Dear Sir,
I wonder, what possessed you to yell “pussy” out the window as you were driving by my dog and me this afternoon? Was it my unwashed hair? My baggy exercise apparel? The way I was holding the leash? Perhaps you like beagles and thought the best way to compliment my taste in dogs was to shout out a vulgar profanity and then speed away. If so, thank you; I appreciate the gesture.
But why did you drive away so quickly? I realize the light turned green, but I would have liked to have a conversation with you. We could have chatted about, oh, the weather, or the beauty of nature, or even the reasons why a middle-aged white man would single out a teenager to prey upon. It’s too bad you couldn’t muster up the courage to face me.
If I met you again, would you remember me? Would you recognize my confused expression as I turned my head to glare in your direction? Or was I just another body to you, a female without a face? Just another woman.
Thank you for disturbing my peaceful walk with my dog. Thank you for ruining a few hours of my life. Thank you for giving me another reason to be fearful in my own neighborhood. Thank you for justifying the knife I carry in my back pocket.
I hope you have a nice day, asshole.
Sincerely,
Lauren
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You are my heroine. Way to take something not-funny and make it really funny. What was it that Jack Handy said about if life gives you lemons, maybe you can think of something creative to do with the lemons, like kill somebody by shoving the lemons down their throat. Agh.
Thank you for posting this! It's lovely.
Thanks for posting your funny take! Pussy is now my new compliment for cute beagles! I just had a guy oggle me from the window of his van this morning as I walked down the sidewalk--I just threw up my hands in disgust and yelled "what the fuck!?" I just don't understand.
Thanks you guys. I was so angry afterwards and decided to turn my energy into something productive. I'm glad you all appreciate it. :)
haha! I love the sarcasm!
Awesome. In the spirit of open letters to Douchebags check this out: http://www.mcsweeneys.net/links/openletters/7suckitself.html
Hopefully you'll get a laugh out of it.
Maybe he thought your beagle was a putty-tat.
Or maybe he just was giving you props for owning the best doggy breed around.
My dog actually attracts attention more than me! She's a stunning pure white Samoyed who has the most beautiful disposition and looks like a big, cuddly bear. However, she is also extremely protective of me and can pick up on my emotions. Many people strike up conversations with me when I walk her, and are genuinely friendly and want to pat her, which she loves. However, there have been a couple of times when I have felt threatened by men due to the nature of the conversation, and where it was leading. Somehow she picked up on this and gave out a low growl with lips curled to show her very large canines. I supported her efforts by telling them that she was able to bite right through beef bones, crunch them up and swallow them. End of conversation! But one guy had to get in the last word by saying, as he walked away rather quickly, that the dog was better looking than me anyway!!!!!!!!!!! lol
My dog actually attracts attention more than me! She's a stunning pure white Samoyed who has the most beautiful disposition and looks like a big, cuddly bear. However, she is also extremely protective of me and can pick up on my emotions. Many people strike up conversations with me when I walk her, and are genuinely friendly and want to pat her, which she loves. However, there have been a couple of times when I have felt threatened by men due to the nature of the conversation, and where it was leading. Somehow she picked up on this and gave out a low growl with lips curled to show her very large canines. I supported her efforts by telling them that she was able to bite right through beef bones, crunch them up and swallow them. End of conversation! But one guy had to get in the last word by saying, as he walked away rather quickly, that the dog was better looking than me anyway!!!!!!!!!!! lol
Salad- thank you, that was so fantastic. : )
SarahMC- yes! Beagles are the best!
AliCat- I love that your dog protects you and that you told that creepy guy that your dog can bite through bones! I can't believe he had the nerve to say your dog was more attractive than you, what a loser. You totally owned him.