"Biphobia is fear of the other and fear of the space between our categories."
Ochs & Deihl
If our cultural ideology states that our individuality is manifested by our accessories, then it follows that attributes of the people we love confer entire identities upon us. Given the incredible social pressure to signify monolithically -especially during an election year- ('if you aren't for us you are against God/the family/apple pie...), Och's definition of biphobia makes sense. Bisexuality can be the lightning rod for anxiety from both heterosexually identifying and homosexually identifying populations, because not only does it signal the potential for a complete change of (perceived) identity, 'bisexuality' becomes most visible during moments of conflict, such as when an individual leaves their partner for someone of a different sex/gender then the partner. Otherwise, bisexuality looks neatly homo- or heterosexual, depending on whom they are holding hands with.
At first blush, biphobia might not seem like the pressing issue that homophobia is. After all, when a bisexually identified man or woman is discriminated against, they are discriminated based on their attraction towards same-sex partners, not contra-sex partners. Their 'heterosexual side' will not be demoted to a part time position because they look homosexual part of the time. However, I believe that in addition to negatively complicating the lives of self/socially-identified bisexually functioning individuals, the presence of 'biphobia' is also litmus test of the cultural comfort level with sexuality in general.
I'm willing to go way out on a limb here by saying that, culturally, the US comfort level with sex is pretty low. If the general consensus was that sex *wasn't* threatening and *didn't* need to be codified, then other people's sex lives would be the pivot upon which daytime television spins, to say nothing of the political uses of sexuality.
Though bisexuals receive negative attention from homosexual populations, I think the stigma attached to them from the dominant heterosexually-identifying community is most problematic. I don't mean to downplay the impact of biphobia from the homosexual community or the pain it can cause individuals, but 'b'-for-bisexual increasingly crops up in the alphabet soup of queer interest groups, and by phonetic luck or intention, it's always been included in the Esperanto of "lesbigay". I feel that when the New York Times publishes an article titled 'Gay, Straight, or Lying? Bisexuality Revisited.,' has a further reaching effect, and is indicative of a much more pervasive discomfort with sexuality and sexual preference, which is also pointed to by the histrionics over issues such as abstinence-only sexual education and Janet Jackson's nipple.
Because I believe that biphobia is also a signifier of discomfort with sexual desire, I feel steps could be taken to combat all sexual orientation-based phobias that are not directly related to homosexual issues. For example, as reasonable, medically accurate, holistic, GLBT inclusive and respectful sexual education is increasingly available and disseminated throughout the educational system we will see more positive changes. To an extent, we are seeing them already. If high school-hookup bisexuality ala "I Kissed a Girl and I Liked It" is the MTV trend of the season, well, when was the last time anybody but Focus on the Family saw MTV as edgy?
In any case, I feel that if individuals were introduced to the existence of their desire in an age appropriate and non-pejorative manner, 'sexuality' would lose some of its scandalous fission and people would be more comfortable acknowledging it in themselves and in other people. I think this would generally decrease discrimination due to sexual orientation.
I'm generally hopeful when I look towards the future, for a variety of reasons. For one thing, I think it's inevitable that people will eventually catch on that the entire thrust of human evolution/sexual reproduction/pleasure isn't going to change now to suit anybodies theocratic preferences, no matter how many
'purity balls' are thrown in its way.
More importantly progress for every civil rights movement has been incremental, but it has been progressive as well as progressively viable. This is shown by the willingness of companies such as IBM and American Airlines to extend benefits to same sex partners (because they aren't doing this to be nice), and illustrated decreasing age that individuals 'come out' and the increasing belief, especially amongst young people, that 'gay rights' are civil, and human, rights.
"People had a habit of looking at me as if I were some kind of mirror instead of a person. They didn't see me, they saw their own lewd thoughts, then they white-masked themselves by calling me the lewd one..."
-Marilyn Monroe
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Very interesting that you write about the fear of spaces in between. I generally do find that people are uncomfortable with people whose gender/sexual identity is vague. I don't identify as gay, straight, or bisexual. If people ask, I say that I don't identify. It totally changes someone's perspective if they can't label you as the norm or as the other. Self identified straight folks don't know how to talk to you and self identified queer folks don't know whether to trust you or not.
