I'm sorry your mom is being such a butthole. Why would she want to try to knock down your self-esteem like that? That's horrible.

I'm glad you're not letting it get to you though. Rock on with your bad self!

Great post. My boyfriend's line? "You look great and I don't ever want to hear you say otherwise."

Wow, I'm sorry your family treated you so badly. I've had that happen to me, and it hurts more than anything. The people who are supposed to love you unconditionally are not supposed to tear you down like that.

My grandmother was like that, and I finally sat down with her one day and told her how much her comments hurt me. It was tough, but it worked, and she hasn't done it since.

I don't know if you could do that with your mom. Maybe print out your post and the comments you receive back and show it to her as an opener (of course, maybe she'd be pissed you went public). But I think you need to tell her, and your other family members, how much their comments upset you.
You're right, they should be focusing on the great things you've just accomplished and not your body. Isn't it sad that the obsession with appearance has gone this far?

Your boyfriend sounds wonderful :-)

I had a similar experience a week or so ago - my younger sister (M) went for one of those makeover days and got the photos back. To be fair to her, she looks stunning in all of them. That is fine. What is *not* fine was the ensuing barrage of, "Oh, M's pictures are so much nicer than the ones T had, T just looked ugly, they're horrible. But M's are lovely. Hey, M? M! You ever thought of being a model?" And the, "Well, nobody can have brains AND beauty, can they? M got the latter, T got the former!" Along with so many comments of how she's slimmer than I am, taller, prettier, etc. Always followed by a laugh, as if these things were somehow okay to say.

It does hurt a lot when family say such hurtful things. But I agree with the last line of your post: "When your loved ones make negative comments, they can be very powerful. But you can't let them be as powerful as the positive ones from those who not only love you, but support you as well." After all those comments, I rang my boyfriend in tears. He listened to what I had to say, and made me feel better.

Ugh, how can the people closest, particularly women be so critical? That is exactly my weight and height actually. It used to be my mom's and her 100 pound sister would call her fat. No wonder she has had a weight complex all these years. Why can't women start supporting other women better and let them feel comfortable with whatever body they have? I'd want to confront her but of course confrontation can be hard.

I know how you feel. My family is the exact same way. I'm bigger than you--I'm a size 11-12 and my sister is about a size 3. She's 13 years old but about two inches taller than I am. My family loves to remind me how athletic my sister is, and that she gets modeling offers all the time. My mom and stepdad always gave me a hard time. The one memory that sticks out the most in my head about this kind of thing is a time when my mom was coaching me into working out, and telling me how beautiful I'd look if I could "just lose 20 pounds." She looked at my dad and said, "Isn't that right?" and his response was only to snort, laugh at me, and say "Pfft. No way" before leaving the room. Because of these kinds of things I am really insecure about my body, but whenever they get me down my boyfriend looks at me and says "you look beautiful to me, and I hate when you talk badly about yourself. How can you say such mean things about something I love so much?" He is really, really awesome. I guess the important thing is to tune out your family when they are being douchebags.

It always warms my cold, feminist heart when boyfriends express unconditional feelings to their girlfriends, but this is always the situation: woman feels bad because someone said something negative about the way she looks, boyfriend makes her feel better. How wonderful to have someone there on your side who cares for you! But, also, I wish we could make ourselves feel better without someone having to say that we're "beautiful anyways" or something similar.

And fuck people who want to say negative things about how we look.

Louisa, that man is a keeper.

Does your family do this often, because you really don't have to let them. If your family is bringing you to the verge (or beyond the verge) of tears, you have the right to tell them it makes you upset. I'm sure your mother wouldn't like to have her "flaws" pointed out that way. It might not change things completely, but maybe she doesn't realize how much it bothers you.