That's utterly ridiculous. I've run into that before...most of the time when my fiance and I go out they hand him the check or thank him, when I'm the one paying. We usually split our dates, I take him out sometimes and he takes me out, but it's sad how people in the food business associate the money with the man.

Something like this happened to me around January. I had previously purchased an xbox 360 elite with a few games. I don't remember all that I bought but it totaled to about 800$. Well, the system was broken and I went to the store to return. My fiance went with me since we were going out after. At the customer service desk the WOMAN turned and spoke with my fiance the entire time when I was speaking directly to her. My fiance, obviously uncomfortable, kept turning towards me and tried to pull the woman's attention towards me, but she practically ignored me! Now... I could say that the woman thought I was his daughter, but that would be a stretch. I'm only 5 foot and my fiance is easily 6 feet 5 inches, but I was the one who opened the conversation, addressed her, and told her about the xbox.

The worst thing of all is that when she finished with the refund she handed the envelope of cash TO MY FIANCE! I took it from him and told her that the xbox and the money were mine as I told her before. I couldn't help it , but I was really pissed. I wonder if she thought it was his because it was a video game system... what women can't play Halo? Give me a break on this one.

This kind of thing has happened to me numerous times before, many of which were with a certain ex who is about the same age as me, an inch shorter, and at least 40 pounds lighter than me. I've always been kind of appalled but not really known what to say, other than a pointed "Actually, that's mine" when they try to hand it back to him.

At least your boyfriend realized and acknowledged how ridiculous it was.

Was the waiter older? Was he actually Italian? I'm thinking there's some kind of generational or cultural gap there (my grandfather's from Italy, so it wouldn't shock me if this were the case - especially if it were age).

kmackleberry - I've felt similarly in video game stores, though nothing that specific has happened to me. I often feel like the workers don't expect me to buy anything other than Cooking Mama or Harvest Moon and are mildly surprised when I approach the counter with Zelda or Mortal Kombat or something "boyish."

There's also sports culture. I loooooooooove hockey, but a lot of fans don't expect women to actually know what's going on. When I went to a game in Atlanta with some friends, I loved that I was the one explaining the rules to my male friends. And no, drunk guy in Thrashers t-shirt, you can't see my breasts. Can I see yours?

I've had an nearly identical experience while out with my boyfriend, right down to him being called "sir." Every time the server (in this case a woman) came to our table, she addressed everything to him. We also consistently encounter the situation in which he is handed the check, even after I've put it on my card (we either alternate who pays or go dutch).

Thanks for the comments, everyone.

My guess is that the waiter was between 35 and 45 years old. My boyfriend and I are both 26. I'm sure his being Italian does have something to do with it, but that's just an explanation, not an excuse. At first I thought the waiter was Latino, but my boyfriend said he was pretty sure everyone working there was Italian. My grandfather's Italian, too, so I'm familiar with old-country attitudes.
I don't know if I should have said something more pointed re: his service. I know we definitely won't be going back there.

I don't know how to explain it. I've even gotten it sometimes when I go out with my female friends. I tend to dress "professionally" most of the time. You know, skirts, dress shirts, etc. Even when I go out with my sister (she wouldn't wear a skirt to save her life) they always tend to give the check to her when, obviously I'm paying for it. We went to starbucks one time and the guy asked my sister and I if we were dating (I guess we didn't look like sisters to him) then started to only address my sister. I don't know why the money is always associated with the more "masculine" person because I've always made my own money and don't expect anyone to pick up the tab for me. It really just pisses me off when I'm pushed to the side because someone appears more masculine than me. I guess some people are just fated to be looked over... it angers me because I'm sort of ... aggressive and sometimes I just have to tell the waiter/waitress off. I know I shouldn't get angry, but when I'm the one handing you the card, you need to address me regardless of my gender!

I took me lesbian friend and my son to dinner. I orderd the appetizer for the table, asked for the check etc but the server gave the check to my friend.

She's very short and when out with her same-age girlfriend often gets ignored or belittled altho masculine because people think she is her GFs son! Despite very large breasts lol

It surprises me that more masculine women get handed the check, too.
One of my best friends is a gay man, and he frequently goes to dinner with me and some of his other female friends. I always find it bizzare that servers will hand him the check automatically, even though there are several of us so it doesn't even look like a date.

I haven't had this happened for obvious reasons (just keep reading) but I have had something similar. My partner is a fairly masculine woman and invariably, at restaurants, she is presented with the check 9 times out of 10.

The one situation I've been called sir is when dealing with automobile parts personnel over the phone. I have a background in engineering so I know a few things about mechanics. When I call with a serious question about the availability of a part let's say, the employees seem to always default to saying 'yes sir' 'thank you sir' as if it were simply not possible that a woman could know anything about automobile repair.