The next time some entitled tit
nazi asks, or rather demands, that your friend justify her choice not to breastfeed she should simply say, "I'm curious as to why you feel entitled to that personal information". And leave it at that. Personally, i'm sick, sick, sick, of thise baby worshipping culture that seems to support the idea that women are onlty here to act as vessels or human incubators to bring babies into the world and that anything to do with a baby automatically takes a precedence over anything to do with the needs of the mother. I believe in protecting your child and meeting their needs but as long as this woman is not starving her child there should be no o interference from anyone else. At all. I'm sick of how women become public property once they spawn. The tit nazis act like formula is the same as putting weed killer in your baby's bottle. Enough with the hyperbole. How many of these Leche Leaguers are single moms? Studies show that it is best for kids to have a two parent household, so I guess that divorced or single women with kids don't really love their babies, either. The rightful defensiveness that your friend was feeling isn't even necessarily coming from guilt. We have a right to be genuinely defensive when people intrude on our privacy like that and more of those nosy busybodies need to be getting the message.

The next time some entitled tit
nazi asks, or rather demands, that your friend justify her choice not to breastfeed she should simply say, "I'm curious as to why you feel entitled to that personal information". And leave it at that. Personally, i'm sick, sick, sick, of thise baby worshipping culture that seems to support the idea that women are onlty here to act as vessels or human incubators to bring babies into the world and that anything to do with a baby automatically takes a precedence over anything to do with the needs of the mother. I believe in protecting your child and meeting their needs but as long as this woman is not starving her child there should be no o interference from anyone else. At all. I'm sick of how women become public property once they spawn. The tit nazis act like formula is the same as putting weed killer in your baby's bottle. Enough with the hyperbole. How many of these Leche Leaguers are single moms? Studies show that it is best for kids to have a two parent household, so I guess that divorced or single women with kids don't really love their babies, either. The rightful defensiveness that your friend was feeling isn't even necessarily coming from guilt. We have a right to be genuinely defensive when people intrude on our privacy like that and more of those nosy busybodies need to be getting the message.

Of course B.F. is not ideal for every situation. In this case the mom can use donated human milk, goats milk or formula and have a clear conscience.

If you want to have some compassion for the women who are pushing "breast is best", talk to women who breast fed when it was considered a stupid, barbaric, unhealthy, unnecessary & bizarre thing to do.
That went on from the 1960's - 1992 (I gave birth in 88 and dealt with a lot of social discrimination).

I wonder if there are any studies regarding the effect of breast feeding hormonal and chemical changes in the mother with regards to specific mental disorders? Does it improve, worsen or do little to nothing? Does it work as it does in most women, to help restore the mothers body and help her stay calm during a major life transition?

@ Crumpet

I challenge you to actually attend a LLL meeting or get to know a few women from the group before you diss them all in one gross generalization.
As a woman who chose to have a child and breast feed when it was discouraged, LLL was not only supportive of that process, but, they were incredibly supportive of me as a young mom.
I found other vegetarian moms in the group and was given info to shoot back at my mis informed doctor about the effects of a vegetarian diet on myself and child (via Breast milk).
from a non veg. LLL volunteer Dr.

BTW
I am a single mother who did not receive child support, and chose not to go on disability, though I qualified.
I would have had a harder time if I didn't breast feed. It was the right choice for me. I never met a "tit nazi"
I have met some nasty people who don't support breast feeding though.

What's best for the baby is a mentally healthy mom, period. I was lucky enough to be taking only a low-dose antidepressant that was considered safe for use while breastfeeding. I also wanted to breastfeed, which not everybody does- and they shouldn't have to! So remind your friend- anytime anyone tells you you aren't doing what's best for the baby, think about how much worse off that baby would be with a mom who was too depressed to get up in the morning, or too manic to remember to eat. She sounds like she's being completely responsible and considering her baby first in all her decisions. All babies should be so lucky.

That woman should be fired.

