I agree with you that if something turns someone on they should be able to do it without feeling terrible about themselves, to an extent. Obviously we will exclude, children, animals and non-consenting individuals from this equation. That said, my issue with porn isn’t the porn, it’s the porn industry. If the porn industry demanded that the “actors” use contraceptives, get tested regularly and have access to healthcare (psychological and physical) I would have less reservations about it. The fact is that men and women who have been abused sexually or sometimes physically develop unhealthy sexual practices. I’m not saying having a fetish is unhealthy unless that fetish comes from a place of pain. A lot of sex workers and adult film workers have been abused (sexually and physically). Statistically abused people are more likely to have low self-esteem and unhealthy attachments to people, hence where the porn thing comes in. If these adult film makers had sex for enjoyment and got paid for it that would be a whole different story. A lot of women in porn re-create their abuse “scenes” as a way of empowering themselves or trying to find some comfort with what happened. But the fact is that they do it for money and most pornography is very male-oriented. As in it does not focus on pleasing the woman but rather just “fucking the shit out of her”. Also women get paid less than men do.

I’m not saying this is the case for all adults who have sex for money, but the fact is that if regular jobs paid better there would probably be less people working in the sex industry. I don’t want to call myself “sex-positive” because that means there are feminists who are “sex-negative” and I don’t believe that. The further we divide ourselves the less we will accomplish. I think “sex-negative” feminism doesn’t exist. I think Everyone’s perceptions of sex are skewed and this is because of the terrible sex ed classes we have to suffer through. Just ask the people around you what the definition of sex is? Is it intercourse? Is sex defined by when a man ejaculates and so forth? Sex is such a loaded topic and has rarely been addressed to include the LGBTQ community. I think because most people are so poorly educated about it, they fear the unknown and so they stick with what they have learned from family/friends/television/porn. So I think the key to solving this problem is teaching people about sex and re-defining what sex is so that it isn’t so male centered.

PS I’m really sick and tired of going to Halloween stores to find playboy costumes instead of regular costumes. Halloween stores seem like sex shops now : (

Right on, keep the label! While it's true that we don't want to ruin our common goals by becoming tiny, hyperspecialized sub-communities - this is a biggie! And it's important to talk about. I suspect people who fall back on the "you're being divisive" argument really mean "you are making me think about an issue I don't want to" and trying to maintain the dominance of their own opinion on the matter.

I guess I'm beginning to get a much clearer picture of what motivated the "sex-positive" title in many cases. I understand that your fear of being judged or labeled because of your fetishes or kinks can make you cling to a title like this. What I don't understand is where the conviction comes from that that's what the rest of us are doing here. I sincerely hope that none of my words have been interpreted that way. I don't believe I've ever said anything about how people who have certain fetishes or kinks are evil and should be prohibited from acting on them. In general I despise paternalistic politics, so this just isn't consistent with my position.

What I object to is the fact that you accept the sex-negative characterization of feminism that has been imposed on us by people who are not feminists, and who in fact are generally our opponents. It's a classical type of ad hominem attack, to make your opponent's position appear silly and indefensible. So I'll say it again: feminism is not sex-negative. Period. And I for one will never accept that characterization of it. I don't believe that I'm not sex-nagative merely because I don't think that heterosexual sex is rape. My thoughts on heterosexual relations are much more nuanced than that. I don't think that every sexually submissive woman hates herself or that all porn is bad. And I would hope that most feminists are a little more sophisticated and thoughtful than to make general blanket statements like that. But it's really important that we not cut off or limit dialogue and analysis concerning complicated things like porn, prostitution, the construction of female sexuality in our culture, etc by labeling people and dismissing their positions. Please tell me we can be more thoughtful and inclusive than that.

One last thought: I guess I'm particularly sensitive about the sex-negative portrayal of feminism because I find myself contantly having to battle against it. I'm at the point where I just cringe when asked about my dissertation topic (post-modern feminism and environmental ethics), because I know that many people will raise their eyebrows and ask me some ridiculous question about feminism. And in my experience the most common misconception is that feminists are all sex-negative man-haters. I assume that it's the opponents of feminism that have managed to work this idea into mainstream America's conception of feminism, and I resent it. I guess in my view we ought not to help our opponents by reconfirming the false view of us that they've created. The proper way to respond to a straw man argument is not to affirm it, but to simply point out that it is a straw man, and then move on graciously.

This is a tough issue, one that I am wrestling with in life and in my art.

I think that the image of mainstream feminists being "sex-negative" is that most of the rhetoric (for good reason) has focused on the things that are wrong with male-female relations. However, there is no prescription for better relationships other than men simply going away.

I understand the anger. But what I struggle with is once feminist grievances are met, will there be a place left for me as a man. I suspect that the women who describe themselves as "sex-positive" feminists feel the same way. They are trying to find a way to include men in the evolution of male-female relations in an encouraging way, rather than giving men a stark choice between despising themselves for their sins or denying that there are serious issues in our society's treatment of women.

As an African-American, I see a parallel concerning White guilt for slavery, Jim Crow, and current structural issues of racism. Emphasizing the negative has only engendered backlash on race issues.

We need to find inclusive ways to approach feminism and sex.

I guess I’m also not ready to agree that critiquing the way in which female sexuality develops within a patriarchal culture is inherently sex-negative. Even if you’re really radical and claim that women can never be sexually autonomous within a patriarchy, this is not necessarily sex-negative. You’re not saying “sex is bad.” I’m also not willing to equate this kind of critique with attacking men. I see these as systemic issues, which are much, much larger than any one person or group. If you can’t deal with the systemic issues then you can forget about addressing the individuals.