This summer, I was the only female on a crew of 20 wildland firefighters. Anytime homophobic remarks were made, i'd comment on them in different ways, sometimes jokingly to make them aware of what they said and sometimes just straight up calling them out. Eventually people began to wonder and make snide remarks. Some went as far as calling me "marimacha" which basically means dyke in spanish. I never accepted nor denied this. Sometimes I would smile just because what I was saying was making them realize that they were being very homophobic, and sometimes I would say "so what?" after those comments.
FINALLY, someone just straight up asked. I was in one of the vans with some crew members and my crew boss. My crew boss turned to me and asked me... "So, do you really like girls?" And I said, "I like people. It's not about someone having a penis or vagina, if I like someone then I like someone." I guess this wasn't the response they were looking for as they were so confused that I wasn't being easily categorized into one space or the other... I was in the space in between. The conversation went on in the same manner, them trying to categorize me as bi and myself denying because of the binary, etc etc... Hurtful things were said, they asked if I was joking, because if i wasn't they could take me and get the dyke out of me.
I think the conversation went like that because some of them were confused, maybe some of them felt lied to? I don't know. Obviously myself being the only female and all self identified as straight (or very closeted) were confused as to how I could flirt with them and then like girls?... One of the guys who I actually kind of liked, and the one that said the most hurtful things later asked me....
"So is it really true? were you just joking? You were just joking right?"
"Is what true...? " I said. (I knew what he was talking to but it's such a taboo subject that he was deliberately choosing vague words to refer to "it" and I wanted to make him SAY IT!)
"What you said earlier?" ... Notice how he didn't want to say "it".
"... Why? Does it bother you?"
"It's just got me thinking and I'm not going to stop thinking about it until you tell me"
"Well, have fun thinking, it's not going to change anything whether it's true or not."
Anyways, yeah. Fear of in between spaces. The conversation I had with this particular fella made it clear to me how awkward and uncomfortable people can become when you refuse to be in one category or "the other". It became impossible for those listening to that conversation to think of me in the same way. I was no longer just the college kid they could flirt with (and believe me! flirt they did), and well, they couldn't be sure if i was that 'marimacha' either.
This brings me to another point... of how fear of in between spaces can make someone, the person in between, kind of a subhuman. After that conversation, the person making the hurtful comments all of a sudden was very confident around me and felt that it was ok, that by revealing my non-straightness, I had somehow consented to groping. He walked up to me and grabbed my breast in front of a few other men. It made me uncomfortable, (but typical to many woman’s reactions in similar situations), I doubted myself, I doubted what had felt and seen. Until it happened again was I able to react against it and make the motherfucker stop.
Jane, I'm going to have to disagree with you on this one. I've felt far more unwelcome in queer spaces than straight ones as an out, married bisexual. Lesbian women do not trust bisexual women and will not date them, by and large. I have no problem at all finding men who want to date me knowing that I'm bi and poly. (Please note: this does not mean all bisexuals or pansexuals are poly.) I've only ever had one straight man make biphobic remarks around me, but I've heard plenty from fellow queers.
I spent 2 years on the board and one year as president of our local LGBT group, working my butt off on dances, parade floats and political actions...and yet, I wasn't invited to most of the local parties and gained no new friends from that community, only acquaintances. After that, I gave up on organizing with the LGBT community and stuck to hanging out with other bi poly folks.
Most of the biphobia I've encountered is over the internet. The people I tend to hang around peole who are accepting of bisexuals. I only bring up my sexuality when I feel it's relevant to the conversation.
