Well, now.
So this new job at a restaurant which I've recently signed on to, has enlightened me as to how different it is to have men as your working superiors than it is to have women. I've worked for women who were amazing and inspiring, and truly good employers, and I have worked for women who are awful. So men certainly don't have a monopoly on treating their employees like shit. However, this is much different than anything I've experienced under even the most difficult female employers.
So, like I said, I started at this restaurant, here in New York. My roommate got me the job, because she is acquaintances with one of the managers. I probably should have realized this job was not for me, when he inquired about my breast size to her over the phone, "Does she have big boobs?" Answer, no. I took the job anyway, because I need money. Even though I knew I was walking into douchebaggery.
I did not hide this blip of conversation from the other coworkers. They would ask me what I thought of him, and I would say, "Not really sure yet. Before agreeing to hire me he asked my roommate about my breasts. So I can't say that that left a good taste in my mouth." Everyone responded that this was typical, and he was known amongst the other servers and hosts and bussers, as "the asshole."
Speaking of bussers, the amusing part about this whole thing was that I was warned by other people working at the restaurant that all the "Mexican bus boys will hit on [me] and probably sexually harass [me.]" (Interesting how these grown men are referred to as bus "boys." Sort of how Black men were always called "boy" by white men and women, no matter how old they were for a long time, and even still in some places in the country. The all-Latino, male bussing staff at this place are never called "bussers" or "bus men" by anyone else besides me at this joint.) None of these men have harassed me, not yet. I've only felt uncomfortable because of my sex by this white dude who's my manager.
So this manager, he talks about everyone behind his or her backs, including me, obviously. On the topic of this coffee shop which he is opening as an owner, my roommate suggested that he give me some shifts at this new place (which happens to be in my neck of the woods in Brooklyn.) To that suggestion he replied, "Ah, I don't know if I can work with her more. She's such an annoying feminist."
Well, now. I've never discussed politics or gender theory with him before. So the only way he could understand that I am a feminist is probably through the grapevine, i.e., that word got back to him that I was not happy with his "big boobs?" remark. Thus, I am an annoying feminist.
He flirts with me all the time, always telling me that I look nice or "good." And I knew he fancied me because he, again, told my roommate, "She looked good today. No, I mean, really good." I never flirt back with him. Probably a blow to his ego, and his power trip of being manager. Today when he played a mean trick on me, I called him a jerk, and didn't bow down to his Excellency of managing an unremarkable restaurant. He told me, "You're not doing a whole lot to impress the powers at be here."
I have heard all about the glass ceiling. But this is a restaurant, for fuck's sake. I'm just trying to make some cash to support myself while in school. I'm not even aiming for the upper echelons of manager title to work alongside this imbecile. Is it so much to ask to be respected in the workplace? Despite that he is a man and earns more money than me? Obviously, my sex and my class have everything to do with this. He cannot impress me sexually. So he asserts his power by reminding me that he is "the power at be." He is shocked that someone like me is not intimidated by him and demonstrates it upon his remarking to others such things about which only he should be embarrassed.
So for that, he writes me off as an "annoying feminist" and denies me a job.
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Sounds like an immature fuckbag, you should find a new job.
I just love how some people are total assholes and then act like you're the one with the problem. It's like they see the world through special douchebag goggles or something.
Any witnesses? You could have a lawsuit (but it can't be based on hearsay)
If you have people who are willing to testify (probably your roommate?) sue his ass. Document everything and sue him now. It couldn't hurt to at least talk to a lawyer for some legal advice as to what you could do.
Leave and quickly. He appears to be a jerk who gets off on his power. Don't bother suing. It will end up a waste of your time and money and only embitter you. Only on extremely rare occasions does suing work and you don't have enough actionable offenses for suing to be effective in this case. The best thing to do is to get out now before you really get your feelings hurt and end up bitter over the episode.
Eek...I would say find a new job asap!
That's the worst thing about sexual harassment: unless it's completely gratuitous, you have no case. And to qualify as gratuitous, he would have to put it in writing that he won't give you a job unless you fuck him, or something equally obvious.
I once worked at a place where the manager told us about his sexual exploits -- which included fucking his girlfriend so hard that she cracked her head on the bed's headboard. Charming.
Wow...
He is a jerk, and most likely legally out of line as well, but why would you take the job after the boob question? I know how much it sucks looking for work, but I would eat cat food for months before I willingly put myself in a place where I knew an overtly sexist jerkwad would have authority over me.
(disclaimer- I am a privileged person whose male bosses have been wicked awesome. I am sorry if I am not using appropriately sympathetic language.)
d anna- I hope my earlier comment doesn't look like I'm blaming you- not my intention. Sounds like a no-good situation and I hope you get out soon.
I agree, find another job. Sounds like a misogynist pig. And what he has said is actionable. Document every comment he makes to you or anyone else. Is anyone willing to back you up? You don't need that garbage.
Unfortunately, more of this is happening in the workplace. I was talking to an acquaintance who works for a fortune 500 company, which is mostly male. She said the men would talk to her boobs and she said talk to my face. My boss makes sexist comments. Luckily other coworkers have banded together to take a stand.
Good luck and stand your ground!