I have also seen young women — myself included — getting in the way of their own success. I have found that we need to build a new arsenal of skills to mitigate some of our more “feminine” tendencies. Having lived in a cocoon of equality in college, we may have neglected these vital, real-world skills.
NEWS FLASH: Hannah Seligson repeats the same advice I got in college -- Act Like A Man.
Whenever I first read these things, I first hear a little voice in the back of my head saying, but if I'm good enough as a woman to do the job, why should I have to change so much just to let people know that?
The answer, of course, is presented at the end of Seligson's article -- the workplace is not a meritocracy. This is correct, no doubt about it. No matter how much anyone wishes it were, politics are at play in every workplace.
So I dig a little deeper. What really gets to me is the assumption that all men have the necessary qualities to succeed and all women lack them. We (not we as women, we as a society) are conditioned to adopt the accepted gendered social relational traits as we grow up. Instead of shy people are uncomfortable promoting themselves in the workplace, we get WOMEN are uncomfortable promoting themselves in the workplace. All of a sudden you as a woman get a message about what is appropriate for your behavior, regardless of whether you were previously comfortable with self promotion.
Finally, can we wonder why some people feel conflicted about family and work? The one-step-further message is that women either need to shape up to be in the workplace, or find something else to do like raise a family. It doesn't surprise me here that our current image of suburban mom-hood is the self sacrificing mother who always puts her children first, sometimes to the detriment of her own well-being. Just look at programs like How Do I Look, How to Look Good Naked, and What Not to Wear. They are chock full of women in "mom jeans" and t-shirts who have spent so much time on their children they have forgotten how to look good, as the hosts tell them -- and if we connect the dots, possibly because they never learned to promote themselves in the workplace.
Elizabeth is a science teacher who focuses on gender and science education. She is a little bitter because of the sexism she experienced as a physics major in a college.
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We (not we as women, we as a society) are conditioned to adopt the accepted gendered social relational traits as we grow up-I think the article is trying to promote that-the idea that being gendered "women" doesn't mean acting in a particular manner. The traits she mentions as feminine are trained in, not inherent. and she's right, changing that training is important in some workplaces.
That reminds me of this article by Barbara Ehrenreich, "Guys Just Want to Have Fun," Time, Sunday, Jul. 23, 2006, http://www.time.com/time/magazine/printout/0,8816,1218047,00.html :
"When I was in college, I followed a simple strategy: Go where the boys are. Sure, that led me into many settings where inebriants flowed, but my reasoning was strictly practical. Men ruled the world, as anyone could see, so the trick was to do as they did. No girlie major like art history or French lit for me. I started in chemistry and then proceeded up the gender gradient to physics, finally achieving in Classical Mechanics the exalted status of only girl in the class.
"But that was an era when the cool kids smoked Gauloises and argued about Kierkegaard and Trotsky. Today, as two recent reports have revealed, it's the girls who achieve and the boys who coast along on gut courses congenial to hangovers. Boys are less likely to go to college in the first place (only 45% of college students under 25 are male) and are less likely to graduate as well. If I tried to follow my original strategy now, I would probably end up with an M.A. in Madden, the football video game, and a postgraduate stay in rehab.
"The trend has occasioned some predictions of a coming matriarchy in which high-achieving women will rule over a nation of slacker guys. We've all seen the movie, an endless loop culminating most recently in You, Me and Dupree. That little girls' T shirt slogan--GIRLS RULE, BOYS DROOL--is beginning to look less like a slur and more like an empirical observation.
"But it may be that the boys still know what they're doing. Among other things that have changed since the '60s is the corporate culture, which once valued literacy, numeracy, high GPAs and the ability to construct a simple sentence. No doubt there are still workplaces where such achievements are valued, but when I set out as an undercover journalist seeking a white-collar corporate job for my book Bait and Switch, I was shocked to find the emphasis entirely on such elusive qualities as 'personality,' 'attitude' and 'likability.' Play down the smarts, the career coaches and self-help books advised, cull the experience and exude a 'positive attitude.'..."
I read the article and most of what she says I agree with. It IS harder for women to succeed in the workplace, particularly coming right out of college. She gives vital advice to perform a "background check" before accepting a job.
But as she went on and began to categorize feminine and masculine traits, I experienced your same feelings. Women just need to stop being so sensitive and develop thick-skin like men, is the kind of language that blames women for the unfair practices of a patriarchal workplace.
It's not that the advice she is giving is wrong, it is the word choice she uses that reveals internalized sexism. To tell a woman not be a perfectionist is good! To tell a woman to speak up when critiqued and not take "no" for an answer could have effective outcomes. But Seligson has taken the opportunity to tell what is wrong with women in the workplace instead of what is wrong with the workplace that is reflected on how it treats women.
Thank you for pointing out this article. I might even go by a book store to look through her book. I hope to find more encouraging things with less internalized sexism.
Why does being assertive and proactive have to be labeled as "acting like a man"? First of all, I know a lot of men who don't act like that, second, many women are assertive and confident enough to stand up for themselves, and third, I think it's a good thing to recognize the fact that the way women are generally socialized puts them at an economic disadvantage. When you find yourself raising 2 girls you become keenly aware of this. Even in preschool girls are rewarded for being quiet, compliant, cooperative, etc. while boys are encouraged to be the opposite. And no amount of rhapsodizing about the value of the "feminine" characteristics is going to convince me. Boys are not born assertive and girls are not born passive. So if the way they're being socialized is putting them at a disadvantage, then change it. It's as simple as that.
Um... what about considering the possibility that the masculine mold she's trying to force women into isn't the best or only mold? I get that there's a level of discussion to do with one-on-one tips for making things work in an imperfect system, but when you have a write-up in the fucking Times, how about putting it to good use instead of making excuses for sexism?? How about pointing out that the ENTIRE SYSTEM is structured AGAINST WOMEN and that this is wrong, rather than acting as though the end of the inquiry is to tell women to do a better job of being who they aren't, no matter how otherwise qualified they are for the work they do?
The Law Fairy commented at September 2, 2008 7:41 PM: "How about pointing out that the ENTIRE SYSTEM is structured AGAINST WOMEN and that this is wrong, rather than acting as though the end of the inquiry is to tell women to do a better job of being who they aren't, no matter how otherwise qualified they are for the work they do?"
Was the article advice for the short term or the long term? Some of us can't afford to wait until the entire system gets restructured to apply for jobs...