I posted the first biphobia video on YouTube. I say this because when I first posted it, it didn't have any related videos.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qPzk165TH1w
*I'll add more to this conversation later. I'm pressed for time right now.
i work at a feminist bookstore, where we have gay, straight and undecided employees and i can tell you that flat out the gay people are the ones who have a problem with bisexuality. i don't identify, like a poster above, and that seems to irk a lot of people. they like to call me bi, which isn't true. i like the term queer and is way more accepted by my gay friends/coworkers(i think because it sounds more "gay").
i just had a conversation the other day with a lesbian coworker who said that whether or not you're bi, whoever you are "with" determines if you're gay or straight. like it's a choice. i tried to argue that point with her and she still doesn't get it. it has to be one or the other.
and it's quite evident if i ever try to date women: lesbians will not even think about a bi woman.
and, finally, i agree that the in-between is what scares people. people need labels, they need cut and dry and if they don't get it, they don't like it.
there IS discrimination. i support lgbt issues all the time but it feels like i'm not being supported because i'm not gay.
Chancluda- Wow! Thanks for the personal story! Maybe no big surprise, but it was people's reaction to my "ambiguity" that got me writing.
Bifemmefatale & Elsyd- I hear you, and the "interpersonal" flak I've gotten from not labeling myself has been from the queer community, though oddly from people who defined as something other then gay/lesbian (ie: "radical",)(...or were my mom). In fairness, quite a lot of it probably had to do with my 'tude at the time, which was (very vocally)that such "identities" do more to convienence random other people who I don't feel that I need to be in the business of enabling, because my friends and lovers knew and loved me.
I didn't really feel that my attraction to my same-gender partner was different from my attraction to my different-gender partners, or that my appreciation of her feminine attributes was different from my appreciation for freckles and red hair.
I understand that is is a very unpalatable position for many people and with legitimate reason- I offer it to illustrate my own personal experience of biphobia in the queer community.
What I meant to convey in this post *wasn't* that biphobia from the queer community isn't an issue and a painful one, but that biphobia trickling in from the mainstream perpetuates biphobia on a wider scope (inside and outside of the gay community), and is tied to general American discomfort over sexuality per se.
I was very interested in Elsyd's co-worker, who said that sexual orientation was about "whoever you're with". Not to second guess Elsyd's interpretation, but to me that illustrates "orientation" as less an "identity" then a *function* (ie: "of the heart," or "desire", or whatever)... and not a "choice", which more closely mirrors my personal experience.
(though if somebody finds a way to make 'attraction' a choice, please let me know because I'd take an opt-out option for a few of the meanies I've known!)
There are two biphobic arguments that make no sense.
1. "Bisexuals are just homosexuals trying to be more accepted."
-Bisexuals are hated more than homosexuals. Most homophobic people are biphobic too. Right there pretty much evens it out. The only way these people will be accepting of a bisexual is if they are currently with a member of the opposite sex and they don't tell them they're bi. But that probally doesn't reall count. Also many gay and pro-gay people are biphobic so that means there is more hate towards bisexuals.
2. "Bisexuals are selfish."
-I can never wrap my head around this one. Apparently they think being bi makes you more likely to cheat. People don't cheat for simply being attracted to a lot of people, it usually stems from some issue in the relationship. Don't get me wrong I'm not condoning cheating but it the reasons it happened need to be taken in account. A person who is attracted to almost everyone is no more likely to cheat than someone who is attracted to very few people. Hell, many people cheat with people they're not attracted to. Also take in account what people above said about how many people refuse to date a bisexual. When you're being selfish, you put yourself in the situation which it is easiest to get what you're selfish for, in this case sex. A person who identifies as straight can get sex a lot easier than someone who identifies as bi.
Toni to add on-
2a) "Bisexuals can never be faithful- they'll always want the other sex." Only when people are talking about bisexuals is "cheating" an issue of the gender of the person you are cheating with, and less about "breaking the bond of trust" with your partner...
...heterosexual relationships never fall apart due to cheating behavior...
jane, to clarify, my coworker stated that if you're bi and with a same sex person, you are choosing to be gay. if you then date a person of a different sex, you are choosing to be straight.
we have a mutual female friend who is bisexual and has been very involved in all things lgbt related at the campus here. well, now she's getting married, to a man, and so according to my coworker, she's straight.
A lesbian who was hitting on me last night told me that she doesn't think bisexuals exist.
Funny, how other people feel they have the right to label your sexuality for you.