Earlier this year, when I was a perfectly reasonable size ten, I decided that I wanted to lose some weight. I could try to say it was for “my health” or something like that, but the truth of the matter is I was responding to general societal pressure to be skinnier and the idea that I would feel better about how I looked if I lost some weight.
Several months later and 17 pounds lighter, I have to admit that I do feel better about how I look and have a sense of accomplishment about meeting my goal. I have conflicting feelings though about what that means and how people react.
While most people have said nothing at all or made benign comments, the occasional effusive praise makes me uncomfortable. I work near a store that I go to frequently, and a couple of the men who work there have repeatedly commented on it, saying I look like a “different person” (though I was assured I was also attractive before) and I should “keep it up.” Shouldn’t this kind of reaction be what I wanted?
While on the one hand I appreciate people’s noticing, I also find myself wondering why becoming skinnier is such an accomplishment. Granted these people don’t know me that well and don’t know about what I consider my far more impressive accomplishments in the nonprofit advocacy world or the arts. But it makes me feel uncomfortable to be praised for successfully succumbing to body image issues and making myself more palatable to mainstream culture’s idea of what a woman should look like. I also find losing weight or how I lost weight to be one of these least interesting conversation topics out there, and would so much rather talk about countless other things.
I would hardly say I’m consumed by these conflicting feelings, but I think about it occasionally. I am actually happy to have lost weight, but also dislike being praised for it. Anyone else have a similar experience?
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When I lost 25 pounds last year (gained them back after turning 21) I found that most of the comments I got were from other women.
Yes.
I started losing weight actually for my health. I was out of shape and sedentary and I realized that I felt worse about how I felt than how I looked (though I didn't feel great about how I looked either). So I started running and watching what I eat.
At last check I had lost about 65 pounds but more importantly I can walk the mile and a half to campus or hoof it all over Manhattan without feeling like I'm going to collapse.
And as happy as I am about that, it still bugs me when people tell me how fabulous or "skinny" I look. First off, don't tell me I'm skinny. I'm not. I'm not meant to be skinny (when I was an athlete in high school I fluctuated between a size 12 and 16 or so). Yes, I'm smaller than I was and I suppose that relative to a size 24 a 16 is "skinny." But I'm not comfortable being called that.
Also, I don't feel it's appropriate to comment on someone else's body unless THEY bring it up. Just because it changed doesn't mean it's public property. Besides, I want to talk about my other accomplishments! They're more interesting to me than recapping how much I've been running or what changes I made to my diet.
The couple of times I've lost weight, all of the comments were from women. Sadly, I've since gained it all back, plus interest. I wouldn't know how to go about losing weight, but I understand what you mean about being happy people noticed. It was a nice feeling for people to acknowledge that, hey, I'm a little bit thinner/lighter.
The world's love (or rather, the Wester World's...) of body image might be a subconscious block on my ability to lose weight. I'm pretty damn big at the moment, over 320lbs. I haven't been skinny (which for me was a size 16) since I was 14. To lose the weight now, just so people treat me like a person instead of a blob of fat that walks and talks is abhorrent to me. But I do need to lose the weight for my health. My family is high risk for diabetes and high blood pressure.
Maybe if I keep telling myself "It's for your health, not how people look at you" I'll lose it. Sorry for rambling. Congrats on meeting yer goal, though. Really, that's just awesome. *hides*
I lost a lot (40 lb) one year in highschool because once I started losing weight I got praised so much from my peers that I was sucked into believing it made me 'worth' more. It was pretty much a downward spiral into eating disorders. People don't realize how harmful those kinds of comments can be.
I'm ashamed to say that I never know what to do in scenarios like that (there haven't been many recently, except for high school--if I EVER initiated a comment on a girls' weight, I regret it, but I distinctly remember being uncomfortable and trying to avoid drawing attention to their bodies as being "new and improved").
Usually if I notice someone has lost weight I feel the way you do--it's invasive. It may do alot more harm than good....
Do you acknowledge their accomplishment, even when it means drawing attention to their previous state, or should you be neutral and only comment if THEY bring it up? (Does that make them conceited?)
I always feel so weird commenting on people's bodies...really, really weird. I'm glad, if it keeps me from making others uncomfortable.
I think a lot of us just don't think about what it sounds like when we notice someone has lost weight. I suppose it is rather an intrusive thing, but I tend to comment also when people do their hair or have nice clothes on. However, if it's going to lead to eating disorders, then this is a really bad thing. I'm going to think twice next time I say anything now.
One thing that annoyed me, however, was the opposite: people would criticize me for being too thin and accuse me of being anorexic when I was younger and had lost weight. My weight would fluctuate, sometimes naturally, sometimes because I made a conscious effort. I gained about 20 pounds after quitting smoking and I lost it through exercise and diet. Then I got all the "anorexic" comments. Yet, I was eating at least three meals a day, just food with less fat in it.