Probably the most disappointing thing about coming out as a transsexual woman and physically transitioning, has been the sheer nastiness that I've experienced among some members of the trans (woman) community. The issue that I speak of is one that's very familiar to transwomen everywhere, passing.
Quite possibly no aspect of transitioning is harder to accomplish than “passing”-the ability to blend in seamlessly with cis-members of your preferred gender. All too often, I've heard transwomen that pass ridicule those who don't, and I'm sick and tired of it. Lets face it, to a certain degree passing is important-for personal safety, job opportunities, and, lets face it, it obviously helps out with dating and relationships. Some transwomen, though, take pride in ridiculing those in the trans community who don't pass well, for whatever reason.
I've always taken it for granted that one of the important tenets of feminism is that we should have a healthy respect for other people's bodies, that we shouldn't judge them because they don't live up to some unobtainable heteronormative ideal. So, why do some transwomen ridicule those less fortunate who don't pass well?
I'm under no illusion that the trans community (if there is such a thing-but I suppose that's a whole other issue entirely) is going to always agree entirely on everything-after all, transpeople are a fairly diverse group, and surely will disagree on some things. When I first came out as transgendered, and started transitioning, I was still in the Army Reserve, serving two years on active duty orders. Suffice it to say, it was a difficult place to transition in, and I'm still adjusting to not being in the Army. Whenever I'd hang out with trans friends, go to support groups, get involved in not just the trans but wider LGBT community, it felt so liberating, like I had this wonderful family that I could get involved with when I wasn't forced to wear the uniform and play soldier. I really, really want there to be a functional, whole trans community, one in which everyone is welcome, and non-judgemental of others. If I wanted nastiness and petty vindictiveness, I'd have stayed in the Army.
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One would think there would be loads of empathy from transexual women towards other transexual women.
But, you know, that is not how it is in the cisexual community either. I mean, many cisexual women I have known take much joy in, after spending hours getting ready to look "hot," then make fun of others who they feel were not able to achieve the "hot" look.
Anyways, I swear one day the beauty standards are going to be so unattainable that no one, cisexual or transexual, are going to be able to look like women anymore.
I'll never understand human divisiveness. First it's all men are created equal, but not women. Then it's women, but only middle-class white women. Then it's all races/ethnicities, but only women-born-women. Then transwomen, but only those who are good at passing? How much more specific can it get? What a pain in the ass. Thanks for bringing this up, I never thought about passing/not passing in terms of sort of living up to the beauty myth. But you make a good point, and I hope you find the community you're looking for. Or create it :-)