You shouldn't feel at all ridiculous. He violated you and your friend is treating it like it's no big deal. It's not just "cheating." He touched you in a sexual way even when you tried to make him stop. You trusted him enough to sleep in a bed with him, and he abused that. Shelly is probably trying to rationalize it because she loves him. Ask her how she thinks he'll act if one day he wants to have sex and she doesn't.

He's an asshole, and you're very much within your rights to be upset, particularly since your friend is trying to convince you that what he did was okay. If you can get him in trouble for the alcohol without getting yourself in trouble, go ahead.

Don't feel ridiculous. I think it's ridiculous that our friend is willing to overlook the fact that her wonderful boyfriend was fondling another woman while she was passed out. I think this kind of stuff happens a lot and people usually don't say anything. I think you're pretty brave to have confronted them.

You have no reason to feel ridiculous. Being asleep (or being drunk or even passed out for that matter) is not an excuse for someone who is "curious" to violate you. If you feel violated, then you were. I hope one day that your friend can realize what you are going through. If not, the feministing community is always here!

You have no reason to feel ridiculous. Being asleep (or being drunk or even passed out for that matter) is not an excuse for someone who is "curious" to violate you. If you feel violated, then you were. I hope one day that your friend can realize what you are going through. If not, the feministing community is always here!

I just wanted to tell you that your story is very close to my own. I've had the same feelings you've got, feeling like I'm making a big deal when other women survive so much more, all of that. Its difficult because we don't exactly have a category, and it's rare that we'll hear stories similar to our own.

I just wanted to reach out and let you know you're not alone. I thought it was fucked too, when it happened to me.

Hmmmmmm!

One, you claim all 3 of your were drinking heavily and slept together in the same bed but that you (or both you and your female friend) aren't supposed to be drinking given the legal drinking age and he provided the booze.

Two, you claim he "felt you up" and you described all these pyschological, emotional, reactions you felt in response, including the things you did afterwards.

My feed-back, if I'm correct in the above, you and your girlfriend should go to jail for the rest of your life (without parole) for breakng the drinking laws. Her boyfriend (and your former male friend) should be put to death (via the gas chamber) for buying your drinks when he knew it was illegal and for feeling you up (regardless of whether you were drunk or sleep, because he agreed to be in a monogamous relationship versus open-relationship with another woman).

Like you said: "No matter how small or how big what he did was, it still wasn't right and he needs to have consequences for it." Well I agree. But then why let yourself off the hook for your illegal drinking, let your female friend off the hook for her illegal drinking, and punish him so midly -- especially since you want to psychologicall, emotionally, and physically give this "violated" meaning to the incident:) All three of you "violated" a legal and moral laws of some sort and should pay the consquences, and for the rest of your life, for not one of you should be permitted to have made a human mistake, no matter what any mitigating circumstances or excuses. If this punishment sounds absurd or harsh, then perhaps you'll be a tad bit more redeemptive (forgiving) of yourself for drinking, for your female friend drinking, and for her drunken friend providing those drinks, for his feeling you up (versus RAPING YOU), for his denial it once busted, and for his girlfrien (and your female friend) forgiving him because love makes us do silly shit like that when a loveone does something mildly wrong. Remember, YOU put your stuff out there in public, so if what I wrote disturbs then, then hey, consider this opinion punishment for your having violated the rules of privacy:)

P.S. In retrospect, you should have not been drinking unless it was legal (since you insist all human beings must obey the laws whether technical or moral). Two, you should have gotten up at the very minute he felt you up or in the morning and spoken to him one-on-one without your female friend present, and made it clear to him you felt "uncomfortable" vs violated with him "feeling you up" and for "messing with another woman" when he was in a monogamous relationship -- which, of course, assumes you'd had no knowlege of his girlfriend having cheated on him ... which raises the question, what should her punishment be for doing that, capital punishment too .... hmmmmm! Funny how all three of your are guilty of so many wrongs but let yourselves off the hook, consequence wise, but are quick to wanna throw the book at another person:) It is wonderful how morality and punishment are so self-serving:) I wonder what you would have done if it had been your girlfriend "feeling you up" (acting out some repressed bi-curious desires) cuz of the booze:)

First of all, I want to thank Nattles Thing, Nyx, Emily, and Alexandra for their support. You're great and I needed to hear what you said. Thank you.