Breastmilk is very good, and almost always the best choice if the mother is healthy going into it. But formula isn't POISON, and the baby is a LOT safer with a stable, medicated mother feeding him or her formula than one who is unstable and could become dangerous, especially with the added hormones of post-pregnancy. At least pregnancies are not as stressful, and thus less likely to lead to serious manic or depressive episodes, than the first few months of a baby's life. Your friend is a good mother and a very smart woman, and she knows what is best for her child. That the LC pushed her into revealing very personal information, then proceeded to suggest she risk endangering her child, indicates she is NOT a good influence on new mothers.

Hara: I agree, ideally she would be able to use donated milk, but considering the cost of tested, clean milk and the risks of untested milk from a friend or local woman, it can be rather hard. Plus there's always the risk of running out. Also, incidentally, goat's milk is not sufficient for infant nutrition on it's own.

I don't like the insinuation, though, that if she wasn't on medication that she couldn't have a clear conscience. Women choose not to breast feed for many reasons. We don't have a right to decide when they should or shouldn't feel guilty for their choices.

To Hara who said:
I challenge you to actually attend a LLL meeting or get to know a few women from the group before you diss them all in one gross generalization.
As a woman who chose to have a child and breast feed when it was discouraged, LLL was not only supportive of that process, but, they were i
incredibly supportive of me

Of course LLL was supportive of you. You were doing exactly what they think you should do. Why wouldn't they be nice to you? How about I challenge you to interview bottle feeding moms and ask them about the guilt trips and accusations of not caring about their babies and ask them what their experiences with LLL and the like have been. Just because you were breastfeeding when breastfeeding wasn't cool doesn't mean that turnabout is fair play and that bottle feeding moms should take their turn at being ostracized. This whole discussion is about what happened to the author's friend recently, not 20 yrs ago. My position remains that people who intrude on the personal business of perfect strangers should expect to be met with hostility because that is a perfectly natural response to someone questioning your lifestyle and badgering you into explaining yourself to their satisfaction.

To Hara who said:
I challenge you to actually attend a LLL meeting or get to know a few women from the group before you diss them all in one gross generalization.
As a woman who chose to have a child and breast feed when it was discouraged, LLL was not only supportive of that process, but, they were i
incredibly supportive of me

Of course LLL was supportive of you. You were doing exactly what they think you should do. Why wouldn't they be nice to you? How about I challenge you to interview bottle feeding moms and ask them about the guilt trips and accusations of not caring about their babies and ask them what their experiences with LLL and the like have been. Just because you were breastfeeding when breastfeeding wasn't cool doesn't mean that turnabout is fair play and that bottle feeding moms should take their turn at being ostracized. This whole discussion is about what happened to the author's friend recently, not 20 yrs ago. My position remains that people who intrude on the personal business of perfect strangers should expect to be met with hostility because that is a perfectly natural response to someone questioning your lifestyle and badgering you into explaining yourself to their satisfaction.

We all do the best we can with what we are given...so I think every mother should get to decide if she wants to breast feed her children. My mom couldn't breastfeed me she was on antibiotics and sure it gave me probably a weaker immune system than most people but it was for her health. Her health and safety were more important than my cat allergies. So I say don't if you don't want to and do if you do. It is your responsibility as a parent to make the "best"choices for you and your child, whatever they are according to your circumstances.

Thank you everyone for your comments:

Crumpet, you bring up an interesting point, one I thing frustrates me: It seems that the current incarnations of breastfeeding advertising. A lot of it seems to be saying "Your breasts don't belong to your man - they belong to your BABY!" Which is sort of confusing to me, because I am personally of the opinion that breasts belong to neither man or baby - they belong to the WOMAN, and she is the ultimate abritrator of what her breasts will be used for. And that's that.

