharmacologists who have moral objections. This list is not comprehensive, but I could be here a while if I don't trail this off now.
Possibly I am rambling, so here is the bottom line. I have things to say. I want to contribute. I do not mean to speak in such a way that I exert privilege, but I also recognize that I haven't figured out all the ways in which that happens. And if it happens, I really do hope that you'll call me on my bullshit.
Thank you.
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Thanks for posting. I'm always glad when a male 'comes out' of the feminist closet! It gives me a lot of hope.
Welcome Kelbesque! And good luck continuing down your feminist path...
Yay! You can be a feminist and imperfect at the same time. I know I am both.
You don't have to apologize for being white, or middle-class, or a guy - it's not a bad thing, and the fact that you recognize that it influences your point of view is fantastic.
Thank you for hearing what we have to say, and please, please, please share your opinions with us! We want to hear them.
Don't worry, you'll get called out if it's necessary. And thanks for the laugh at "penis blowing proudly in the breeze"
I second what everyone says. I encourage you to speak up because many times until you do, the little privileges you have that you don't realize you have may go unnoticed. I have a lot of privilege myself (race, hetero, cis, class) that I am working on as well and starting to post on these blogs was a big help for me in recognizing that. I received excellent feedback, was challenged in my views and it also helped me realize just how used to I was to having my voice heard above others and that was a big learning experience for me.
I actually just blogged about privilege as well (little shameless self promotion)
http://mzbitca.wordpress.com/
thanks for posting and welcome!
seriously, being born with privilege isn't something you have to apologize for. you just have to do the best you can to examine privilege and to keep an open mind. you can't erase it, but you can approach issues thoughtfully and listen to what others who may not have the privilege in question have to say.
people here are generally very nice, even when calling someone out, so fear not.
Post here anytime! It's obvious your heart is in the right place. You shouldn't apologize for your privilege, especially when you realize that you are subject to it. I have to say, your post has really warmed my heart. I've read about so much misogyny the past week, it's good to see that there are men who do respect women and see the oppression and not argue that feminism is dead to humanism, (I get that argument all the time). So I'll come out and say, thank you for posting.
Thanks for the post, it was great. Please speak up even when it's against the grain, another point of view is rarely a bad thing (and who knows, the time may come when you need to call us out on our bullshit). Keep posting.
Hear, hear. I'm on board with the other feminists here. It is so heartening to see a male feminist who cares about women's rights and respects females as human beings. Please don't be afraid to post here!
The thing to remember is that MOST people have SOME kind of privelige. (I know, out there, there is a minority female lesbian transgender who has a disability).
Whether it's their gender, perceived or actual ethnicity/race (I say perceived because although I'm hispanic, people perceive me as white so I do have white privelige), their ability, their economic background, their educational opportunities, their heterosexuality, their bio-gender matching their mental-gender, etc etc etc.
Having privelige doesn't make you a bad feminist or a bad person, so you should get rid of that guilt.
The most important thing, IMO, is to be an advocate and stand up for those without. ESPECIALLY as a person coming from the majority groups. If a woman says something's sexist or if a minority says something is racist, then people act as if we have chips on our shoulders or we're a crazy feminazi blah blah blah. But if a white male calls someone out on the same things, they'll probably be taken more seriously, you know?
Or you'll get harassed endlessly and called lots of names. :D
I look forward to reading your posts and comments in the future!
Thanks for the post. I am also pleased to hear from another male feminist and I hope you continue to post and comment.