You know what I would do?

I would start my own chain mail letter. I know--perish thought, right?

"RAPE PREVENTION Tips! Forward to all your loved ones!!!!"
[note the obligatory multiple exclamation points]

The text would read something like this:

1. When the person you're with tells you "no," even during the act of penetration, DO NOT PROCEED.

2. If the person you're with is intoxicated to the point of coordination loss, slurring of speech, etc. [insert other symptoms], DO NOT have sex with them. You can never be too careful!

3. If the person you're with has collapsed and appears unresponsive (i.e. unconscious), consider calling 911. Under no circumstances initiate [or continue] any sexual contact with them.

4. Reject the notion that a person "owes" you sexual congress because you have taken them out/spent lots of money entertaining them/have waited a long time to have sex with them.

5. Recognize that sex workers--strippers, prostitutes, escorts--are NOT perpetually "open for business" and that CONSENT IS REQUIRED WITH THEM AS WITH ALL OTHER PEOPLE. If you hire a prostitute, you are only entitled to the discrete sexual act you and the sex worker agreed upon, and for which you paid.

6. Know the law. Don't commit crimes; don't become a felon. [insert mini-summary of relevant law]

Anyone else care to add anymore to my "Rape Prevention" email?

"How many times do I have to walk out of a movie that has a brutal rape of a woman in it to justify the vigilante origin story of someone, usually a guy?"
But rape makes a character DEEP... or so a lot of the people writing comics think, anyway (but these are the same people who thought Spiderman selling his marriage to the Marvel equivalent of Satan to save his warmed-over corpse of an aunt was a good idea)...

Okra - YES. This.

--If the person doesn't say yes or is not actively enthusiastic about having sex with you, DO NOT PROCEED. (There doesn't have to be a "no.")
--BDSM is not a free pass for doing whatever you like. Use safewords. If you're into bondage, agree with your partner beforehand about what will and will not happen when s/he is immobilized.

Some high-up (I don't remember her exact job) Michigan State University police officer put an article in the State News about how to not get raped. (This was years ago, when I was a student there.) Naturally, there was a months-long opinion page debate about whether or not women more or less "ask for it." If even police officers feel this way, there's clearly a lot of work to be done.

I completely agree with you about movies and comics-- rape seems to be the "cleanest" way for bad guys to fuck with good guys (by traumatizing "their" women? WHAT THE FUCK is this saying?!?!) while still letting the good guys be fully able-bodied and angry and give them an excuse to want revenge. Apparently there was even a movie in which a character raped his girlfriend in a public space, but because she eventually started liking it, it was considered sexy. (That movie is "Crank," by the way, if you want to ensure you don't see it.)

@Okra, I was thinking the same thing: a reply all with the message like that.

Oh, and add: if someone has ever done something like this to you, it isn't your fault. You deserve care and attention. The person (M/F) that did this to you is a criminal, you're not.

I just got this on myspace from a friend:

Add 'him' to the 'her' please and vice versa, no one should ever be raped and no one should ever rape.

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A lot has been said about how to prevent rape.

Women should learn self-defence. Women should lock themselves in their houses after dark. Women shouldn't have long hair and women shouldn't wear short skirts. Women shouldn't leave drinks unattended. Fuck, they shouldn't dare to get drunk at all.

Instead of that bullshit, how about:

If a woman is drunk, don't rape her.

If a woman is walking alone at night, don't rape her.

If a women is drugged and unconscious, don't rape her.

If a woman is wearing a short skirt, don't rape her.

If a woman is jogging in a park at 5 am, don't rape her.

If a woman looks like your ex-girlfriend you're still hung up on, don't rape her.

If a woman is asleep in her bed, don't rape her.

If a woman is asleep in your bed, don't rape her.

If a woman is doing her laundry, don't rape her.

If a woman is in a coma, don't rape her.

If a woman changes her mind in the middle of or about a particular activity, don't rape her.

If a woman has repeatedly refused a certain activity, don't rape her.

If a woman is not yet a woman, but a child, don't rape her.

If your girlfriend or wife is not in the mood, don't rape her.

If your step-daughter is watching tv, don't rape her.

If you break into a house and find a woman there, don't rape her.

If your friend thinks it's okay to rape someone, tell him it's not, and that he's not your friend.

If your "friend" tells you he raped someone, report him to the police.

If your frat-brother or another guy at the party tells you there's an unconscious woman upstairs and it's your turn, don't rape her, call the police and tell the guy he's a rapist.

Tell your sons, god-sons, nephews, grandsons, sons of friends it's not okay to rape someone.

Don't [just] tell your women friends how to be safe and avoid rape.

Don't imply that she could have avoided it if she'd only done/not done x.

Don't imply that it's in any way her fault.

Don't let silence imply agreement when someone tells you he "got some" with the drunk girl.

Don't perpetuate a culture that tells you that you have no control over or responsibility for your actions. You can, too, help yourself.

If you agree, repost it. It's that important.
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While I do think getting lists like this out there is important I want to encourage everyone to speak up and act out when confronted with the rape culture mindlessly chugging along.

When you are going to the movies, find out ahead of time, is there a rape scene? Inga Muscio awesome book Cunt empowered me to ask and not attend, or walk out and ask for my money back. It is especially important for those of us who *are not* rape survivors to demand these things to make our voices heard so we can lift the burden from the shoulders of those who have been directly victimized, so we make space for their voices. For every young girl told not to walk to the store at night, for every young woman told it was her fault for dressing the way she did, we need to call bullshit. We need to do it all the time.

The erotization of rape must end. It is not the same thing *at all* as a consensual power exchange dynamic. The BDSM community knows this in ways the hetero mainstream community ignores.

@Kate- Killing women in comics (especially the girlfriends/wives of major characters) is pretty common too. The phrase "women in fridges" exists for a reason...

hehe, fuck chain letters anyway...lol

Exquev: Thank you, thank you, tahnk you for that great passage about rape. It's about time it was put so clearly and simply.

It takes into account every situation that a rapist and victim can be in - and for the mysogynists: it sets out clearly that none of these situations can be used as excuses...because they frequently are.

One of my ex-boyfirend's wanted to have anal sex with me. He asked me a lot - I answered "no" every time. But that didn't stop him from sticking his penis in my anus one evening and my wincing in pain and throwing him off me.

His excuse? "Well, I was just trying something new" - and he really thought that was a normal response (because we all know that a woman's body is not hers...especially if she has the audacity to enjoy sex!!) So to all those "date rape isn't real rape" apologists: digest that! Thanks again exquev.

Thanks for the wonderful suggestions for a reply email. Am saving them to my desktop for the next time someone sends me one of those rape-prevention emails . . . or maybe sooner.