On the streets of India romantic exchanges are rare and generally restricted to the private realm of the household. This is because dating is discouraged between youth, as most will enter into arranged marriages. This past January I was able to learn more about arranged marriages and the counterculture through my university's Women's Studies trip to India. My experiences allowed me to learn about gender relations in India while visiting various women's organizations. One of the main connections many people make with India is that of arranged marriage. Today it is still widely practiced through family arrangements and matrimonial advertisements, both in newspapers and online . However, views on the concept are shifting.
"Arranged marriages worked well in Indian society for a long time, and gave a very stable structure to the civilization here. But now as times have changed, so have the attitudes about marriage in India. Now marriages are not looked upon [primarily] as a union of two families, but also two individuals and their personal space. It is a big change for Indian social mentality. Though the number of arranged marriages dominates here, people are now open to relationships and love-marriages too."
-Anujna Dnyaneshwar, Young Indian feminist and guide on Women's Studies Study Abroad
Vandana Kulkarni (a coordinator on my trip and a woman I deeply respect) is a founding member of "Saath Saath ," which is Marathi for "being together." Saath Saath is an organization which encourages Indian youth to think and discuss issues pertaining to marriage. Within this group many couples have met and married based on companionship, although it is not essentially a dating service. It serves as a "forum [which] consciously studies the marriage system and the societal approach to marriage in relevance to the Indian culture and social system, the 'Kutumb Sanstha' ." Common problems before and within marriages are discussed as well as the importance of equality between partners. This type of organization is not found in North America, and is one of the first of its kind in the state of Maharastra in India. It seems our culture could benefit from studying aspects of marriage, learning about what marriage entails before jumping right in.
Feminist philosophy worldwide has instilled a sense of gender equality in many women. However this sense of equality needs to be taught to men as well as women if social change is desired. Society's expectations have taught many women to espouse a superwoman complex and attempt to be both a model housewife and high achieving career woman with the contract of marriage. But this is not possible without a contributing partner (whether male or female). The family is where a child is taught about societal expectations, and this is where equality between the sexes can begin. Saath Saath is an organization which is beginning to guide both women and men onn the path of gender equality.
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Good post!
have you seen the movie "Monsoon Wedding"? It touches on the issue of arranged marriage along with several other issues that one may not expect in a movie from India.
In my area, near a large software company (you know, the first one that comes to mind), there are a lot of people from India here on work visas for software development. It is very interesting- there are Indian women who work there, and they tend to wear American style dress and follow more American customs for dating. Many of the Indian men go back to India to have an arranged marriage and then bring their new wives back to America, where their wives wear very traditional Indian clothing. According to one of the Indian women I spoke to who is working there, you can tell which women are here as software developers and which are here as wives based on how they dress, and they never mix socially. At company events, they stay on separate sides of the room and don't really seem to see eye to eye. So there are quite a few arranged marriages in my neighborhood. Very interesting.