(cross-posted at UneFemmePlusCourageuse )
Background: back in April I went through training to become a pro-choice clinic escort. We're the ones who walk patients from their vehicles to the front door of abortion clinics and talk to them to keep them from having to hear the anti-choice protesters. Although my training was months ago, I didn't get to begin escorting until this past Saturday due to the fact that during the summer I was living with my parents, forty-five minutes away from the clinic. (My school is quite a bit closer.) It was...an experience, and I am thankful that I have the a.
I've said before that I was raised in a conservative household, a conservative extended family, a conservative school, a conservative church. People in the childhood of Genevieve were almost entirely pro-life. (And I call them this and not anti-choice because for these purposes I will be drawing distinctions between the people I knew growing up and the people I saw Saturday .) They had their delusions (as seen here at TMOG). But this was due to class privilege as much as it was to religious belief: of course all people should keep their babies, and it won't be difficult for any of them! Right ? It came from a place of kindness, at least that's what I see, looking back, and and see with them still now. A few weeks ago my grandmother basically said that to save a woman's life, or in cases of rape, she wasn't opposed to abortion. (I cannot for the life of me remember how or why I got into a discussion of abortion with my grandmother, but it turned out well at least; and I got to explain to one more person that the majority of late-term abortions were performed for health risk/life risk reasons. Oh, and I love my grandmother by the way, and if anyone wants to comment here criticizing her, that will not be tolerated.)
Anyway, so for the majority of my life, when I heard the words,
"pro-life," I thought of nice Christian women who loved children and
God and if they had the time would adopt a million children. I mean, my
parents themselves did adopt a child, they were in a way walking the
walk. "Pro-life protesters" brought to mind people--mainly women in my
imagination, nuns in fact--praying for peoples' souls. In a kind way.
And they were good people, because I myself was pro-life until I was
around seventeen. "All life is sacred" was the bizarrely paradoxical
(considering my diet) thought I had surrounding the issue for a long
time. I was innocent and naive and I just didn't get it until I started
having sex, started dating a very pro-choice man (one of the buttons on
what I refer to as my 'progressive scarf' says, "I love pro-choice
boys." It's in honor of him), surrounded myself with feminism...and
confronted the ugly side of the pro-life movement. The anti-choicers.
My ideal 'pro-lifers,' those nuns, would not have bloody fetus
pictures. They would not have them mounted to big white vans. They
would not shout. They wouldn't pretend to be speaking the 'words' of
fetuses in cruel mocking voices, they wouldn't trivialize rape, they
would not make racist remarks towards Muslims, African-Americans, or
anyone else. They wouldn't try to shove their pamphlets at people, if
they had pamphlets it would be to advertise places where women could go
for help, and I don't mean Crisis Pregnancy Centers, I mean women's
shelters, church groups, shelters, other things like that. People who
could provide actual resources. They'd listen , too. Not just talk.
Compassion and understanding. They would speak about Jesus and actually
represent the fellow fairly well. There would be no misinformation
given.
Anti-choicers are predominantly male (and white). They
glorify in exhibiting giant pictures of mutilated fetuses (which I've
read are from miscarriages, not abortions, as most abortions are
performed in the first trimester and therefore there is nothing
resembling a baby to be photographed; which adds another layer of awful
to this as the miscarried fetus was most likely being carried by a
woman happily awaiting a child who had her dream shattered, and they're
exploiting her pain). They hate feminism. They trivialize rape, they
yell the word loud and clear and believe me, this week I wanted to
strangle them for it. They are racist, they accuse people of awful
things, they peddle misinformation, they aim to terrorize patients, not
help them. They do misrepresent Jesus. They are the simplistic views of
a twelve-year-old Catholic schoolgirl combined with fifty years of male
privilege and conservative echo-chamber idiocy, and loud voices which
they have been taught through either instruction or osmosis are useful
for intimidating women. If they have wives and daughters, I feel sorry
for them--in fact, scared for their lives--and hope they have the
resources to escape some day.
The pro-lifers I knew worked at
jobs. They went to school to prepare for their futures. They took care
of their children and cleaned their houses and made dinner and planned
vacations and read books and watched movies and did all the things
pro-choicers do. They had lives. On Saturday mornings, they went
swimming at the health club or went shopping or just lounged in bed
reading. Maybe they'd go into work for a few hours, watch some sports,
cook a big breakfast, do some chores. Nothing terribly important, but
the basic frivolities and duties of everyday life, on the weekend.
Anti-choicers plot murders. Anti-choicers make up chants about being
against abortion. Anti-choicers spend their Saturday mornings--four
hours every week, and for at least one of them every day --that they
will never get back standing on the sidewalk in front of a clinic
holding signs and yelling. They are not spending time with their
families or working to support their families, they are wasting their
lives terrorizing women who are trying to exercise their legal choices.
