Cross-posted (slightly edited) to The Mind of Genevieve
So, I read a lot of blogs, mostly of the feminist/progressive sort. And being an observant person, I've come to see a lot of the same sort of behavior from 'dissenters' in comment threads. One of the most common patterns:
Feminist [/anti-racist/fat activist/LGBT rights] Blogger: This degrades women [/people of color/fat people/LGBT people]
Privileged Trolls: Nuh-uh ! My fiancee[best friend/co-worker/brother]'s a woman[/black/fat/gay], and [sie]'s not offended by it!
It's really, really easy to scoff at this kind of crap. Possibly because we see it all the time. People don't like having their privilege called into question, so whenever anyone does, they have to assert that we're all talking out of our asses so that they can go on mindlessly consuming their various forms of pop culture in peace.*
So, I have varying levels of in-head meanness towards these trolls, and from meanest to nicest (and even my nicest isn't totally nice):
Level One: You're lying. You don't have a black friend, or a fiancee, or a fat co-worker, or a gay brother. You are making these people up to make yourself look good, and popular, and employed, and loved, when in reality you are none of these things.
Level Two: You're still lying, but you might actually have these people in your life. You have just either, a. not asked them their opinion on the issue; or b. you've asked them, and they have disagreed with you, but you're still using them anyway to make yourself look good.
Level Three: You're not lying. You have these people in your life. You've asked them their opinions, and they've said they agreed with you. But they're lying. You see, a few months ago, I wrote this . And it's an angry rant, but once you get through all the anger, it boils down to:
"I guarantee at least one woman in your life has been touched by this. And why don't you know about it? Because they can't trust you to know. Because they know what sort of person you are. You'd just laugh."
Yeah. I was talking about rape survivors there, but it can apply here too. They're offended all right. But they'd never trust their offense in your hands, because they know you'd dismiss them as sad and pathetic. (And yeah, there are a ton of people in my life I can't trust my history with.)
And finally...
Level Four: You're not lying. They're not lying. They're really not offended by whatever The Blogger is offended by. For whatever reason, they just ain't. But the person in your life is not the only person of their sex/race/weight/sexuality out there. They are not a spokesperson for their 'group.' And sorry to say this, but by making them such, you are treating them as a Type rather than as a Person, and you are othering them. (Told you the nicest response wasn't all that nice.) And consider that just because you can find one woman/black person/queer person/transgendered person/fat person who agrees with you, does not mean that other people's opinions are not legitimate.
Does not mean that the blogger's opinion isn't legitimate.
So in conclusion...check your privileges. Don't assume that the people you know are representative of their entire 'group.' Don't invent fake people. And don't be such a fucking moron. Honestly.
(Oh, and what were the inspirations for this?
- This old thread at The Curvature , which I read through last night.
- This essay of Katha Pollitt's criticizing Katie Roiphe's book The Morning After
- The 'Feminism and Music' post from fellow Feministing Community Blogger Dreadheadmags, which I currently am having issues accessing)
*That isn't to say that you can't listen to/watch/play/read things which could offend people. If that were the rule, there would be very few acceptable things out there, which could be for the better, but . Here I am listening to AIC's 'Dam That River,' and here's some of the lyrics: " i burned the place around you/i hit you with a rake/you piss upon my candle/so proving you're a fake ." Not exactly wonderful, right? Yet, somehow, I love AIC. Lovedthem for over five years. I know they'll never be the wonderful woman-positive band I dream of--I have other bands for that, namely Sleater-Kinney, Bikini Kill, The Gossip...et cetera. It's okay to like things that aren't perfect. As long as you can analyze that they aren't. Appreciate it...with a critical view, rather than just saying, "well, I like it, so it can't be bad, so all of you are stupid fat bitches!" And yeah, I take a harder line on some things (TV and video games) more than I do on others (books and music) simply because I am an audiophile and a bibliophile, books and music are much more important in my life than TV and video games. Super-popular-but-offensive TV shows or games will annoy me not only because they're offensive...but because of their annoyingness and ubiquity as well. And that's just me.
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I love this post. I hate people who tout one friend, or even a group of people, who don't find something offensive as reason why it's not offensive. Hell, I've been offended by sexism from women tons of time, I don't care if your girlfriend doesn't find your sexism offensive, it's still sexist and that means I get to find it offensive.
Also: Some people suffer from prejudice and discrimination less. I'm more sensitive than my best friend because, while we've arguably suffered the same amount of sexism, I've suffered homophobia on top of it and that's made me more aware of bigotry in general. And even if I wasn't gay, I'd still likely be more sensitive because that's just how I am. People who live in different areas, come from different classes, go to different schools, are different ages, etc are all going to have different experiences, which will inform how sensitive people are. The fact that the minority person doesn't care is likely a sign of their privilege.
Well, either that or they're either apathetic to or ignorant of the fact that they are discriminated against because of their race/religion/gender/sexuality (mostly for gender on the ignorance, anyway) every time someone makes one of those jokes.
One that I think you may have forgotten (I'm watching Olympic volleyball at the same time so forgive me if I just didn't see it): They have talked to their minority friend about it and their minority friend has disagreed with them but they dismissed and ignored what this friend had to say, in the exact same way that they are dismissing or ignoring people saying it on the Internet where you and I read it. For a lot of these people, even being smacked in the face with it wouldn't convince them because they are already so convinced that they are RIGHT.
Wax_ghost--
Yeah, that is one more level that I didn't think of yet. It's can be funny seeing this line of rhetoric used...their point is to make themselves sound like they care about other people, even though they don't.
As a privileged person I'm offended by this, you act like we're out of touch and throw our own shit at our servants.
Great post. I hate it when trolls infest the comments on this and other sites.
All right Chauvinist, judging by the comments you've made elsewhere I'll assume you're not being sarcastic. And I would like you to know that I have reported your behaviors to the blog admins.
And I will therefore say that yes, I do think privileged people can be very out of touch, because they have that option available to them. They can be jackasses, and it will not have nearly the adverse societal effect on them that it would on someone lacking their privilege.
As for throwing your shit at your servants...um, not always, but yeah, sometimes you do.
To GenevievePlusCourageuse
Re Chauvinist
The blogger who identifies himself as "Chauvinist" is an interesting character. The comments which he makes are always offensive and anti-feminist. Doesn't the choice of name say a lot? However he obviously identifies himself as "privileged". Even so, in coming onto a feminist website to deliberately make such comments, he is revealing insecurities about his own perception of himself, but hides behind his agendea of being anti-feminist, constantly trying to convince us all that HE represents mainstream thinking, and don't you whining feminists forget it!!! Why would a man who is comfortable with himself, other men, women and the world in general bother to do this? Chauvinist, if you want to have an intelligent, well-reasoned debate on an issue, that's fine. No-one here is saying we all have to agree. But your comments are deliberately designed to be as offensive as possible. What's your real problem, Chauvinist?
AliCat--
It's especially interesting that he's trolling on a post about trolls.
GenevievePlusCourageuse --
LOL!!!! Yes it is, but I doubt that he would see himself as a troll, even if pointed out. He's on a mission.
AliCat--
The idea of trolls on missions is far too reminiscent of Dungeons and Dragons.
This is a great article and true on so many levels. I also went back and read the post you wrote a few months ago and was really touched by it. I completely understand that feeling and sometimes I want to scream at people but usually just boil over inside while trying to maintain my composure on the outside. *Hugs*