One, you claim all 3 of your were drinking heavily
Don't tell me what I "claimed". She and I were drinking heavily. He did not. I had more liquor than him and I'm less than half his weight and I was still coherent. He was not drunk and admitted as much.

Well I agree. But then why let yourself off the hook for your illegal drinking, let your female friend off the hook for her illegal drinking.
There's a difference between doing something morally wrong and doing something legally wrong. Yes, I broke a law. It's not the first time, it won't be the last time. I personally do not feel there is anything morally wrong with drinking at age 18. I do feel there is something morally wrong with copping a feel on a sleeping person, though it probably isn't a serious legal offense (or prosecutable anyway) which is why I dealt with it personally. I could understand the hypocrisy you're seeing if I wrote an entire entry about how evil he is for breaking the law, but that's not what I did.

All three of you "violated" a legal and moral laws of some sort and should pay the consquences, and for the rest of your life, for not one of you should be permitted to have made a human mistake, no matter what any mitigating circumstances or excuses.
Um. How is he paying for what he did for the rest of his life? Where did I say that he should? I didn't report him to the police, I simply have refused to be friends with him anymore and informed his girlfriend of his actions.

f this punishment sounds absurd or harsh, then perhaps you'll be a tad bit more redeemptive (forgiving) of yourself for drinking, for your female friend drinking, and for her drunken friend providing those drinks, for his feeling you up (versus RAPING YOU), for his denial it once busted, and for his girlfrien (and your female friend) forgiving him because love makes us do silly shit like that when a loveone does something mildly wrong.
Were YOU drunk when you posted this? Just curious.

Remember, YOU put your stuff out there in public, so if what I wrote disturbs then, then hey, consider this opinion punishment for your having violated the rules of privacy:)
You're punishing me for posting on an internet blog? Uh, pardon me, but I don't want to be part of your domination fantasies.

Hmmmmmm!

"There's a difference between doing something morally wrong and doing something legally wrong. Yes, I broke a law. It's not the first time, it won't be the last time. I personally do not feel there is anything morally wrong with drinking at age 18. I do feel there is something morally wrong with copping a feel on a sleeping person, though it probably isn't a serious legal offense (or prosecutable anyway) which is why I dealt with it personally. I could understand the hypocrisy you're seeing if I wrote an entire entry about how evil he is for breaking the law, but that's not what I did."

No, I don't have any "domination fantasies" about you. But if that self-rationalization makes you feel good about the above self-serving hypocrasy then so be it. Perhaps your male friend thinks in a self-serving way like you in that he doesn't feel there is anything wrong with feeling you up. My point being -- YOU let yourself off the hook while you want to privately and publicly punish him. Yes, I saw the "so called supportive comments" of the others. My response, they too are FOS. They should have helped you to grow up, mature, and realize you inflated a mild mistake on your male friend's part, his girlfriend, and yours. YOU breaking the law was more grave an offense than his feeling you up. But you admit, you want to cherry-pick which legal and non-legal behaviors in the world you find excuseable and which you find in-excusable ... as long as it serves YOUR SELF INTERESTS:)

Again, my opinion, grow up, mature, go tell your two friends you're sorry for blowing the incident out of proportion, and let it never happend again between any of you ... and strive to become life long meaningful friends who set boundaries but also forgive each other ... it's called LOVE. This is must my opinion. Ignore it if it doesn't validate that self-serving-mentality you clearly confess too .... breaking the law when it suits you but wanting to punish others when it suits you. What was your PUNISHMENT for illegal drinking ... regardless of your disagreement with the law.