And they're hypocrites, terrible terrible hypocrites. How do I know
this? By the fact that they are alive. If they want to argue that a
ball of cells should not be killed, then they have no right to eat
meat. A self-sufficient animal is far more 'a life' than a fetus. They
should not eat plants, either--hey, they're all alive. Just as alive as
a fetus. No more stepping on ants, swatting flies, squishing spiders.
No more mousetraps, roach motels, et cetera. Do not hunt or fish. Do
not cut down trees to make room for houses, parking lots, et cetera.
Don't mow the lawn. Don't weed the flowerbed. If a bear runs into your
backyard and starts attacking your three-year-old, well, the bear has
just as much right to live by killing or maiming hir as a fetus would
to live and therefore kill or cause severe health problems to a woman.
If they want to claim that a child's life/health is of more value than
a bear's, then they must admit that a woman's life/health is more
important than a fetus.' At least the bear is running around and can
eat and care for hirself. If you move into a new house and find a
poisonous plant is growing in your backyard, you can't remove it, no
matter how afraid you are that your curious two-year-old might eat it.
You'll just have to be extra-vigilant or take your chances. If you
can't stop your car in time to avoid hitting a rabbit, a bird, a
raccoon, a fly, whatever, guess what, you just ended a life, you're
going to hell by your logic.
And yeah, I'm fighting. I've been a feminist for over two years and this is the first time I've had the chance to do real feminist activism outside of my campus. So I'm going to do my work, I'm going to vote for pro-choice politicians (go Obama!), and I'm going to write. A lot. Pen, mightier than the sword, far mightier than the words of misguided lunatics.
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Thank you for drawing a distinction between the two terms. I was raised in a conservative Christian background and, despite turning out an Atheist, still hold on to some of the more old-fashioned ideas about sex and reproduction.
Which basically means that for myself, the choice has been made to never have an abortion, with the hope that I'll never be in a situation to consider it, because I know that I WILL feel guilty about it afterwards.
It does NOT mean that I can't, much like your grandmother, make allowances for situations (rape, incest, life-saving) where a woman might need or want an abortion; though I confess I have to stretch myself to understanding when it's none of those reasons...which doesn't mean I can't mind my own business if someone doesn't want to justify themselves to me, just that I have trouble wrapping my mind around it.
When I say that I'm pro-life, it means just that: I am pro-life, I don't want an abortion and I'd rather no one else did. It doesn't mean that my personal preferences and wishes are going to lead me to picket and vote against someone else's right to decide what to do with their own body.
"If they want to argue that a ball of cells should not be killed, then they have no right to eat meat. A self-sufficient animal is far more 'a life' than a fetus."
This was and excellent point and I cannot thank you enough for posting this. You are one of the reasons why I love feministing and the letters, stories and essays written on here by intelligent feminists.
Pro-Choice, Pro-Woman- you rocked this one!
There is always one response from the pro-life camp that irratates the hell out of me. Those whom are staunchly against abortion, and when it's revealed why *I* had an abortion (I was 18, on drugs, and a complete mess in every single sense of the word), they say - "Oh, that's okay, because look how much better you've gotten! You're a responsible person today, you just had a rough break!"
It feels like an invalidation of my experiences, and a denial of others experiences. It's like "If you are willing to give ME that benefit, why not everyone?!" It's not like if they had known me at 18 they would still be praising me. EVERYONE, everyone has the ability to get better - and for them to say that because, 10 years later, I'm finally living what their idea of "responsible" is, that I am somehow more justified in my abortion than the young girl at the clinic NOW -
it feels hypocritical and it angers me.
Yesterday, my husband and I almost got run over while crossing an intersection by a driver with a "SMILE! YOUR MOM CHOSE LIFE!" sticker on the bumper. Made me wonder ...
I respect people who believe that any stage of pregnancy is human life, because I believe it is a logically consistent position to hold, just one that I happen to disagree with. People who are pro-life and use their conviction as an excuse to harass and intimidate others are not okay with me.
What I can't wrap my head around, though, are the statistics that a) men and women are equally pro-choice/pro-life, and b) women who are opposed to abortion still get them at the same rate all women do, and it doesn't seem to change their opinions. I just don't get it.
Seconding (fifthing?) that this was really well-written. I will try to remember your argument points the next time I encounter someone anti-choice.
And boy it would be nice to walk up to someone with a "Your mom chose life!" sticker and point out how glad I am that when my mom chose life, it was because she was at the point in her life when she felt ready and able to care for a child. Shocking, huh? Actually caring enough for the future child to make sure one was able to care for them... instead of having one because someone else doesn't care whether a women has whatever she feels she needs - mental, physical, financial, emotional capabilities - to care for the child at that point in her life.