Hara, I understand where you're coming from, but it seems like you're stating that because breast-feeding mothers took so much crap in years past (and still kinda do), then it is okay to make bottle-feeding mothers feel bad or guilty. And no, that's not ok. It is impossible to know why every bottle-feeding mother chooses to do so - the reasons are endless. And my stance is that nobody, no matter how good the intentions, has the right to harrass women who bottle feed, demand to know her medical history (which is extremely private) or otherwise imply that she is selfish or wrong for her choice.

And it doesn't just apply to those women with mental illnesses. There are physical conditions and issues that can prevent breastfeeding too. And should women with these issues be made to announce it to be spared being ostracized? Hell no. And it doesn't stop at the hospital. My mother (in the 90s) used to tell us about complete strangers, upon seeing her take a can of formula from a store shelf, who would tell her "you know that's not good for the baby." That's insulting, because it assumed that OF COURSE, no smart woman, who was INFORMED, would EVER choose formula! How silly.

It's a fine line: how do you go about making women aware of the benefits of breastfeeding and still deal with the inevitable women who, despite knowing all these things, will still opt out of breastfeeding (for their own reasons)?

@ Drahil
I did not say that. And I am not responsible for your feelings of guilt if you have them.
Guilt is self serving.
I stated the obvious- that B.F. is not for everyone, I listed a few other options as well. AND I spoke of compassion for women who do B.F. as well.
Name calling women who are members of a group that helps women, on a feminist site, is not productive.

@ crumpet
I hope you'll direct your anger in a healthier direction. Gross generalizations and name calling don't help mothers regardless of how they feed their infants.

I'm sorry if any women were ever mistreated in any way by other women, whether it was by LLL or on feministing.

I wish the new mother this post was written about all the peace, joy and strength mothering requires.
It isn't easy- Perceptions about breast feeding are nothing as the 20 year intensive commitment goes.

I'm with Hara here. I've never met a "tit nazi" at LLL meetings or anywhere else. But I have gotten a lot of negative bullshit pushed on me for choosing to breastfeed the full 12 months to avoid formula for my child. For her, formula is a significant risk as we have a history of diabetes on both sides of the family.

I've also had a lot of moms who chose not to breastfeed act as if, just by breastfeeding at the daycare at noon, I'm trying to shame them for using formula. I have never said anything about formula vs. breastmilk in their presence, so I find it interesting that they would approach me about it, and accuse me of thinking things that they have no reason to believe I think. I was also pressured pretty hard by the nurses to use formula in the hospital in order to make my daughter gain weight faster. So I think the pressure in both directions should be put in perspective. Of course that LC was acting in an inappopriate way. But please don't generalize that to everyone who supports breastfeeding.

Hara:

Where did I call anyone names (if you're going for the "tit nazi" reference, you might wanna take that up with crumpet, as I believe it's her term). And thank you for taking the time to absolve yourself of any guilt you assume I feel, or my friend feels. Since my ire wasn't directed towards you, I hope that salves your conscience.

Whether you want to admit it or not, a lot of what is being done to "encourage" breastfeeding IS based ib guilt and fear. Go ahead and advocate for breastfeeding and tell women about all the benefits - cool. But when you trumpet that breastfeeding is ALWAYS best, then there's a problem, because there are many women (i focus on the health-related reason, but there are others) for whom it is NOT the best option. When one starts to speak in absolutes, then I have a problem.

When one starts to to uphold breastfeeding as the "always worth it" solution, those who opt out of it (for ANY reason) will invariably come to be seen as failing, since how could ANYONE, knowing the benefits of breastfeeding, choose not to? And whether you like to admit it or not, this can lead to very real disdain or shaming of those women who CHOOSE to not breastfeed, since they are not making the effort for their child.

So yes, I do that issue with the fact that women feel guilty if they bottle feed. Why should they? Guilt only comes when you engage in a behavior you know to be wrong. But why is bottle feeding wrong? Maybe it's not as high up as breastfeeding (at least to you) but why does it evoke so much guilt for so many? Maybe because they are receiving the message from breastfeeding advocates that bottle feeding is BAD and (by extension) a GOOD mother wouldn't engage in such actions. And that's very wrong.