P.S. In retrospect, you should have not been drinking unless it was legal (since you insist all human beings must obey the laws whether technical or moral).
Um, no, I don't. Don't put words in my mouth.

Two, you should have gotten up at the very minute he felt you up
Hindsight is always 20/20.

or in the morning and spoken to him one-on-one without your female friend present, and made it clear to him you felt "uncomfortable" vs violated with him "feeling you up" and for "messing with another woman" when he was in a monogamous relationship
It's really not your place to tell me how I should have dealt with the situation. I dealt with it in the way I felt most appropriate. I was not comfortable discussing it with him.

-- which, of course, assumes you'd had no knowlege of his girlfriend having cheated on him ... which raises the question, what should her punishment be for doing that, capital punishment too .... hmmmmm!
Seriously, what the fuck kind of reading glasses are you wearing that "I told his girlfriend" looks like "HE NEEDS TO BE PUT TO DEATH!!!"? Where are you getting this bullshit? Besides that, it's really not my place to put consequences on her, it's her boyfriend's (as far as their relationship goes). If he wanted to break up with her I certainly wouldn't try to say he was in the wrong simply because I'm her friend.

Funny how all three of your are guilty of so many wrongs but let yourselves off the hook, consequence wise, but are quick to wanna throw the book at another person:)
So many wrong doings? Wow. You must know us terribly well to be making this judgement.

I wonder what you would have done if it had been your girlfriend "feeling you up" (acting out some repressed bi-curious desires) cuz of the booze:)
Well, first of all, she wouldn't have grabbed my ass like that. However, if she rubbed my back? I wouldn't have cared. We just have that kind of relationship. That doesn't mean I'm okay with everyone else in the world touching me that way though. Look at it this way: You most likely let your significant other fuck you. That doesn't mean there's an open invitation to everyone else to do the same though.

P.S. Is there a reason your post is absolutely peppered with text smilies? Do you feel they drive your point home?

OneVoice, all other ridiculousness aside, and even if one allows that drinking alcohol underage is "wrong" (which I don't think it is at age 18, and I think most reasonable people would agree), you have a rather glaring hole in your argument that these "crimes" are similar. An individual drinking alcohol (in and of itself...this does not encompass dumb decisions one might make while drinking) affects directly only the life/body/experiences of the one consuming it -- as opposed to the act of feeling up the body of a sleeping person.

Hmmmmmm!
That isn't nearly as cute as you think it is.

No, I don't have any "domination fantasies" about you
Hey, you're the one who was talking about punishing me and putting me in my place.

But if that self-rationalization makes you feel good about the above self-serving hypocrasy then so be it.
Until you can spell hypocrisy, I'm not going to take you terribly seriously.

My point being -- YOU let yourself off the hook while you want to privately and publicly punish him.
MY ACTIONS DID NOT VIOLATE ANYONE ELSE. How do you not see the difference? Yes, I broke the law, but I did not infringe on anyone else's rights. If I went out for a joy ride while wasted I could see your point, but that's not what happened.

YOU breaking the law was more grave an offense than his feeling you up.
Know what's funny? In many developed countries it's perfectly legal to drink at 18. It's not, however, legal to grope people against their will in any of them.

But you admit, you want to cherry-pick which legal and non-legal behaviors in the world you find excuseable and which you find in-excusable ... as long as it serves YOUR SELF INTERESTS:)
If you have a problem with under-aged drinking, fine. However, it's hardly hypocritical to call someone else on their bad behavior just because you yourself are not perfect.

Again, my opinion, grow up, mature, go tell your two friends you're sorry for blowing the incident out of proportion, and let it never happend again between any of you ... and strive to become life long meaningful friends who set boundaries but also forgive each other ... it's called LOVE.
Laughing my ass off here. If he loved me he would have had more respect for me. I can forgive a lot, but I can't forgive someone treating me like their own personal grope-doll because I'm incapacitated.

This is must my opinion. Ignore it if it doesn't validate that self-serving-mentality you clearly confess too
Funny, I don't remember confessing to that.