Oh Genevieve, I just got chills reading this. I love stories like this one. I love the distinction you've made between pro-life and anti-choice. It is so important and so misunderstood alot of the time.
Beautifully articulated, every bit of it. Thanks for posting this.
And "a cup of coffee," I've seen stickers/buttons like that too. And I hate the implication they carry. What, I'm supposed to feel lucky that my mom chose to bear me? She was TRYING to have a child when she got pregnant with me. My mother, who is adamantly pro-choice, didn't "choose" life when she had me, because it wouldn't have a occurred to her to abort a pregnancy that she wanted! I resent the idea that the pro-choice movement is anti-life. Because it certainly isn't.
Thanks for the love, y'all.
And boy it would be nice to walk up to someone with a "Your mom chose life!" sticker and point out how glad I am that when my mom chose life, it was because she was at the point in her life when she felt ready and able to care for a child. Shocking, huh? Actually caring enough for the future child to make sure one was able to care for them... instead of having one because someone else doesn't care whether a women has whatever she feels she needs - mental, physical, financial, emotional capabilities - to care for the child at that point in her life.
I remember Susan Wicklund, one of my abortion heroes, quoting someone in her book: "Women who get abortions are good mothers." I think that is an awesome way to think about it.
This is a good distinction. I grew up in a conservative religious setting where everyone was pro-life, but nobody would have dreamed of spending a Saturday morning screaming at frightened teenagers at an abortion clinic.
I've confronted anti-choice "pro-lifers" who were handing out literature on campus by asking them if they were in favor of the death penalty? Of course. Did they support the war in Iraq? Of course. Then how can you call yourself pro-life? No answer. I usually avoid engaging with these people, but they approached me and wouldn't let me walk by until I had accepted a pamphlet.
I respect people who are against abortion personally but allow for others to have opposing viewpoints.
When I was at activist training at Planned Parenthood, they pointed out that if someone is pro-life for themselves but pro-choice for everyone else, then they are pro-choice. But a lot of people who say that about their beliefs don't want to be categorized as pro-choice because it holds a stigma in a lot of circles.
I've tried the meat argument before, just a warning, it doesn't usually work. The same people who will hold up signs at clinics and shoot doctors through their kitchen windows in front of their families are the same kind of people who will argue that a human life is somehow more valid than an animal, no matter what stage. I am not saying that's the belief I hold - I personally feel that to call yourself pro-life you should include all life. That means no hunting or fishing and no war. Shooting wolves from a helicopter doesn't classify you as pro-life (I'm looking at you here, Sarah Palin).
Something has been bothering me for a while now. More and more, I hear (or read) people say they are "personally pro-life" but don't want to stop other women from obtaining abortions. I feel like anti-choice (I've stopped using the term "pro-life") rhetoric has convinced a lot of pro-choicers that abortion is wrong, shameful, and/or tragic.
If you don't want to outlaw abortion or stop women from making reproductive choices including abortion, you are pro-choice. It is a political term that describes how you feel about the law, NOT a term describing whether or not you personally would have an abortion.
The decision you'd make about your own pregnancy has nothing to do with whether or not you're pro-choice. There is no need to qualify your belief that abortion is a valid option that should remain legal with a statement re: what you would do in that situation.
Beautiful post. Really. You made many valid points.
SarahMC, I had never really thought of that point. There really are many people that claim to be pro-life (or anti-choice) but agree that other people may have different views, and that those views should be respected. It makes no sense that they would claim to be anti-choice when they are obviously for choice. I just never thought to bring that up to them until now.
I am pro-choice, because I am pro-life. I know that the abortion rate does not drop when abortion is illegal, but that maternal death rate skyrockets because of unsafe abortions. Less death occurs when abortion is legal. Period.
Some reasonable anti-abortion people see my point and accept it. Most tell me, "When abortion is illegal and women choose to abort, they get what they deserve if they die." I usually ask them if Jesus would be so unkind, and quote scripture at them. Ha. :) Either that or I say, "So it's not really about life then is it? It's about punishing the sluts."
I want to reduce the need. Make it much easier to raise a child. Make it so that no pregnancy ever bankrupts a person. Make it so that adoption is a choice without stigma. If all that happens and a woman still chooses to abort, so be it. I wish it weren't so, but some women just will never want to carry a fetus to term. And that's their choice. But working to reduce the need for abortions is a good, good thing. Honestly, how many women would still do it if they didn't feel they had to? Not near as many, I think.
I know that this probably wouldn't work, which is honestly one more reason why these people piss me off--they want the birthrate to skyrocket, and they do not care about animal life at all. They are as anti-environmentalist as they are anti-woman. Hence the bear/child example--were there a bear threatening my hypothetical child, yes I would try to save the child if it meant harming the bear. If a female friend of mine were pregnant and the pregnancy would cause harm to her, I would strongly encourage her to have an abortion, and probably pay for it myself if she couldn't. And if there were a human threatening a hypothetical child--well, I'd stop hir, too.
