similarly, i had two natural, midwife-assisted births (one being better than the other) not because i was lucky, or special, or anything else. i did my research, i educated myself and my husband and i knew what i wanted and what i was going to have to do to get it.

was labour hard? yeah, both my boys were over 9 pounds. with my first labour was 30+ hours. with both i bled profusely after. but i was able to do because i was determined to do it.

Agreed, we need a variety of people's experiences with breastfeeding out there for women to read and witness. I only had pain for a week or so, but I did have a much harder time feeding on the left side than on the right. Plus before my son was born, I was frankly creeped out by the idea of being sucked on- I'd been waiting nine months to stop being leeched from and have my own body back! It was hard to cope with continuing to share, especially with my husband wanting physical closeness too. And this is coming from a very breastfeeding-positive background: my mom never used formula, and she let us breastfeed until age 3 or more. My son stopped at 1 1/2, and it was really his choice. Sometimes I miss it, but most of the time I just LOVE having my body back. I don't think I'd choose differently if I had it to do over again, but that doesn't mean it wasn't really, really hard to do both physically and emotionally.

@ Uberhaufsfrau
Wow 9 lbs. !
just wow.

@SociologicalMe
I had arguments with family members (this was back n 1988) about natural birth and the choice to nurse. They all thought I was insane, so I certainly didn't want to complain or show any of the problems to them. I thought any show of weakness or trouble on my part would make them try harder and maybe succeed in talking me out of it. I had so little familial support that when one of my uncles told me he thought what I was doing was right, and he knew it was a challenge, I broke down and cried.

The health benefits of breastfeeding are immense. Thankfully, my child's father was supportive and I was a member of LLL. I'm grateful to LLL for helping through the difficulties I experienced in those first 3 months of my sons life.
I breastfed for 23 months.

The support I got from my midwife/lactation consultant was really great. Even compared to the assistance my sister got 15 years ago, it was a big difference. I read everything about nursing that I could get my hands on, and I think that helped a lot. One book said to use almond oil for sore nipples because it's thinner and easier to apply than the lanolin they give you, and that helped so much. Also, we're in the middle of a baby boom here, so I had a number of friends and coworkers who were all going through the same thing. Being able to sympathize with each other over the sore nipples and latch-on troubles and share ideas was great.

And wow, uberhausfrau! I thought natural childbirth with a 5lb 6 oz baby was tough!

I think there should be a book about women's experiences with individual chapters written by women like Hara that can give those of us who are experiencing this stuff now some perspective. It makes you feel grateful that there is so much support now.

At the same time, I've had other moms who chose not to breastfeed lash out at me as if I was judging them for not breastfeeding. I never said a word about it; just show up at the daycare everyday at noon to nurse my 10 m/o. I just can't go 8 hours without seeing her, and miss nursing if I'm just pumping all day. I guess all the pro-breastfeeding stuff makes those who don't nurse feel like they're being judged, and that's too bad. The physical and emotional benefits of breastfeeding are undeniable, though.

uberhausfrau: Good for you for having the birth experience you wanted. But please, be careful of your language. This: but i was able to do because i was determined to do it. is seriously not fair. I was determined too. I spent hours and hours in labour. I spent 4 hours, stuck at 7cm dilated and ended up with an emergency c-section. And is sure as hell wasn't because I wasn't determined.

@Luna: I think she might me having to fight the system, not being an uber-mommy. Most insurance co's are resistant to paying for a midwife, in some states a midwife cannot attend a home birth (Indiana).

This is such a mine field of issues. I think our society right now tells us we must be perfect parents, must experience bliss through childbirth and breastfeeding and nurturing. But achieving it all (without even getting into the stay at home vs. working issue) is impossible, but no one admits this. Everyone hides the stuff we can't quite get "right" so we all assume we have failed. As "failures", we feel judged, but we can't figure out who is judging us, so we assume it is other women. To be sure, there are women who are VERY judgemental, but most women I know aren't, they are just struggling.

So the breastfeeder feels judged, the bottle-feeder feels judged, the natural birther feels judged, the c-section birther feels judged, the young mother feels judged, the older mother feels judged, and we all feel like crap because on top of that we aren't "MILFs".

I usually don't wade into these debates because they get mired in all sides blaming each other. I have to force myself to take a breath and remind myself that the person I think is judging me, probably feels judged by me, as well.

One more thing. Women need more information, more honesty, more help. But in doing this, we have to be VERY careful that we don't mythologize the birthing process and nurturing process. It doesn't do anyone any good to turn giving birth into a day we fantasize about like it is a new wedding day. We are creating a new story that we are all going to deliver the baby, lay it on our chests, and have that "magic" moment when we become instantly bonded. The same goes for breastfeeding. If we are all led to believe that breastfeeding will be magical simply because it is "natural" and your body "knows what to do" because we have been doing this for thousands of years, when it doesn't happen, how else are we supposed to feel but like failures?

(If you are curious about my story, breastfeeding was remarkably easy for me, birthing not so much.)

@Mama Mia
as the post says, the truth-
good, bad, ugly and beautiful.

No mythologizing- flat out warnings and reminding people that it is a choice. No one has to give in to societal pressures and have children. No one does it perfectly. There are pros and cons to every choice.
There used to be a lot of mis-information about breast milk, primarily form the chemical companies that produce formula.
My mother was told formula was better than breast milk.
I was told it was too hard to nurse, just use a bottle to "save your nerves" (I nursed and it calmed my nerves).
Many women in less industrially developed countries are getting the same propaganda my mother heard from her doctor in 1966.

Debate exposes misinformation. It doesn't have to be judgment.

Parents are becoming more assertive in general and continue doing research and asking male & female doctors questions.

As parenting becomes more equal and the fathers are participating more actively, things will lighten up for women. With less pressure comes less insecurity, less overwhelmed-ness and less judgment.