Self-serving? What do I possibly have to gain by losing a friend and feeling betrayed?

.... breaking the law when it suits you but wanting to punish others when it suits you. What was your PUNISHMENT for illegal drinking ... regardless of your disagreement with the law.
As a friend, he knew I'm not okay with people touching me like that. He has seen me react negatively to men doing similar things to me before. It doesn't have all that much to do with legality, it's about him not respecting my feelings or my body. He wanted to grab my ass and waited 'till I wasn't conscious to do it. If it was really just a crazy, ill-thought out mistake he would have came on to me while I was awake.

SLK,

I don't intend or wish to make light of the incident you shared. I agree, his "feeling you up" while drink or not drunk was wrong -- whether in the legal sense or non-consensual moral sense.

However, YOU also were wrong in your behaviors. This does not mitigate or excuse his behavior. But his behavior does not excuse yours.

In short, he needs to never again do such behavior to you or any female. I'm sure you and I can agree on that. But YOU also must recognize your own behaviors -- those which are illegal, immoral, hypocritical, and self-serving. You want to distinquish between your illegal drink and his perhaps non-illegal non-consensual feeling you up. Well you can do that, for the sake of blogging clarity. But to then go further and inflate his behavior as a "violation" suggest you want to pyschologically, emotionally, and publicly punish him even more. Why? You already punished him, punished his girlfriend, but then let yourself off the hook. You were judge, jury, and excusioner in a self-serving, hypocritcal, way. I don't read any redemption in what you wrong. But I do see self-serving-immaturity, where you as a young adult are going to cherry pick whatever laws and morales you like to break for yourself but then punish others if they should also cherry pick which ones they want to break, especially if such impact YOU.

OneVoice, all other ridiculousness aside, and even if one allows that drinking alcohol underage is "wrong" (which I don't think it is at age 18, and I think most reasonable people would agree), you have a rather glaring hole in your argument that these "crimes" are similar. An individual drinking alcohol (in and of itself...this does not encompass dumb decisions one might make while drinking) affects directly only the life/body/experiences of the one consuming it -- as opposed to the act of feeling up the body of a sleeping person.
Thank you, exactly!

I drank in a private home, I did not drive, I did not risk hurting anyone (expect perhaps myself). What he did affected another person.

"It's really not your place to tell me how I should have dealt with the situation. I dealt with it in the way I felt most appropriate. I was not comfortable discussing it with him."

Oh no, you didn't say this, lol. You got on this public space, put this incident out there, and you claim I had not "public right" to comment about what I think you should have done. Sure, I feel you. In other words, as long as "I tell you want you want to hear, affirm what you did" then you welcome my feed-back. Girlfriend, you truly are self-rationalzing, self-serving, self-defensive, lol.

My suggestion, in the future, please put a DISCLAIMER ABOVE YOUR POSTS: If you don't tell me what I want to hear, or disagree with me in part or whole, I don't want your feed-back or opinion, lol! I think that will work:)

"It's really not your place to tell me how I should have dealt with the situation. I dealt with it in the way I felt most appropriate. I was not comfortable discussing it with him."

Oh no, you didn't say this, lol. You got on this public space, put this incident out there, and you claim I had not "public right" to comment about what I think you should have done. Sure, I feel you. In other words, as long as "I tell you want you want to hear, affirm what you did" then you welcome my feed-back. Girlfriend, you truly are self-rationalzing, self-serving, self-defensive, lol.

My suggestion, in the future, please put a DISCLAIMER ABOVE YOUR POSTS: If you don't tell me what I want to hear, or disagree with me in part or whole, I don't want your feed-back or opinion, lol! I think that will work:)

Oh no, you didn't say this, lol. You got on this public space, put this incident out there, and you claim I had not "public right" to comment about what I think you should have done.
Stop using quotation marks as if you're citing something I said. I didn't say shit about your "public right". Of course you have the RIGHT to. I just don't think it's polite to march in and tell me I should have done blah, blah, and blah as if your way is the only appropriate response.

