My mom is a Black single mom, who never married my dad. Because of that, everyone makes wrong assumptions about her. I hate it. People either assume that my dad is dead, b) my dad and I have some sort of visitation schedule and I see him every weekend or c) my mom is on welfare and barely finished high school. I'm going to talk about C because it's the most common.
When I went to school in areas that were middle class or lower middle class, nobody cared. In fact, quite a bit of people were exactly the same. But when I went to a private school, things changed.
Once, in 5th grade, I was talking to the people at my table. All the girls were talking about how their parents met, about the wedding, etc, etc. I said my parents were never married. This one girl, Heather*, said "Oh, well my parents aren't those types of people." I was confused. Then another time, me and Heather and another girl were talking in the lunch line about babies. Somehow we got to talking about young mothers(I know, we were mature 10 year olds). Heather looked at me, like "I know your mom is one of them." I said "My mom was almost 30 when she had me." and ignored her. After that, she pretty much avoided talking to me.
So, I just want to say something to Heather and the rest of her rich friends:
My parents didn't get married because they didn't want to, it was as simple as that. Not all women think "Oh joy, I love you! Now let's get married and live together forever and ever, and I'll do whatever you want and be your eternal slave!" My mom was 28 when she had me and was in college. My grandma would have MURDERED her if she had gotten pregnant in high school, and for that matter, any of my uncles if they had gotten a girl pregnant. Also, my mom has a Master's Degree in nursing, and is a professor at Georgia State University. Also, at least my parents didn't try to stay together 'for the kids', like a lot of your parents are doing.
*Not real name, but I didn't want to keep on saying This One Girl, and also, I am a name nerd :p
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"My grandma would have MURDERED her if she had gotten pregnant in high school, and for that matter, any of my uncles if they had gotten a girl pregnant. Also, my mom has a Master's Degree in nursing, and is a professor at Georgia State University. Also, at least my parents didn't try to stay together 'for the kids', like a lot of your parents are doing."
Indeed. So many people think unmarried = teenage = low-income when it comes to pregnancy, as if an unmarried pregnant lady can't be almost 30 and upwardly mobile like your mother, as if teenagers can't get pregnant within marriage, etc. o_O
"*Not real name, but I didn't want to keep on saying This One Girl, and also, I am a name nerd :p"
Have you seen the Onomastikon site? http://www.gaminggeeks.org/Resources/KateMonk/ How good is it?
You sweet thing you! How old are you? You know, my mom WAS married to my dad, they had a horrible relationship and one day, my mom decided to end the abuse, and to get out on her own. She took her 2 babies and had to get some help for a little while. Yes, it was welfare, and I am 37 years old now. We were on welfare for about a year, and it was horrible (for her), I remember my mother crying a lot, "how am I going to feed these babies without this?" but she grew above it. Welfare is something to help you, sweetness, some people abuse it, live on it, have more babies on it.
It is Good For You that your mom and dad did not GET married if they really didn't love each other, so I am sorry that you had to experience that stigma and association. But looking back now, my mom pulled herself up by her "bootstraps" if you will, did everything she could to get her and her kids out of an abusive marriage and relationship. Welfare, for a limited time, was a Godsend to us and put food in our bellies.
So you can tell Heather to kiss your sweet ass!! I am sure that your mom raised YOU to be just as strong a woman as any other woman is today, including your mom, for having the sense and love enough for YOU to do what was right for YOU!! God bless you, hon.
One other thing, No, not everyone thinks that a "SINGLE MOM" is a Welfare Mom, just to let you know, just idiot Heather and her stupid friends!!! (hahaha!!)