So yes, I do believe that holding breastfeeding out as the "always" path is dangerous (from a medical standpoint) and only serves to shame those who don't.

Oh, and to your original point that those who are on medications can have "their conscience clear" for not breatfeeding, I just would pose you one question: what would you think (honestly) of a woman who was perfectly healthy and capable of breastfeeding and informed of the benefits but still chose not to?

Hara,

Someone who behaves like the consultant in the article deserves the epithet. Someone who behaves in a respectful manner isn't bloody likely to be called that. Your claims of gross generalization are not really worth hanging onto.

This consultant is an idiot, first-class. Once the mother made her decision known, she needed to back the hell off, and go find someone more receptive. What she did was no better than the phone salesman who keeps trying to inquire exactly "why" I'm not interested in his product. At least you can hang up on telemarketers.

She is not entitled to ANY information from you. The appropriate response would have been, "Why? You don't need to know why. Thank you, goodbye." Followed by, "Orderly, this woman is disturbing my rest. Please have her removed."

I'm sorry, instrumentjamlord, but Crumpet's comments about people who encourage breastfeeding were pretty insulting and made in an unnecessarily strong manner.

And drahill, of course your point about the privacy of the mother and the significance of her health are important. I don't think anyone here would suggest otherwise. But as to this question you pose: what would you think (honestly) of a woman who was perfectly healthy and capable of breastfeeding and informed of the benefits but still chose not to? I would think the same thing of that mother as I do of any parent who feeds their kids coolaid and twinkies, even though they know better and have other options, because they're too lazy to feed them something nutritious. I wouldn't say that to them, or anyone else, but that is how I would honestly feel. So now you can all gang up on me instead of Hara, since that seems to be the favorite recreational activity here on Feministing lately.

Rachel:

First, I understand why you would find the term "tit nazi" offensive. I wouldn't have used it, but I understand the sentiment Crumpet was trying to articulate with it: namely, the militancy of some breastfeeding advocates.

That said, I still have some questions I'm sort of thinking of: First, ok, you would think that a woman who can breastfeed but doesn't as being selfish and lazy, while you wouldn't classify a woman who bottle fed for health reasons this way. Ok, that's your view. But were you to see a woman in the store, purchasing baby formula (as you probably have) you can't tell this by looking at her. One of the problems with a lot of sick people is that we look just like healthy people (especially the mentally ill). So, you don't know who is who when you see a woman using formula or bottle-feeding. So, what's the default view you have? If you see a woman with formula and automatically assume she is lazy or selfish, that's not right. It's that's what you do, you're sort of buying into the mentality that shames and guilts those who formula-feed.

Second: you said: "they know better and have other options, because they're too lazy to feed them something nutritious." Ok, would you apply this logic if you were at a restaurant and saw an obese person (or any person for that matter) consuming something that was easily a "junk food?" Probably not, but it's sort of (not entirely) the same thing. Most people are aware of what foods (at least on a basic level) are healthful and those that are not. Therefore, is this person just "too lazy" to choose a more healthful option? I wouldn't think that of them (at least I try not to), and I doubt anyone on this board would either. So why is it ok to make this same judgment about formula-using mothers?

And by the way, breast milk is NOT always the best option for the baby, or feasible. Some children, for all the effort of the mother, will never successfully latch or suckle. Just won't. Somw have a malformed palate (which, even if it is slight, can affect a latch). Babies can be born with severe nutritional or vitamine deficiencies that can only be rectified with formula (my sister thrived only when introduced to iron-enriched formula that allowed her to grow). Again, you can't tell the mothers of these babies on sight. So, if you're making the kind of judgment you said above, then you're judging all formula-users by default, because you don't know who you're judging.