Sure, I feel you. In other words, as long as "I tell you want you want to hear, affirm what you did" then you welcome my feed-back.
If you want to disagree with me using Earth logic and leave a comment that's not riddled with typos, I'll be more receptive.

KG,

The drinking was a crime. I don't know whether the guy feeling her up was a crime. It might be. What he did and what she did was not similar. They were distinct, different, behaviors. My argument was simple. He was wrong. She was wrong. All three were wrong. Excusing her drinking, their drinking, which we know is illegal, simply lets her off the look, to focus exclusively on his wrong and punishing him. What did she learn -- nothing, except it is okay to punish others for doing wrong but not be accountable herself if she did a wrong. If she believes drinking at age 18 should be permitted then, yes, break the law -- and also seek to organize with others to lower the drinking age. But recognize SHE did something wrong too. It does not excuse his behavior. Nor did I equate their wrongs to be comparable or equal. This is why in my silly exaggeration, I gave her and her female friend a life prison sentence and the guy the death penalty -- for his buying drinks, a non-consensual sexual act, and breaching his supposed monogamous contract:)

But, no, girlfriend wants to punish him ONLY and let herself off the hook. She even wants to inflate his non-consensual behavior to a quasi-rape level of offense, in using the word VIOLATED her. Her sense of morality, justice, feminism speaks to self-serving hypocrasy with a twist of male-bashing eogism ... because she does not hold herself accountable for her actions. Why does she get to break the law because she doesn't agree with it, because she wants to drink, and thus that serves her self-interest. But then this guy does not also get to self-rationalize getting his self-interest met, such as feeling her up when he is tipsy or drunk or not drunk.

SLK needs to go to jail for life, lol. Her girlfriend needs to go to jail for life too, and maybe do hard-labor for cheating on her boyfriend, lol. And the boyfriend needs to be put to death in the gas chamber, lol. Now, just like SLK, I'm played the role of judge, jury, and executioner ... in cyberspace, of course, based on my values and self-serving interests.

But to then go further and inflate his behavior as a "violation" suggest you want to pyschologically, emotionally, and publicly punish him even more. Why? You already punished him, punished his girlfriend, but then let yourself off the hook.
You really aren't making sense.

Inflated his behavior as a violation? I felt violated! Maybe you would not have in the same situation, but everyone has their own perspective.

You say I want to punish him when I've already punished him enough. What does that even mean? I'm not trying to punish him further at all (nor did I say anywhere that I wanted to)! I told his girlfriend because she deserved to know, I'm not going to have any further contact with him because I can't trust him, and I informed a friend of mine who works at his school so if something like this ever comes up in the future, someone knows he has done it before. In all, three people (other than him) know about the situation. This is hardly a public humiliation. If I was really just out to get him I wouldn't have changed their names in my post and would have told everyone we know about what happened.

I did not punish his girlfriend in any way. I told her because I knew she would have wanted to know, not to hurt her. She was glad I was open with her.

You were judge, jury, and excusioner in a self-serving, hypocritcal, way.
Executioner? Someone is being a bit melodramatic. I did not destroy his life, I simply don't want to see him again and felt his girlfriend had a right to know about what went on!

You still haven't told me what I'm supposedly getting out of all this. Self-serving? How on Earth in breaking up my trio of friends going to make me feel good?

I don't read any redemption in what you wrong.
You bet your ass you don't. My actions didn't hurt anyone!

But I do see self-serving-immaturity, where you as a young adult are going to cherry pick whatever laws and morales you like to break for yourself but then punish others if they should also cherry pick which ones they want to break, especially if such impact YOU.
That's exactly it. His choice impacted me. My choice impacted NO ONE.

But, no, girlfriend wants to punish him ONLY and let herself off the hook.
HOW DID I PUNISH HIM? I told his girlfriend because I thought she needed to know! I stopped being his friend because I just don't trust him anymore!

Where did I say I was pressing charges or trying to ruin his life?

