Don't feel bad about this. When I get that sort of harassment, it tends to be drive-bys so I never get a chance to respond. It always gives me a chill down to my bones to be treated like that. My body is not here for men to comment on. I'm not here to entertain, titillate, amuse, or otherwise sexually stimulate them. I am not here to be walked on because I have breasts and a vagina.

Keep going, keep doing this. Men need to hear this, because no they are not being cute or complimentary. They are being abusive assholes and they need to know we don't appreciate it or want it.

You are my own personal hero for doing exactly what I wish I had the courage to do; who knows, maybe next time, because of this post, I will find that courage.

I think men [or whoever] absolutely need to hear loud and clear and in terms that they understand that their actions are unacceptable and could come with consequence. Honestly, that is one of the things that I think enables men to harass women; they perceive it as a consequence-free way to assert power over someone. After all, it's unlikely that there will be retaliation, and certainly not physically.

For you to have your space and autonomy threatened by this person, even if it is a non-physical encounter, can be very violating. I think it's a pretty decent tactic to violate them right on back, whether it be verbally, a threat of physical action, or just encroaching on their space. As long as we all realize that violence is not the answer in most circumstances, and don't randomly go around perpetrating violence against people, it can be empowering to use violence or threats of violence to counter what is essentially violence against you. I perceive leering and distasteful comments as a violent act, I really do.

You might want to stay away from explicit threats, just to be safe, maybe more along the line of "a statement like that can be interpreted as a threat and I am more than fucking capable of flattening you if you try anything."

So that way the threat is contingent on him doing something bad.

But I know how both good/bad it feels to really chew someone out when they deserve it.

That was awesome! I'm close to the same size you are and if I could pull off that sort of thing I would!

Problem is, I'm not good at quick-witted comebacks. I'd be so pissed off that it would take me a good five or ten minutes to clear my head and come up with a good response.

Yay! I LOVE women like this! We need a whole freakin army. Patriarchy would be history!

I understand what its like to have to expose yourself like that and risk ones body on the line. I exercise to build muscle and have taken self-defense classes. I'm also looking to take gun lessons. Its not right to have some gorilla dude think he can say or do whatever he wants because hes taller, bigger, whatever. All misogynists are asses that can be put down. I've never gotten into a fight (however I know of it happening) other than verbal, but I'd rather be prepared than defenseless. Society can be heartless to those supporting womens rights and respect in this country.

Good job! Don't feel bad.

Let me ask you a question. How many times do you think men go up to strange men talking some shit or asking stupid questions and invading personal space?

The truth of the matter is this. Most guys tiptoe around other guys to avoid offending anybody's sensibilities. But as soon as they see a lone woman, they think it's Christmas time.

The thing is these types of guys think they have nothing to lose by disrespecting a female though.

Could he see that you weren't looking his way. Yup. Could he see that you were just wanting to get into your car. Yup. Did he care? No.

If these types don't want to see us as individuals with feelings, then what else can we do?

And as far as neighbors, et. al, people just aren't used to women standing up for themselves. Simple as that. Not your problem.

I hope I can be so bold as you next time. I'm disgusted by how many times I've scampered away with my tail between my legs because I was afraid of a confrontation.

I know what you mean about feeling like you aren't really a violent person, but to me, this is equivalent to someone attacking you and you fighting back just to defend yourself. So you're still not a violent person, if you ask me.

I think what you did was awesome. That is, unfortunately, the language that men seem to speak. He heard you for saying it that way.

We can try and dismantle that BEING the way men speak to each other, but within the current structure... I think it was totally appropriate.

I agree with whatsername that the message and manner that katems delivered it (up front, unapologetic) is an effective way of interupting the system that insulates and coddles the harasser because it puts the woman on the same level as the man. This upsets the unexamined perception that the man has developed that she is simply a silent object that makes for a convenient target and should take whatever is tossed at her when the mood strikes him. Many women are indoctrinated to not see themself on the same level as the transgressor and so they overlook the opportunity to put him down.

I'd get shot if I talked to anyone like that in my neighborhood.

I mean, good for you for standing up for yourself, but be careful of where you are. People who hang out outside of liquor stores aren't the safest bunch in the lot.

So, awesome that you never take crap from anyone. I think it's important for anyone to stand up for themselves, but especially women and in particular smaller women. I see it with my more petite friends all the time, leering men, catcallers, etc just feel like they have even more power over them because of the physical thing.

If you are concerned about truly scaring people you love and respect and about restoring to threats of explicit violence, maybe your problem is just that right now you have only two settings - off and HOLY CRAP ON. Maybe you need more like 4 or 5 settings to be selected based on the situation.

A calmly stated threat or short and sweet point often accomplish a lot more (or at least no less) that a scary yelling.

lol... I *never* end up "feeling like a hypocrite for expressing my feminism in a way that was laced with violent threats."

Are you kidding me??? Violence is the only language men understand. We *have* to dish it back out at them. Otherwise they walk all over us and do it again.

This reminds me of a boss who sexually harassed me and then did a lot of crazymaking so I couldn't think or see straight (you know, the kind where they get creepy but not direct, and if you say something you're overreacting, or misinterpreting; but if you don't say anything, then the problem doesn't exist and you didn't speak up soon enough so you have no credibility... and if you assume anything about his intentions you're paranoid, but if you say you didn't want to assume anything you must be lying because no one is that naive or you should have known better and therefore you were asking for it, etc., etc., etc.!!!).

He was describing a woman he knew as a "total wimp". I met her and she was the sweetest, kindest, nicest person ever (in fact, the only person showing up in the office where I worked who treated me with respect). So right then, I knew what kind of person he was. And men who harass you are *all* that kind of asshole.

I think it's about confidence and not so much the fact that men think you will fuck them up. They're not used to being called on their actions, because most of the time women will sulk/hurry away, making them feel good and manly about themselves. Good for you. I wish I did this when I get harassed when alone. If I'm not in a visibly public place (other bystanders) I don't engage.

Dominique brought up a good point. I hate it when you meet some new guy who tells you that, "that woman over there is a total bitch," ect, only to find out hes simply an asshole who doesnt like her because she doesnt let him walk all over him. You wonder how many people these assholes tell about "that woman over there" and how they unquestioningly believe him, and how does this affect her impression/reputation at work. This can happen, even without her even having the slightest clue.

I think its also important to remember that you can be a Tank Girl who wins every physical/verbal confrontation, but it still isnt a compensation for a feminist MOVEMENT. One is not enough.