I will not argue that breat milk has benefits that formula cannot provide. However, I agree with Brianna G above. Formula is not POISON in a bottle, which a lot of breastfeeding advocates seem to insinuate that it is. In fact, if challenged to walk out on the street to select, from among adults, who was breastfed and who wasn't, it would be impossible to do. Being formula-fed is not the "Mark of Cain" it's made out to be. You can absolutely be formula fed and be healthy (I am!) and to suggest otherwise is a scare tactic.

So I come back to my original point. I'm not attacking you in any sense - I am glad you were able to breastfeed and resist a person who tried to pressure you otherwise. But don't you think that same courtesy should be extended to all mothers, regardless of her nursing choice?

Compassion for mothers
those who breast feed and those who don't, is worth the effort.
Calling women names like tit nazi is offensive and not necessary to make any point- totally unnecessary and offensive.
Stop it.
The actions of the women mentioned were not honorable, but, that doesn't excuse the "tit nazi" comment.

I hear a lot of anger here and I'm surprised by it.
Women have the choice to B.F. their children or not.
Parents have a myriad of choices throughout their children's lives.
The guilt women who choose not to (or can't) breast feed feel is self induced and self serving. That is what I was speaking of when I spoke of guilt in a previous comment.

Name calling, ganging up & taking sides is silly when we all know that every individual has a different reason to make their individual choice.
No one is calling Social services on anyone for breast feeding or not breast feeding.

Do your own research, make your own choices.
You can choose to be angry at women you have never met and never will meet in person, who you know very little about (like me)-that is your choice. But, do you really think that approach is furthering the movement?
I wish you the best choices for you and ask that you not demonize women who breast feed or support breast feeding any more than you would want women who formula feed to be demonized.

After decades of misinformation regarding B.F. and medical industry promotion of formula, a lot of women are still uninformed or misinformed. People still react negatively in social situations even when the breast is covered while feeding.
To attempt to make breast feeding mothers feel responsible for the feelings of mothers who choose not to or can't B.F. is not acceptable.
As for the "entitled tit nazi" working in the hospital:
In a hospital setting, an L.C. is supposed to make sure the mother understands the option and is supported if she to go that route. It's her job to ask and offer info, not to pressure.

drahill, my response was to your question, which indicated that, in that scenario, I would know that the mother was able to breastfeed, and knew the advantages of breastmilk, and still chose not to. When I see parents buying formula in the store, I don't know what their health status is, and I assume that they, like most people in our culture, have probably been told that formula is just as good for the baby. So I don't make any judgement at all. My response was to your very specific question.

As to Brianna's assertion that formula is not poison, that's true. It's not. However, because the main ingredient in formula is corn syrup, babies who are formula fed are far more likely to become obese later in life, the processed sugars in formula are very hard on a baby's pancreas and makes them far more likely to develop diabetes later in life, formula babies are far more likely to have food allergies, digestive issues, asthma, etc. There are many, many ways in which formula does put a person's health at risk as compared to breastmilk. This is not a scare tactic, it's a reasoned judgement I made after reading a lot of research on the subject while I was pregnant. The formula companies have been very successful at suppressing this information, but my mom is a nutritionist, so I have access to the research and know better.

I agree that if a mother or child has some health issue which makes breastfeeding impossible then the mother should not be made to feel guilty. But some of the problems you cite can be remedied with the help of a competent lactation consultant. Babies who are healthy but not latching on right can be taught how to latch on. Babies who need additional supplementation can receive that as well. And babies in our culture only become anemic because our backward medical industry insists on cutting the umbilical cord before all the blood in it returns to the baby's body (which only takes 7-10 mins), leaving them at risk for becoming anemic, and making their first few breath much more difficult without the assistance of the heightened levels of oxygen that is in that blood due to the mother's adrenaline level. In short, many of the "problems" that make nursing difficult or insufficient for some babies are caused by the very industry which is supposed to be safeguarding their health.