She even wants to inflate his non-consensual behavior to a quasi-rape level of offense, in using the word VIOLATED her.
Get a fucking dictionary. Violation is not the same thing as rape. You can feel violated when someone breaks into your house, you can feel violated if someone sends a virus to your computer, you can feel violated if someone listens in a phone call.

Please, everyone, just ignore OneVoice. SLK, it's okay, you shouldn't feel ridiculous about it at all and you CERTAINLY aren't obligated to defend yourself against OneVoice's laughable-if-they-weren't-so-pitiful "concerns."

P.S. On the topic of you "punishing" him: in a perfect world, you'd be able to "get him" on sexual misconduct or something akin to it, since that is what he did.

"Yes, I broke the law, but I did not infringe on anyone else's rights."

Tell that to the judge when he finds you guilty of break the law and puts you away for life.

I guess now I can smoke crack in my house, lol, because it doesn't infringe upon anyone else's rights -- sure I can, lol.

SLK, I'm not some law-and-order fanatic or Republican, lol. I found it absurd that military persons could not drink because they were age 18 (under 21) but yet old enough to serve and die for their country. So I know many laws (and norms and values) can be unreasonable, irrational, and serve no real public interest. I simply want you to admit two things -- and don't let yourself off the hook:

1. You were illegally drinking, this breached the law, and you're never, ever, going to do it again ... because drinking can and does impair or inhibit one's judgment at any age ... and if you don't like the law then you'll join a young movement and seek to change it.

2. You over-inflated his "feeling you up" to be a quasi-rape experience, which is was not, and should have simply been firm with him about not doing such again, whether drunk, tipsy, or sober ... or you will prosecute him.

3. You will try to be friends with your girlfriend and him, but making sure all of you know each other's boundaries, and the friendship will be terminated if ever breached again in a non-consexual sexual manner ... be it a kiss, feeling up, and so forth.

Or, 4 ... you can continue to seek empathy and sympathy on this site, bash the guy, and make yourself feel good ... cuz the guilt you're feeling is seeping through your pores.

"If you want to disagree with me using Earth logic and leave a comment that's not riddled with typos, I'll be more receptive."

I'm sorry. You want me to spell check. I can agree to do that, if you're going to be pendantic. I confess, I'm not familar with this mode of reasoning, logic, called "Earth Logic". But I am familar with fallacies of logic and rhetoric, critical thinking, though I'm not a philo major or practitioner.

What I do hope, is you don't think I view what happened to you lightly or am letting this guy off the hook, defending or excusing his actions. If anything I'm writing suggest or infers such, then I apologize. His shit was 100% wrong! I'm just in disagreement with your level of punishment, offline and here online, and how you view your own behavior. Also, no way do I wish to suggest or infer my 20/20 hindsight or opinions are the only way you could have dealt with this incident, before the fact or after the fact. I was not in your shoes, now and then. I am just sharing my opinion, just like all the others posting here -- noting you seem to have no problem with those opinions that 100% affirm yours, then and now. Perhaps all of you are rightly thinking, perhaps its feminist-group-think, perhaps my being male (though I doubt it) make me less insightful and empathetic.

Perhaps I should be elected VP instead of Palin that only pretend to affirm, empower, and support 151 million American or 3.5 Billion women world wide. Sorry, that was a digression, lol.

SLK, what he did to you was definitely a violation. I'd even call it sexual assault.
I applaud you for telling your friend about it and confronting him.
I'm sorry your friend is still with him, because this can't help but drive a wedge between you, which sucks. Hopefully, she'll see sense and dump him.
And speaking of people who suck -- OneTroll, take your victim blaming, slut shaming ass back under that bridge. It misses you!
Feministers, any chance of pulling out the Troll-Be-Gone??

To everyone else: What is this obsession OneTroll (thanks, JetGirl!) has with being "put away for life"? I mean, people almost never get "put away for life" and when they do it's generally for [allegedly] doing things so spectacularly violent that the law, as a written law to beaurocratically enforce, is sort of beside the point and the bigger issue is the sheer moral outrage it would cause in anyone not sociopathic. Weird.