As someone who has had an abortion at the age of 19, I can tell you that it is not a fun experience but it was one that was necessary. I was a smart, educated, white women who had my whole life ahead of me and a child was not in my life plan at 19. I knew I was not going to marry my boyfriend at the time, who got me pregnant, and I knew I did not want to be a single mother either. Accidents happen...
Dawn--
Exactly. Let sie who is without sin cast the first stone.
Compassion is lost on anti-choicers.
I'm glad you were able to go on with your life.
I am having a hard time with this pro-life versus anti-choice thing. I understand that some people are more extreme than others but all the pro-choice people I know and love don't think abortion should be legal which sounds like the absence of a choice to me. I agree that the extreme anti-choice groups are doing horrible things but fighting for a cause works better than fighting against someone else's.
Staples--
I know, and when you get down to the heart of it, you're right: pro-lifers, no matter how kind they are, are against choice if they're against legalized abortion. The thing is though, after being raised the way I was and then experiencing the true awfulness of the extreme anti-choicers, it's hard for me to imagine the ordinary pro-lifers I knew turning into those people. I mean, the extreme anti-choicers have gone so far as to murder doctors who perform abortions. Would my parents ever do that? No.
Also...I feel as though I can debate the issue of abortion with the people I know and grew up with without feeling as though my life is in danger, or that I'm going to be followed home and stalked, or that they're just going to laugh in my face. Ordinary pro-lifers can respect dissenting viewpoints (as can most pro-choicers as far as I've seen)...those antis couldn't.
I'm not saying you're wrong, and I'm certainly not following in my family's footsteps with regard to political beliefs. I'm an Obama-supporting clinic escort, my mother is in love with Sarah Palin and just doesn't get it about how awful crisis pregnancy centers are. But it's really difficult for me to dismiss non-violent, non-hateful pro-lifers after seeing just how bad the extreme anti-choicers can be.
Since I'm taking my first Women and Gender Studies course, my eyes have really been opened. I've always been pro-choice for many different reasons. Why people go about their lives and fight for something that they don't have all the information about beforehand confuses me. I'm a sophomore in college, so I don't know much about the controversial issues as I'd like, but there are many people my age that I wish would read both sides of a situation before they choose what side they agree with or defend. Abortion is a classic example of a subject where many people remained uninformed.
Great post-- thanks for pointing out the difference between pro-life and anti-choice.
One issue I've been struggling with personally is the issue you raised about eating meat and being pro-life. I'm pro-choice and I'm vegan. I believe that humans are just another species that has evolved as every other species on earth has, and that we have no special privileged position above other animals
The way I've thought about this is that I'm not opposed to eating meat as a general moral principle, but I am adamantly opposed to eating animals raised on factory farms. I also choose not to eat meat because of the environmental damage livestock causes, and because of health reasons. Of course, these reasons are completely separate from the decision to have an abortion or not. Are there any other vegetarians who are grappling with this issue?
Great article. I considered myself "pro-life" when I was thirteen or fourteen, not having any kind of sex life, and living with my conservative family. But I think my turnaround started when I read about a 13-year-old mentally challenged girl in Mexico, who had been raped and impregnated by her father. She had the mind of a seven or eight year old and still could not comprehend what was happening to her; she thought she was just "getting fat." Her mother was fortunate enough to get away from the horrible abusive father, but had all kinds of trouble with the law when she tried to get her daughter an abortion (in Mexico, at the time, it was legal in cases of rape/incest, but there was a lot of bureaucracy and red tape in the process.) I remember thinking that this poor girl, the same age as me, would be traumatized if forced to give birth, and how likely it would be that her baby would be horribly affected by all kinds of genetic disorders. I concluded that an abortion really would be the best thing for the girl in this situation, and probably in other situations as well.
That was seven or eight years ago; since then I've become a feminist, more liberal, and definitely more Pro-Choice. But I don't know if I would call myself "Pro-Abortion," because I think it really is up to the woman. It can be expensive, invasive, uncomfortable, and it should never be forced upon a woman (thank goodness for abortion counselors) or used for birth control--but it still needs to be an option. Making abortion illegal won't end it (something Anti-Choicers and Pro-Lifers alike never seem to understand), and while birth control and contraception education could lower the rates, it would not end it, either.
Would I want to live in a world where there was no need for abortion? Of course. But that's not this world: unplanned pregnancies can and do happen, and often abortion is the best choice. A woman has a right to live her life without being forced to take care of a child she resents, and a child deserves to be treated with love and care. Anything less is inhumane.