Marc, thank you for standing up for that woman's dignity. I've been cat-called and whistled (actually, so have MANY, MANY OTHER WOMEN) and I find it so offensive, embarrasing and demeaning. granted, a few females do actually like it, but not me and most others.

can we take our feminism too far? Yes. It can happen, I guess. if you become really extremist to the point where you think you are always right and everyone else is wrong, then maybe you're an extremist.

1. Thank you for calling your friend out on the behavior. I can't count how many times I (by myself or with friends) have experienced street harassment, but it gets old very, very fast.

And the sad thing is, a lot of guys (anecdata here) don't seem to get that this kind of crap is harassment. It's intrusive. It's rude, embarrassing, demeaning, and completely discomfiting. When I hear a cat call, my first thought isn't "Oh, someone finds me attractive. How nice." It's anything from "Oh, another one of them." to "What will I do if this escalates? Where can I go?"

2. We can take our personal feminism too far in the same way you can take anything personal too far (religion, diet, etc). We can become zealots, if we allow ourselves.

But, to maintain the line between being a serious feminist and a zealot, I think it's simply a manner of picking one's battles (topic and timing) and maintaining some decorum.

When we see something that we feel is wrong, I do believe we're obligated to speak out, whether we're calling out a close friend or a complete stranger.

However, we have to assess our approach. People have a tendency to shut off or become defensive if they sense you're angry (even when you have every right to be).

Sometimes it's a matter of letting it go for the moment, collecting yourself and then approaching the person at a later time. (Of course, with strangers, this is a little harder to do.)

Absynthe, your point that you think "What will I do if this escalates? Where can I go?" is very important. I had a friend in college who was very tall and imposing, and he was always offended because at night, women would cross the street rather than pass him (he was white, if anyone is curious). He insisted he would never do anything, but I had to explain to him, those women didn't know that for sure and being alone on a dark street with a big stranger was scary.

When you get cat-called, there aren't any good responses. If you smile, sometimes it is taken for an invitation to get more personal. If you ignore it, sometimes you get called terrible names. If you yell at them, well, then you get all sorts of negative reaction. And you just don't know what is on the mind of that guy, so part of you is always afraid, wondering if this is the guy who has bad plans for you rather than just some schmuck. The guy who thinks it isn't a big deal knows he isn't going to hurt the woman, but she doesn't know that.

I don't know that most men realize this aspect of it. Maybe if they did, they would have more empathy.

I think you did the right thing by saying what was on your mind. I dunno, it's not the end of the world to be a little serious sometimes.

"But, stopping and considering, perhaps my friend does not know any better. In all, he's a good, responsible guy, but somehow, has been socialized to do this sort of thing - although I doubt he means any harm by it."

If he doesn't know any better, how will he if no one ever speaks up? I must add that if he really is a good, responsible guy he should feel the need to educate himself about sexual harassment! You absolutely did the right thing. Unfortunately, calling you "too serious" is a form of silencing - it sounds like your friends don't want to be called out for being sexist. After all, it means they have to examine their own thoughts and behaviour.

I have been whistled at a few times before, and every time I was made to feel uncomfortable. I don't think these guys realize that it makes a lot of women uneasy. It's for that reason that I think they need to be told how we feel; however, cursing probably shouldn't be your first reaction when trying to explain why cat-calling is wrong. When you become angry and hostile you're more likely to be ignored or confronted with nasty remarks. Instead, address it calmly.

Also, you may want to comment on the inappropriate behavior in a more private setting if possible. I wouldn't suggest this with a creep-o you've never met, but with a friend it's generally a good idea to address any kind of problem out of the public eye. There's no point in embarassing your friend. Trust me, you'll receive a much nicer response if you avoid biting his head off and embarassing him. :)

I just had a conversation with my boyfriend last night about a similar topic. His friend considers himself a "ladies man" and constantly flirts with girls any place he can. My boyfriend was telling me that his friend was flirting with this girl they kept encountering at the mall and said "are you stalking me, cause I wouldn't mind." I replied by telling him that is so obnoxious. Boyfriend said, "but it works for him, she laughed". I immediately countered by saying "you know, I think most females respond by polite and uncomfortable laughter when they are hit on by some random guy. It really has become a reflexive reaction for me and I notice it with other girls too.