So I do agree that mother's who choose not to breastfeed should not be shamed. But I don't believe that this is generally an informed decision. Even my pediatrician suggested to me that formula would be just as good, and was surprised to hear about the results of some recent studies on the connection between formula and diabetes risk.

How about a citation or link to this purported article on the LLLI website? It is most definitely not LLLI policy to encourage mothers to breastfeed if they are taking medication with which breastfeeding is contra-indicated nor to encourage mothers to cease taking necessary medications (which lithium clearly is).

The "breastfeeding education is bad because women feel guilty" argument is childish and not at all feminist. Grow up, read the evidence, make your informed decision, then take responsibility for it. Would it be better to return to the day when women simply did as their ob/gyns or pediatricians told them to do? Your friend had a bad experience with an insensitive health care professional. She (and you) can deal with it by addressing the professional and/or her superiors or you can indict all breastfeeding advocates. Which course is more likely to help other women and their children?

Part of the problem here is that mothers are under enormous pressure, not just to be good mothers, but to be *perfect* mothers. You don't want to feed your baby breastmilk? Then you are a BAD MOTHER, because you do one thing that isn't perfect.

In a perfect world, every woman would be able to breastfeed and would want to and would enjoy it, and every baby would thrive on it. This is not a perfect world. Mothers must make decisions based on what they can handle in their own lives.

But we feel entitled to judge mothers on the basis of *anything* they do that isn't perfect. You see kids eating twinkies and drinking kool-aid? That mother is a BAD MOTHER! Never mind that maybe, just maybe, the twinkies and kool-aid are a special, rare treat, or maybe they were free donations and the mom is giving them to the kids because they're poor and turning down free food is a bad idea, or maybe one of the kids has a mental disorder where if you don't feed them *very* predictably they will throw such a huge, violent tantrum that there is no way in hell you would voluntarily trigger that in public. Maybe she feeds them twinkies and kool-aid all the time, but she's also endlessly patient with them and does arts and crafts with them and teaches them foreign languages and reads to them a lot, whereas the health nut who feeds her kids brown rice and a vegetarian stir-fry with tofu is so stressed by her need to come up with healthy foods for her kids to eat all the time that she yells at the kids frequently and doesn't have time to spend with them.

You are not another mother. You don't have her body, you don't have her kids, you don't have her health issues or her life situation, and so unless you actually see her beating her kids in public, YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO JUDGE HER. Yeah, okay, so she feeds the kid formula. How do you know she's not on medication that would be bad for a baby? How do you know she doesn't have back problems that would make a baby tugging on her breast excruciatingly painful? How do you know those are real breasts! Maybe she had a double mastectomy for breast cancer and what looks to you like breasts are the falsies she wears so she doesn't feel to herself like an unwomanly freak. Maybe she is a lesbian transwoman and the child is her partner's bio-kid. Maybe she adopted the baby, so of course she has no milk. Maybe she has a job where she cannot pump, so she dried up as soon as she had to go back to work. You don't KNOW, you can't know, so you have no business pretending you know.

Yes, I believe in breastfeeding. I just weaned my baby a month ago, and she's 2. Yes, I believe that if there's nothing interfering with your ability to breastfeed, it's the best choice, because it has health benefits for both baby and mother. Yes, I believe that if someone tells me in a public place to cover myself or go to the bathroom because I'm feeding my baby, I have the right to tell them to go to hell. But if another woman is feeding her baby with formula, and she's not my best buddy, then I have no idea why she is using formula, so it is not my right to judge her.

Mothers do not have to be perfect to be good. You don't have the right to judge a mother for having her kids out late (how do you know they don't have a schedule that lets them sleep late, and they stay up late to spend time with Daddy who does shift work?) You don't have the right to judge a mother because her kid is having a tantrum (believe me, no one has perfect control over whether kids have tantrums or not.) And you don't have the right to judge a mother for feeding her baby formula.

A lactation consultant should present the health-based reasons why a woman should try to breastfeed, and then back off. It's not her business what the woman does with her advice.