"Please, everyone, just ignore OneVoice. SLK, it's okay, you shouldn't feel ridiculous about it at all and you CERTAINLY aren't obligated to defend yourself against OneVoice's laughable-if-they-weren't-so-pitiful "concerns."

There you go -- group-think! Notice the 100% affirmation of your behavior SLK -- not even a soft critique of your breaking the law or your rationalizations for doing it. Yep, judge others but don't judge yourself. Well, all I can say is, there are 150 milliion men and 3 million on the planet who for centuries have been saying and doing the same thing to most women ... "ignoring them, devaluing their voice, rationalzing it should be silenced, and so forth" ... for many of self-serving rationales, the least of which is ... women weren't telling men what they want to hear ... women didn't agree 100% with whatever perceptions, explanations, and feelings about reality the men have .... sounds like some women on here are picking up men's bad mental/logic habits:)

Nonetheless, SLK, I do respect your cyberpspace right to ignore me ... because we disagree in part or for any other reason.

Um, why is this OneVoice on here? Why are they spending so much time on this thread just to insult someone? Go and play in your sandbox and stop wasting everybody's time.

Salty, I do not think you should feel bad. However, I think your friend is pretty good for believing you and berating her boyfriend, since most women probably wouldn't even do that. She loves him, so I wouldn't be that pissed that she didn't leave him over it. But that said, I agree with most posters here - he's a creep. What sort of explanation is 'curious'!? What is wrong with people when they think they have the right to do this, and other people defend them?

"Um, why is this OneVoice on here?"

My answer, for the same reason why YOU are permitted to be on this planet. The last time I check, there are 7 billion of us, and I can assure you we don't all agree on many if not most things, lol. But hopefully we'll learn to use our respective POWER to not turn those disagreements into warfare or censorship. If we do, I can assure you, given our patriarchial world, sites like feministing.com would not exist.

Get my point!

SLK -

1 - What he did was wrong, how your friend tried to cover for him was wrong - and hopefully she'll understand that and apologize. If not, find a new friend.

2- Drunk or not, THIS WAS NOT YOUR FAULT. HE should be held responsible for HIS decision to grope you, which would have happened regardless of how old you are, ie.21 or not; so OneTroll can fuck right off and take his pseudo-accountability bullshit with him.

3 - Thanks for sharing your story, and sticking up for yourself. Both take a tremendous amount of courage and integrity.

OneTroll:
Does being male automatically make you less empathetic when discussing rape? No, but maybe it helps. Sadly. Just like how the anonymity of the internet helps people achieve levels of utter douchebaggery they could only dream about in the mundane world.
A lot of men are raised to believe that women exist for their own use, and you seem to be no different.

If this happened to your friend, your sister, or your girlfriend, would you talk to them like this? Try putting yourself in someone else's shoes before passing your idiotic little judgements. Underage drinking is not a crime of the same severity as unwanted sexual attention, anymore than jaywalking is the same as arson. You're drawing a false parallel and if that has to be explained and spelt out for you, then you're the one that has the growing up to do.

OneVoice, I'm not asking why they're 'letting' you be here, I'm asking why on earth it's so interesting for you to be here, insulting everyone.If you want to be noticed, how about making your own post on community? I don't know if they'll let it go through, since I'm sure they have hundreds of anti-feminist people trying to post, but hey, at least you'd have a separate discussion instead of using this thread.

sounds like some women on here are picking up men's bad mental/logic habits

HAHAHA. Oh, believe me, you do not want to talk "logic" with me. The "groupthink" thing is also especially funny considering my handle here.

(Sorry guys, couldn't really help it, it was too unintentionally ironic).

Hey SLK - Sorry again that you had this shitty experience and that your thread has been infested with the annoying troll.

Annoying Troll - Not that you care, but this is a forum in which people generally show respect for each other - even when the view points expressed differ. Now, ever