I honestly think most girls really aren't flattered by this, but just don't know how to react and don't want to be thought of as a bitch if they don't respond positively. However, girls do not walk down the street solely to visually please a man and we shouldn't have to be whistled at or fed stupid lines, because we are in public.

So, enough with the rant, I think you are amazing for trying to correct your friend. Most girls do not dig being whistled at, it's just awkward.

"Cat calling" is harassment and that's all it is. Men do it to control women, degrade them... control them. It's their way of showing us who's boss. The men who do this kind of crap are nothing short of bullies.

I don't think feminism can ever be taken "too far". Is there an extent to human rights? Is there an extent to how free someone can, is, or should be? You're either free or you're not. Women are either human or they're not. Men can't "grant" us "some" rights and then say that it ends there.

It's not too much or too extreme to ask for more and my guess is the only reason anyone ever uses that rebuttal is because they don't want to see THEIR privileges taken away so someone else can have as much as they have. "You're taking your feminism too far" means "You're taking too much of my privilege away". This guy obviously thinks he has the RIGHT to make harassing outbursts to women and for you to call it out is attacking his manly privilege, and therefore to him, you're taking his rights away. Good for you. Because harassment is not a right and it shouldn't be tolerated.

You know his side already- He's conditioned to do these things. If you don't say anything, you're accepting his behavior as normal and not giving HIM any dose of perspective. He needs to hear that his behavior is intolerable, because you already know that society finds it acceptable. It's easy to feel guilty for speaking out when it seems like the rest of the world is telling you to shut up, but don't give in so quickly. Stick to what your heart says and if your first reaction is to be angry when someone is objectifying someone else, then maybe it's because you know it's wrong.

This is a topic that is never going to die...and it's so frustrating!

I have been cat-called soo many times that I cannot even remember. Actually, the last one was two days ago..got out of my car-dressed in business attire because I am supposed to be dressed that way for work-and a guy drove by in his car and cat-called even slowed down to look at me. I hate to say it, but sometimes I wish I had a gun to just scare them off. I want to show this sick bastards that I mean business.

And, cat-calling is certainly sexual harassment. I actually was discussing this topic in my Human Resources Mgmt class on Tuesday and I clearly made it a point that MEN DO NOT UNDERSTAND what sexual harassment usually constitutes because it doesn't happen to them often. I made it a point that I want to be viewed as an intelligent human being rather than some object.

I do not like some guy to see me as a piece of meat no matter if in the workplace, street, party etc. And, no matter what reaction you take to cat-callers, it does not work...

So, in class the other day, some people (who are feminists themselves) argued that "cat-calling" is different in different cultures. They were making the argument that in African-American culture, it isn't harassment and it isn't disrespectful. I find this assertion very suspicious but I'm not black and can't claim to know that this is untrue. Anyone else have any opinions on that?

In all fairness, I rarely hear cat-calling in my college (I am male). The onbly time I have was when I was joking with my friends (and no, I;m not proud of it I was jazzed over something or other).

Marc, thank you so so much for calling out your friend on that. Thank you again.

Everyday when I'm walking around or riding my bike, I have guys whistle at me, honk their horns, do a full 360 in the driver's seat to look at me, and I have had guys follow me around before.

I'm glad other people hate it as much as I do. I used to think I was just being silly and that people wouldn't understand-I'm getting "complemented" aren't I?

But I'm not being silly. I hate all the cat calls. It scares the shit out of me, even for a second. For a second, I'm thinking "What if this guy follows me? What if he tries something?"

I hate being scared when I'm just walking around and exploring.

I hate the feeling that if I want to stop being harassed, I need to whip out the nun habit and wimple.

I hate how afterwards I just feel...disgusted, looked over, pawed at. And it happens every damn day and I'm fucking sick of it.

So that's how I feel on cat calling. And Marc, thank you again from the bottom of my heart for calling out your friend on that. :)