From Tacori.com, The Tacori Gentlemen's Guide to Engagement.
The Gentlemen's Guide begins innocently enough. "Getting engaged is one of life's biggest milestones and you want to do it right," the site declares. It's a sentiment which I can agree with, and which probably applies to many. Clicking forward to the "guide" itself, I am faced with a page dotted with solid blue circles, each with a title, such as, "What Women Want." I can already feel myself getting mildly irate, as I have yet to see that particular phrase used in a non offensive manner. This time is no different. Moving my cursor over the, "What Women Want," icon displays four options: "Designer vs. Generic," "Her Ring, Her Style," "The Surprise vs. The Plan," and "A Symbol of Love." Clicking on these displays four short videos, featuring either a woman who talks with her hands way too much, or a man who also uses his hands more than necessary, while speaking in clipped, somewhat aggressive tones. The videos are all very short, and essentially try to guilt trip guys in to spending a fortune on an engagement rings at the Tacori store. (I know, big surprise there, right?) What I found most annoying however was not the pushy sales tactics, but all of the damn generalizations and sexist stereotypes.
The icon titled, "The Proposal," allows us to click upon a video about, "Fulfilling Her Dream." Here, the angry man tells us how all women have been dreaming about getting engaged since they were little girls. Blegh. He also explains how all women are hysterical, lovesick little bitches and all men are insensitive clods, and implores the guys to step it up and make it memorable and romantic. The next video, "The Surprise," tells us that no matter what it will be a romantic surprise, but that men need to make it extra romantic and surprising, so that she'll "remember" it. In all of the clips, a huge emphasis is put upon what she can "tell her friends," ostensibly to make them envious, and how it needs to be "memorable and romantic," so that she will remember it, and will continue to tell her friends about it, even after you have left her for your new secretary, who will get a Tiffany's ring.
After watching a myriad of videos featuring the hand talkers, I took the "Find Her Ring Style" Quiz. Let's just say that the gaudy chunk of sparkles that they declared to be my style didn't quite fit the bill.
I am not at all surprised that I found the web page for Tacori engagement rings to be sexist, although it was slightly worse than expected. While I didn't expect to get any sort of an education while looking at the site, I was a bit baffled by how often the Tacori spokespeople felt the need to declare the obvious (Check out, "The Rock," "Why A Diamond?"). I think the most interesting part of the whole web site however, was how it made me seriously reconsider engagement and all of the stereotypes and expectations that go along with it. I can tell you right now that due to the sexist drivel that was spewed on the Tacori web site, I will not be purchasing anything from them in the future, no matter how much jealousy I want my friends to feel.
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This is actually funny to me. I did want an engagement ring, but that's as traditional as my proposal got. We technically got engaged over the phone (Him: Do you think you'd want to marry me? Me: Some day, I guess. Him: Do you want to get engaged, like, now? Me: Umm, sure?) My SO and I picked a ring together (not a diamond) because he wanted to get me something he knew I liked. I offered to get him an engagement "something" but he declined.
I didn't want a story to tell my friends and family. I wanted to be with my SO. I love my lack of story. :)
I don't know about anyone else, but all that stuff considered "romantic" makes me feel really uncomfortable and somewhat nauseated. I'd be perfectly happy if someone asked me to marry them any random time of the day. I hardly need an expensive dinner and a moonlight walk on the beach. In fact, I think if that happened, I'd have to reconsider my future with that person. I think it sucks for men in that they are expected to do everything; I would take it upon myself to ask a man for his hand if it's what I wanted.
I think it sucks for men in that they are expected to do everything;
haha. Thanks for having some empathy/sympathy on the matter.
I think a Guide like this (minus the pushy sales technique_ could be helpful to Guys who are going to get married. There might even give financial tips like "Save Now, so you can buy the Engagement Ring". I think that a lot of men are apprehensive about the whole proposal-wedding tradition, I mean there's the responsibility of popping the question, all in the correct environment and mood, then getting the engagement ring, which, to the average person, is akin to the price of laptop or even car. And to add to that the wedding day, which is really more about the bride anyway. If there such a Guide to help me in picking an engagement ring, as in giving some information about the 4 Cs, designs, etc....I'm sure that would be a good thing and help lower the stress (emotional or financial) for any guy who is about to get one.
Reading the bit on engagement rings in 'full frontal feminism' made me realise, I don't want one.
I don't need a bit of sparkle to show the world I'm 'owned' by a man and I sure as hell don't wish to bankrupt any bloke for a bit of sparkle!
The whole thing is a bit sickening really, surely getting engaged should be about love and not how much you can spend/get spent on you. Blergh. Plus that is one fugly ring!
..."surely getting engaged should be about love and not how much you can spend/get spent on you. Blergh."
Hear, hear! I'll add that, imo, same goes for weddings. The marriage is what matters, not some insane and expensive wedding.
My husband proposed to me in our bath/laundry room while I was dressed in ratty old crap clothes, with an inexpensive amber (one of my fav "gems") and silver ring. A personal symbol of love, not a need to show off or announce ownership, as it was not a traditional, hey-look-at-me-I'm-engaged ring.
Our wedding cost us almost nothing. Close friends and family, about 10-15 people. The ceremony took place in the meditation/whatever garden in a local cemetery, with a justice of the peace, followed by cake (from a supermarket), champagne and goodies at my grandma's house. It couldn't have been better. :) A happy marriage (9 years so far!) is damned well doable without all the crazy wedding bullshit.
I say save your money, if you have it, and put a down-payment on a house or whatever instead!
As ElleStar said, "I didn't want a story to tell my friends and family. I wanted to be with my SO. I love my lack of story." Right on.
This frustrates me alot... my husband and I got engaged last July and were married this July... and through the entire process of planning the wedding people kept trying to check my hand and also ask how we were engaged.
I did not want an engagement ring nor a fancy proposal. We came to the mutual agreement to get married... in the car... on the way from the grocery store ;) and then we purchased wedding rings for each other for our ceremony... which was a but lavish.
What I found interesting was, how when I would explain this, the women (never men, obviously) would give me an insanely sympathetic look like I was missing out on romance or something... and I started feeling bad for my husband... I would even get comments that seemed to hint that maybe he didn't have enough money to buy me one... he certainly did... but I was the one that wasn't interested. Even when I would say that I chose not to have one, it seemed like many of the women asking me just thought I was backing him up...
I thought that I was helping him out, for lack of a better way to put it, by not burdening him with purchasing an expensive ring as well as not having to, as timothy put it, have "responsibility of popping the question, all in the correct environment and mood".... but it just seemed to come off to other people that he wasn't as good of a fiance as he should be to me...
What other reason is there to get an engagement ring other than to put your relationship status on display? If my boy ever proposes, I hope he saves his money instead of blowing it on something sparkly that's a "symbol of our love". I personally think its way more romantic to get engaged with without all the ring nonsense.
I think if I get an engagement ring it will have to be one of those ones where they take a bone sample from each partner and cultivate bone tissue from the sample into a ring shape for the other partner.
But I am just creepy like that.
FuckDecaf: I just read a book called "Jewels", one of the things they mentioned was what you just described! It's very interesting! :)
On another note about stupid and sexist ring ads... I keep seeing advertisements on buses... they're a plain black background w/ a diamond that says one of these following 'witty' (gag) numbers:
"Weekend in Las Vegas? We have a Diamond for that!"
"Sleeping on the couch? We have a diamond for that!"
"Lucky Girl! Does your diamond say that?"
"Oh la la! Does your diamond say that?"
"Just bought a dog together? We have a diamond for that!"
The list goes on and on... but I remembered those at the moment...